Florida

* R. Kelly’s attorneys are requesting to withdraw as his counsel and say it is “impossible” to properly represent him. Bet the lawyers hope they aren’t “trapped” in the courtroom… [Fox News]

* A prominent West Virginia attorney passed away this week following a car crash. [Metro News]

* The Department of Justice says it will defend former president Trump in a private defamation lawsuit. [Forbes]

* Stormy Daniels says her attorneys are cooperating with investigators looking into the operations of the Trump Organization. [Hill]

* A Boca Raton attorney was allegedly intoxicated around four times above the legal limit when she was involved in a car crash. Wild even by Florida standards… [Boca News Now]

* An ethics opinion is permitting a lawyer to practice New Jersey law remotely from his home in Florida. This is a boon to “snow birds” everywhere… [Daily Business Review]

* Van Jones claims Kim Kardashian is “going to be an unbelievable attorney.” [Yahoo News]

* A former drug dealer has been sworn in as an attorney by the same judge who told him to turn his life around. [Fox News]

* Check out this article on participation of chambers of commerce in lower court proceedings. [Juris Lab]

* A Pittsburgh strip club has filed a lawsuit alleging they should be allowed to receive COVID-19 relief money. Seems like they should be entitled to some stimulus… [CBS News]

* Judge Judy claims that expanding the Supreme Court is a “dumb idea.” Maybe she would change her mind if the Supremes televised their arguments… [Hill]

* A Virginia woman has been arrested for allegedly posing as a lawyer. [NBC News]

* An Australian man has filed a lawsuit claiming that he invented Bitcoin. Strange, assumed Elon Musk invented it… [Reuters]

* A lawyer alleged at a hearing earlier this week that Jeff Lowe of Tiger King fame would purportedly be willing to give up big cats. [Chicago Tribune]

* A topless, passed-out Florida woman who was found behind the wheel of a car purportedly still asked for a lawyer before failing a field sobriety test. What a Florida story. [Fox News]

* To-go alcohol from restaurants and bars has been made permanently legal in the Lone Star State. Time to order some Texas-sized cocktails to go… [People]

* An Orlando lawyer allegedly left her kids at home to run an SUV into their father’s house. [Miami Herald]

* A Central Pennsylvania lawyer, who is accused of threatening to kill United States Senators and shoot his wife, has been disbarred. [Patriot News]

* The top federal prosecutor in Chicago was hospitalized recently after suffering stroke-like symptoms. [Chicago Tribune]

* A lawsuit has been filed over a failed sale over the domain name “bird.com” and other URLs. The buyer should have known a bird in hand is better than two in the bush… [Domain Name Wire]

* A judge has dismissed the NRA bankruptcy leaving the group open to litigation by the New York Attorney General. Guess the group maybe shot itself in the foot for nothing… [CNBC]

* Check out this feature on a law student who was a judge before he entered law school. [UVA Law]

* A co-founder for Students for Trump has been sentenced to prison time for posing as a lawyer. [Hill]

* A partner at Holland & Knight has reportedly been found dead off a Florida beach. [Lakeland Ledger]

* A lawyer is running a talent agency for animals. Maybe this attorney is like the Ari Gold for pups… [ABA Journal]

* Lawsuits were filed mere minutes after Florida’s new election reform was signed into law. Those attorneys must be fast typers… [Newsweek]

* Check out this article on a law grad who has netted $83,000 a year as an underwear model on OnlyFans. [Law and More]

* Roy Moore’s lawyer was reportedly absent from a hearing in the case he filed against Sacha Baron Cohen related to Moore’s appearance on Who Is America. [Courthouse News]

* Devin Nunes’s attorney has been ordered to pay CNN $21,000 in legal fees for filing frivolous defamation litigation. [Law and Crime]

* The Attorney General of Texas has unblocked critics on Twitter following a lawsuit. [Yahoo News]

* A lawsuit filed by an astronomer against a company that created a doll in her likeness has been dismissed. Like many things, very reminiscent of a Seinfeld episode… [Chicago Sun Times]

