Commodity Futures Trading Commission

* Ding ding ding, we have a winner: with a bid of $135 million, Univision has prevailed in the auction to buy Gawker Media’s assets (held at the offices of Gawker’s bankruptcy counsel, Ropes & Gray). [Politico]

* The Ninth Circuit rules that the feds can’t spend money to prosecute people whose actions comply with state medical marijuana laws. [How Appealing]

* Protip for millennial law students: don’t call your law professor by her first name. [WSJ Law Blog]

* “Is $88,500 Salary Too Much for a Deputy General Counsel?” (Hint: no.) [Big Law Business]

* Is it time to rethink antitrust enforcement, especially when it comes to Big Tech? [DealBook / New York Times]

* Judge Timothy Dooley has been censured by the Alaska Supreme Court for his rude remarks in open court. [Alaska Dispatch News]

* Hedge-fund billionaire Steve Cohen can’t trade in CFTC-regulated commodities markets until 2018, as part of a settlement with the commission. [Bloomberg]

* Sigfredo Garcia, one of the two men accused of killing law professor Dan Markel, isn’t getting bond just yet. [Tallahassee Democrat; WCTV]

* “The multimillion dollar question is: Is it going to happen and for how long?” Surprisingly, health care attorneys from large firms are being quite blasé about the Congressional battle over Obamacare. [Blog of Legal Times]

* The 2013 Global 100 is out, and with an 8.6 percent growth in revenue, DLA Piper was able to really show the world the benefits of churning that bill, baby! We’ll have more on this news later today. [American Lawyer]

* This is getting exhausting: Dentons, the three-way merger product of SNR Denton (a merger product itself), Salans, and Fraser Milner Casgrain, is in talks with McKenna Long & Aldridge for yet another merger. [Am Law Daily]

* The director of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission’s enforcement unit will be stepping down to spend time more with family. The countdown until he returns to Skadden Arps starts now. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Ted Olson and David Boies, perhaps more commonly known these days as the gay marriage dream team, will be working together to challenge Virginia’s ban on marriage equality. [National Law Journal]

* Should law school be two years long? Kyle McEntee of Law School Transparency (3 points) is beating the pants off Northwestern’s dean (-4 points) in this debate. [Debate Club / U.S. News & World Report]

* If you’re still considering applying for law school despite all of the warnings seen here and elsewhere, then you’ll probably want to follow this advice. [Law Admissions Lowdown / U.S. News & World Report]

* The Italian Court of Appeal is retrying Amanda Knox of a crime she’s already been convicted and acquitted of, and the chances she’ll be extradited if convicted again are slim to none. Buon lavoro. [CNN]

Things get a little bit worse for Jon Corzine

Has the federal government been deprived of tissue boxes?

* The new meme sweeping the Intertubes is “Old Economy Steve.” While not strictly law-related, it is a fitting meme for trolling recent law school grads entering the market. [The Atlantic] * After talking about the Atlanta battle of the (legal) bands, we learned that San Francisco is also getting into the act. [Law Rocks] * Speculating on George Washington’s approach to drone strikes. [Washington Times] * A look at how regulatory and tax policy changes affect the value of energy companies. [Breaking Energy] * E. Gordon Gee, Columbia Law ’71 and President of THE Ohio State University got in a little trouble for saying, “You tell the SEC when they can learn to read and write, then they can figure out what we’re doing.” So another guy gets in trouble for being honest. Gee also said that you can’t trust Catholic priests, which segues nicely into the next item. [Yahoo! Sports] * The Catholic Church’s top exorcist claims to have performed 160,000 exorcisms. After the jump, Professor Mark Kightlinger from the University of Kentucky College of Law eviscerates this claim with “math.” “Assuming he was ordained at the age of 21, he would have had to perform 2388 exorcisms per year for the past 67 years. That is more than 6.5 exorcisms per day every day (not taking into account the occasional leap year with an extra day). Perhaps he is just a really fast exorcist. Or perhaps he does mass exorcisms. I don’t have a view about how many demons might be out there but I am skeptical about whether one guy could cast out so many. Perhaps he needs to go back to the books and read about pride.” – Mark Kightlinger

InTrade is closed for business. What were the odds?

* “This is a total victory not just for the C.F.T.C., but also for financial reform.” Regulators, mount up, because you basically just got a free pass to do your jobs and keep a more watchful and vigilant eye on Wall Street. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Last year, China officially surpassed the United States in terms of the number of patent applications filed. China’s probably surpassed the United States in terms of patents infringed, but that’s neither here nor there. [National Law Journal]

* And now we see why St. Louis University School of Law’s interim dean said he’d be donating his salary to the school. He’s no “butt boy” — he’s settled $25M worth of cases since the fall. [Madison-St. Clair Record]

* “Help me, I’m poor”: the Huffington Post’s army of unpaid bloggers will continue to be unpaid, because the Second Circuit recently affirmed the S.D.N.Y.’s decision to toss out their case. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)]

* Diane von Furstenberg, the fashion designer behind luxury brand DVF, is suing an ex-distributor for selling her wares on the cheap to the likes of TJ Maxx and Marshalls. Ugh, cringe… that’s très déclassé. [Bloomberg]