Flori-duh

This spun up more quickly than a category five.

The lack of humanity will blow you away.

* So… who is in charge of Homeland Security now? Asking for all the immigration lawyers who need to fill out the “named defendants” section of their filings. [Politico]

* The Gawker effect is real. Maybe Buzzfeed will save us? [Washington Post]

* Florida law will allow parents to object to the content of their children’s textbooks. I would be in favor of this law if it also required Florida residents to READ children’s textbooks before they object. [Law Street News]

* We’re now at the point where people are reporting on seating arrangements at cabinet meetings. Trump makes us pathetic. [Newsmax]

* Here’s some stuff about trash human, Pete Rose. [The Score]

* Here’s some stuff about trash human, Joe Arpaio. [AZ Central]

Best title ever for an opposition to a motion to dismiss.

Yes, this is a story about how Flori-duh once again didn’t think through one of its laws.

Hackers taking advantage of neurotic lawyers.

Months after her last sanction, a Florida judge is suspended for allegedly showing up to work drunk.

February results are never pretty, but only one of these schools really hit it out of the park.

A Florida lawyer faces charges that he systematically forged the signatures of judges on court orders.

Allegations of jailhouse sex shenanigans earn a lawyer some unwelcome attention.

The best answer to a federal complaint you'll read all year.

Longtime readers were not surprised by the recent controversy surrounding a Florida lawyer.

* Due to the speed at which she was driving, Caitlyn Jenner could face a vehicular manslaughter charge related to the fatal chain-reaction car crash she was involved in earlier this year. The ESPY-winning celeb’s fate is in the district attorney’s hands now. [NBC News]

* Surprise! David Sweat, one of the New York inmates who led authorities on a three-week manhunt after he escaped from prison in June, pleaded not guilty to felony escape charges at his arraignment. He’ll likely get a few years added onto his life sentence if he’s convicted. [Reuters]

* Oh baby: Valeant is buying Sprout Pharmaceuticals, the maker of the “female Viagra,” for a cool $1 billion. Skadden Arps and Sullivan & Cromwell, the firms repping the companies, must be turned on by the deal. [DealBook / New York Times; Am Law Daily]

* Prosecutors in the David Messerschmitt case are seeking a 25-year sentence for Jamyra Gallmon, the woman who stabbed the DLA Piper associate in a robbery-gone-wrong and left him for dead in a D.C. hotel room. Her attorney is asking for 18 years. [Legal Times]

* The Florida Bar is recommending disbarment for a group of attorneys accused of arranging a DUI arrest for a rival attorney during a high-profile trial. You’ve got to admit this set-up was a particularly bold move, even for Flori-duh lawyers. [Tampa Bay Times]

* Ouch! The Florida Supreme Court just unanimously told a lower court judge to STFU and GTFO. Judge Laura Watson, who was elected to her position in 2012, was summarily ousted from the bench for shady conduct that took place before her judgeship commenced. [Sun Sentinel]

* The ABA postponed making a decision on whether it’ll approve a merger between Hamline Law and William Mitchell Law. Not to worry, everything will be okay. Come on, as if the ABA would let a failing law school completely crash and burn. [MPR News]

* We mentioned this week that Hank Greenberg won his A.I.G. bailout suit, but we didn’t get around to the part where Davis Polk got quite the judicial spanking from an “irritated” judge — and the firm wasn’t even named as a defendant. [DealBook / New York Times]

* Uh oh. It looks like Ellen Pao just got “powed.” Judge Harold Kahn has tentatively ruled that Pao must pay about $276,000 in trials costs to Kleiner Perkins. (Special thanks go out to ATL commenter Paul Harvey for this clever little quip.) [Digits / Wall Street Journal]

* Micah Green, a prominent lobbyist at Squire Patton Boggs, is headed for greener pastures at Steptoe. He’s the latest rainmaker to leave, which makes us wonder if the firm will be satisfied with only being able to make it drizzle. [PowerPost / Washington Post]

This bankruptcy judge is mad as hell, and he's not going to take this anymore.

* Congratulations (and good luck) to our nation’s new ebola czar — who happens to be a high-profile lawyer. [ATL Redline] * An update on the Charleston Law/InfiLaw drama. [Post and Courier] * If they had only taken the pink underwear off the patient before he woke up, he wouldn’t have his panties in a bunch. [Huffington Post] * Getting people to read law review articles is hard enough; why put them behind a wall? [TaxProf Blog] * It’s funny that Floridian lawyers are having such a bad reaction to Bad Judge, since the show could actually be reality TV down there. [Daily Business Review (sub. req.)] * Career advice: if you aspire to the federal judiciary, try to avoid writing blog posts about biting girls in the butt. [Missouri Lawyers Weekly (sub. req.)] * Congrats to lawyer Lisa Smith on winning the Pitch Week book competition at the When Words Count Retreat! [Street Insider]

Eww. This sounds gross.

Dude, your daughter is in high school. The only punishment she understands is humiliation...

If a court reporting service just didn't prepare transcripts in criminal cases for months on end, they might earn themselves a hearty benchslapping.

Judge tells lawyer, "if you want to fight let's go out back." What happens next is exactly what that sentence implied.