* The Charleston Water System has filed a lawsuit against flushable wipes makers for allegedly making products that aren’t fit for flushing. Bet they hope their case doesn’t go down the drain… [ABC News]

* Maryland has finalized a $577 million settlement of a lawsuit claiming the state underfunded historically black colleges and universities. [Capital Gazette]

* A lawsuit filed by a Southwest Airlines flight attendant blames the airline on her husband’s death from COVID-19. [Fox News]

* A Maryland lawyer has been suspended from practice for giving paralegals the power to settle cases. [Daily Record]

* Since Above the Law has not had a “Lawyerly Lairs” segment in a while, just wanted to relate that a Florida attorney is selling her swanky beachfront home for a pretty penny. [Real Deal]

* The Florida Supreme Court won’t let voters legalize recreational marijuana in the Sunshine State. At least the Court didn’t break the bad news on 4/20… [Slate]

* A Brooklyn man’s murder conviction has been overturned because his lawyer was reportedly “atrocious” and committed inexcusable mistakes. [New York Daily News]

* A new lawsuit claims that Florida’s so-called anti-riot law is unconstitutional. [AP]

* Rob Bonta has been confirmed as California’s Attorney General. [Los Angeles Times]

* Apple must face a lawsuit over telling customers they can “buy” a movie even though access can later be revoked. [Hollywood Reporter]

* Tesla’s top lawyer has left the company for a self-driving startup. Wonder who will “take the wheel” of Tesla’s legal department after his departure… [Business Insider]

* Dr. Dre’s lawyer has been disqualified from representing him in his divorce. Too bad Dr. Dre went to medical school instead of law school… [Page Six]

* A Florida man, who was found guilty of impersonating a lawyer, has been sentenced to 20 years in prison. [New York Times]

* A new lawsuit alleges that the tipping policy of Olive Garden’s parent company has a discriminatory impact on workers. If true, maybe “when you’re here, your family” should apply to employees too. [Today]

* Veritas founder James O’Keefe is threatening litigation after being banned from Twitter. [Forbes]

* Fyre Festival has settled claims with 277 ticket-holders over the ill-fated 2017 music event. Hope they make a documentary about this part of the Fyre Festival saga… [Fox News]

* A lawsuit about the use of the “Corona” brand name with hard seltzers is heating up. It’s an interesting name to be associated with these days… [Yahoo News]

* Ramsey Clark, the former United States Attorney General and a civil rights lawyer, has passed away at 93. [New York Times]

* An Oklahoma City attorney, who allegedly fell in love with a client, has been charged in the triple murder of the client’s girlfriend and parents. [Oklahoman]

* Congressman Matt Gaetz has hired a lawyer who is also representing the Trump Organization in a criminal probe. [NBC News]

* President Biden has established a commission to consider reforms to the Supreme Court and the federal judiciary. [Politico]

* The State of Florida has filed a lawsuit aimed at reopening the cruise industry. This would make a great plot of a sequel for Speed 2: Cruise Control… [CBS News]

* A lawsuit alleges Florida police used excessive force after mistaking Star Trek memorabilia for weapons. They should have set their phasers to stun… [Hill]

* The Trump Organization has hired a criminal defense lawyer. [Wall Street Journal]

* A public defender is suing her boss for allegedly being told to dress more modestly to avoid the sexual interest of male prisoners. [Daily Mail]

* Three Michigan lawyers have been charged in a scheme to collect debts on money that was allegedly never owed. [Fox News]

* Check out this article on how Originalism is being used by state court judges. [Juris Lab]

* A man’s death after participating in a taco-eating contest has spawned a lawsuit against a minor-league baseball team. [Washington Post]

* The Biden Administration is asking a judge to dismiss a climate change lawsuit filed on behalf of kids. Hope they can handle the heat… [Hill]

* A new lawsuit alleges that a radio personality’s “rabid” fans forced a Florida man to leave the Sunshine State. Maybe the plaintiff was just a “snow bird”… [Tampa Bay Times]

* The highest-paid lawyers at Viacom/CBS were paid $12.7 million last year. [Bloomberg Law]

