Ninth Circuit

* In a moving long-form piece, the Marshall Project details how the criminal justice system failed a rape victim. [The Marshall Project]

* “As a debater, a product of Jesuit schooling, a scholar of religion, and a legal scholar, I was taught that words matter. Rational discourse matters. Setting an example matters.” NYU President John Sexton makes a powerful statement on the rise of Islamaphobia. [NYU]

* Eric Schniederman is in the news for a reason unrelated to fantasy football — he’s banning the sale of realistic toy guns this Christmas. [Press Connects]

* David Lat pontificates on this year’s bonuses. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* That judge who held 3 kids in contempt for refusing to visit their father now faces disciplinary action. [Jezebel]

* In economic terms, what do painkillers really cost? [Law and More]

What does the government have to say in defense of the allegedly tweeting judge?

Did you know that there's an actual award, including a cash prize, for this distinction?

Do you think this judge crossed the line in his use of social media?

* Steven Metro, an ex-managing clerk at Simpson Thacher who was accused of passing insider info about mergers and other business transactions to his law school buddy in a $5.6 million insider trading scheme, has pleaded guilty. He faces up to 20 years in prison. [Reuters]

* Remember Keila Ravelo, the Willkie Farr partner who allegedly stole millions from that firm and her prior firm, Hunton & Williams? It turns out her involvement in the $5.7 billion MasterCard/Visa antitrust settlement could ultimately become its kiss of death. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg]

* Chief Judge Morrison England (E.D. Cal.) says he and his colleagues are incredibly overworked, sometimes putting in more than 80 hours per week. It’s too bad it doesn’t make a difference — the court is at a “crisis point” in its backlog of cases. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Last summer, a federal judge ruled the death penalty was unconstitutional in California because an appeals process with the “slight possibility of death” was cruel and unusual. Here’s a real shocker: the Ninth Circuit overturned the decision. [New York Times]

* Embattled Pennsylvania AG Kathleen Kane is well past the point of having 99 problems, but there’s no end in sight. Former prosecutors have filed suit against her, alleging she retaliated against them for exposing her alleged criminal misdeeds. [Tribune-Review]

Insert Ninth Circuit joke here.

A federal judge uses a cartoon character's famous exclamatory catchphrase to announce the court's unanimous ruling.

* “We’re going to the Jersey Shore, bitch!” This probably isn’t the kind of marketing that Jackson Lewis had in mind when the firm announced it was going to be opening an office north of Seaside Heights. Associates, you better get ready for some very serious GTB (gym, tan, billable hours). [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

* Kim Davis may be back to work at the Rowan County Clerk’s Office in Kentucky, but that doesn’t mean she’s done with her fight to not do her job. She’ll be suing Gov. Steve Beshear for failing to provide her with a religious accommodation. [Talking Points Memo]

* Some progress has been made in the infamous “dancing baby” case thanks to a recent Ninth Circuit decision. As it turns out, “copyright law does not authorize thoughtless censorship of lawful speech.” Prince would’ve wanted it this way. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Public interest problems: When you work in Biglaw, performing a high number of pro bono hours may keep you from “doing the amount or quality of billable that it takes to advance in the firm, because there’s only 24 hours in the day.” [Crain’s Chicago Business]

* Necrophilia is apparently still legal in several of our fine states, but a lawmaker in Massachusetts is trying to get a law on the books that would make sex with the dead illegal. It’s already illegal for Massholes to have sex with animals, so it’s only fair. [Metro]

* ABC News chief legal analyst Dan Abrams is suing his neighbors over his lawyerly lair — and one of the defendants is a Biglaw partner at a top firm. Expect more on this later. [New York Post]

* Speaking of Biglaw, a familiar tale of financial performance: gross revenue at Am Law 100 firms grew by 4 percent in the first half of 2015, but driven by rate increases rather than demand growth. [American Lawyer]

* If you want the Supreme Court to hear your case, try to steer your cert petition clear of the “long conference,” known as the place “where petitions go to die.” [New York Times]

* Speaking of SCOTUS, the Court won’t come to the rescue of the Kentucky county clerk who refuses to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples — time to issue those licenses or quit, Kim Davis. [How Appealing]

* But the justices did come to the (temporary) rescue of former Virginia Governor Robert McDonnell, allowing him to remain free until SCOTUS acts on his petition for certiorari. [SCOTUSblog via How Appealing]

* Are criticisms of the S.E.C.’s administrative-law procedures correct? Here’s a study from Professor David Zaring. [New York Times]

* The Show-Me State leads when it comes to showing defendants to their deaths: Missouri has displaced Texas as the “epicenter of the American death penalty.” [The Marshall Project]

* Speaking of capital punishment, I predicted that these particular Ninth Circuit judges wouldn’t be too sympathetic to this challenge to the death penalty — and based on yesterday’s oral argument, it seems I was right. [How Appealing]

John Oliver gets cited in an appellate decision.

Whether you agree or disagree with his views, you must admit that Judge Kozinski has a way with words.