* The Supreme Court handed Google a win over Oracle in a longstanding copyright dispute. Maybe the justices just hate using Bing… [CNN]

* Harvey Weinstein has filed an appeal of his criminal conviction. [Fox News]

* A group of farmers recently filed an antitrust lawsuit against a number of agricultural companies. [AP]

* A Florida lawyer is getting recognition for helping professional wrestlers trademark parts of their personas. Guess he smells what the Rock is cooking… money. [Tampa Bay Times]

* Nike filed a trademark infringement lawsuit over Lil Nas X’s so-called “Satan Shoes” which include a drop of human blood and other Satanic imagery. Guess the old town road went straight to hell, and hope they hired the “Devil’s advocate”… [Forbes]

* The trial in a class action against 3M, on behalf of servicepeople who allegedly suffered hearing loss from faulty ear plugs, is underway. [Military.com]

* Seattle is taking steps to ensure that everyone facing eviction has the benefit of a lawyer. [Seattle Times]

* A Florida lawyer faces possible disbarment for allegedly taking money from clients and ghosting them. [Click Orlando]

* A woman representing herself pro se was able to discharge tens of thousands of dollars of student loans in bankruptcy. Maybe she would have gotten more debt discharged if she went to law school… [Yahoo News]

* Florida’s Ron DeSantis threatened litigation unless the CDC greenlights cruises to resume by summer. Maybe he just wants to galivant around the Caribbean… [Yahoo News]

* Amazon is facing litigation over allegations that it failed to provide required meal breaks. [Verge]

* A Brooklyn judge has dismissed a case because a lawyer refused to wear a mask. [Daily News]

* A Minnesota lawyer has been sanctioned for allegedly filing election challenges without the plaintiffs’ knowledge. [Twin Cities Pioneer Press]

* A small Chicago bookseller is suing Amazon for allegedly using anticompetitive tactics. Sounds like this could be a sequel for You’ve Got Mail… [Oregonian]

* The Florida Senate just passed a bill to shield businesses from COVID-19 lawsuits. Many wish Florida was doing more to shield residents from COVID-19… [Tampa Bay Times]

* A former lawyer for AT&T is accusing the company of overcharging needy schools and libraries for internet service. [Dallas Morning News]

* A federal judge has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a journalist over allegedly illicit wiretapping. [Politico]

* Check out this interesting article on removal and remand rates in federal court. [Juris Lab]

* An Illinois attorney has been suspended from practice for allegedly mishandling client money. [Quad-City Times]

* A prominent lawyer for computer hackers has been arrested for destroying his son’s computer. Guess that’s another kind of hacking… [New York Daily News]

* Buckingham Palace is reportedly hiring a law firm to investigate Megan Markle’s bullying claims. Wonder what it would be like if the firm from Suits did this job… [Business Insider]

* Google will face a lawsuit claiming that it still tracks users in Incognito Mode. [Verge]

* The criminal trial of Elizabeth Holmes, the founder of Theranos, may be delayed due to her recently announced pregnancy. [Guardian]

* The Manhattan District Attorney recently announced he will be retiring at the end of his term. [Washington Post]

* A Florida lawyer has been charged with first-degree murder. [ABC News]

* The Clemson University Track and Field Team has hired counsel over the elimination of their program. Hope they don’t have too many “hurdles” to pursuing a claim… [ESPN]

* A federal detainee who threw a chair at a prosecutor has been charged. Guess they threw the book at him… [Department of Justice]

* Residents of North Carolina will purportedly be allowed to phone a lawyer for free tomorrow. [ABC News]

* A lawyer for Joe Biden accuser Tara Reade is requesting that the New York Times compensate his client for publishing Reade’s social security number. [Fox News]

* A proposed law in Florida would make it difficult to sue healthcare providers and nursing homes for damages related to COVID-19. [NBC News]

* The former owner of New York Sports Clubs has settled a lawsuit over billing practices during the COVID-19 pandemic. That case wasn’t on the legal treadmill for long… [Reuters]