* Are you tired of hearing about Tom Brady’s balls? No? Good. Here’s a great profile of the Paul Weiss litigator that authored the report on deflategate. [New York Times]

* Good news for all the Pandora listeners out there. The Second Circuit affirmed Pandora’s access to the ASCAP music catalogue. [New York Law Journal]

* As if the “Jena Six” haven’t been through enough, now one of its members is heading to law school. [American Lawyer]

* Brewery scores big First Amendment victory. Let’s all celebrate with a nice cold bottle of “Raging Bitch” beer. [Corporate Counsel]

* The federal government paid $45 million to Northrop Grumman Systems to settle claims it misappropriated trade secrets related to their satellite program. [National Law Journal]

* The debate over the minimum wage rages on in Ninth Circuit case on the constitutionality of Los Angeles’ Living Wage law. [Law360]

* Congratulations to Loretta Lynch, who later today should be confirmed as the first African-American woman to serve as attorney general. [CNN]

* And congrats to baseball star Barry Bonds, whose obstruction of justice conviction just got overturned by the Ninth Circuit. [How Appealing]

* Dewey turned DLA Piper partner John Altorelli, alleged former paramour of Russian spy Anna Chapman, is back in the news — JP Morgan Chase accuses him of lying about his assets in his pending personal bankruptcy case. [American Lawyer]

* The many debaters-turned-lawyers out there might enjoy this look at the college debate career of presidential hopeful Ted Cruz. [New York Times]

* A satirical “killing Jews is his jihad” ad can’t be kept out of New York mass transit, per Judge John Koeltl (S.D.N.Y.). [ABA Journal]

* Retired General David Petraeus is expected to plead guilty later today to a misdemeanor charge of mishandling Paula Broadwell classified materials. [Washington Post]

* U.S. Supreme Court justices are getting grumpier, according to interesting research discussed by Paul Barrett. [Bloomberg View via How Appealing]

* With the U.S. Supreme Court about to decide the constitutionality of gay-marriage bans, what’s next for opponents of marriage equality? [New York Times]

* Standing up for “religious freedom” bills, for one thing — which is what Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is doing, telling corporations that plan to “bully[]” his state, “Save your breath.”
[New York Times]

* An Arkansas judge was mauled by his father’s pet zebra. We hope the judge recovers, but what we’d really, really like to know is how the hell one comes to own a pet zebra in Arkansas. [KARK]

* Pregnant women on poles may officially be sexy under color of law. [EPLI Risk]

* If your law firm is trying to make you complete a marketing project in order to get your year-end bonuses — like Quinn Emanuel — here are some ideas for you to try. [Hellerman Baretz Communications]

* According to Robert Durst’s lawyer, Chip Lewis, people mutter triple murder admissions under their breath on hot mics all the time, and it’s usually not that big of deal. [Gawker]

* You’re invited to an event hosted by Judge Kozinski at the Ninth Circuit courthouse, featuring discussion of Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). [Supreme Ambitions]

Check out the video; arguing this case probably wasn't fun for the government lawyer.

According to the New York Times, "for an elite niche," Supreme Ambitions "has become the most buzzed-about novel of the year."

In-house columnist Mark Herrmann reviews Above the Law founder and managing editor David Lat's forthcoming novel, Supreme Ambitions.

A simple, but critical, judicial mistake.

* How are Nevada and Idaho officials reacting to yesterday’s Ninth Circuit ruling striking down gay marriage bans in those states, and how soon might marriages get underway? [BuzzFeed]

* In other LGBT legal news, New York City is likely to make it easier for transgender individuals to amend their birth certificates. [New York Times]

* Good news for Joan Orie Melvin, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court justice turned convicted felon: her unorthodox sentence has been stayed (again). [How Appealing]

* Eduardo Leite, who has led Baker & McKenzie since 2010, gets another two years at the helm of Biglaw’s biggest firm. [American Lawyer]

* Cravath associate Micaela McMurrough scores a victory in tax court for artists. [New York Times]

* The ABA has issued a new opinion addressing ethical issues raised during the sale of a law practice. [American Bar Association]

* Why do lawyers blog? Tim Baran of Rocket Matter talks to 23 of us. [Legal Productivity]

* Congratulations to Tony West on his new gig as General Counsel of PepsiCo. It sounds like an exciting and challenging opportunity. Plus, you know, free Mountain Dew. [Politico] * What the hell? The feds stole a woman’s identity and made it into a Facebook page. Well, now she’s found out and she’s suing. Identity theft was one thing, but the way the DEA Agent kept spamming the woman’s friends to play Candy Crush Saga was just unacceptable. [Buzzfeed] * Time for some court news: Ninth Circuit joined the chorus in striking down gay marriage bans in Idaho and Nevada. [Ninth Circuit] * It’s Nobel Prize time, and one of the winners for Physics has a personal story about how important it is to hire a good lawyer. In fact, it was about $180 million important. [Slate] * We constantly beat the drum of how law schools need to adjust to reality and stop duping students into terrible financial decisions. But here’s the PR secret that’s kept law schools from, by and large, collapsing: they sell the experience. [Law and More] * An open letter begging Amal Alamuddin not to quit her day job now that she’s married to some acting guy. [The Careerist] * New York City paid $50K to settle a lawsuit brought by the family of a child who killed herself after school officials allegedly did nothing despite several warnings that the girl was being brutally bullied. There’s a lot of “in my day…” types who read this site who may not care about bullying, but this is more a question of irresponsibility. If your job is to provide a safe learning environment and you fail, you pay. [DNA Info] * At oral argument, the Court seemed generally supportive of the Muslim inmate hoping to grow a beard. If this intuition is right, soon individual people may have the same religious rights as corporations! [Supreme Court Brief] * Finally, thanks to the Rutgers-Newark Law School chapter of the American Constitution Society for hosting a great event today where Elie and I previewed the upcoming SCOTUS Term. My personal highlight was watching Elie’s head explode while talking about Young v. UPS.