Strippers

* Brett Kavanaugh built up around $200K in debt buying Washington Nationals tickets. This may be the Federalist Society’s biggest vetting failure ever because all real conservative jurists would say they went $200K in debt buying Montreal Expos tickets. [Deadspin]

* Ohio pulls obscure law out of a hat to harass Stormy Daniels for daring to point out that Donald Trump is a scumbag. [NY Times]

* “Jesus never broke immigration law” says Evangelical Trumper whose religion is entirely based on a guy admitting he was an outlaw and getting the death penalty for it. [Vox]

* Just when you were getting used to WestlawNext, WestlawEdge is here to radically change the game. [LegaltechNews]

* Texas professors who don’t want to die will take their case to the Fifth Circuit. [CBS News]

* Lawyer says Shady orchestrated the assault on his ex. [Denver Post]

* Trump pardoned the thugs who put the lives of firefighters in danger and then inspired an armed standoff with federal officers and then Mike Pence’s buddy gave them a private jet home. [Oregon Live]

When everything is going so wrong, breathe easy knowing that at least one thing is (allegedly) going right.

It really seems like the pharma industry is working pretty hard these days to take over from hedge funds as the poorest behaved big-money business sector.

Authorities do not suspect foul play, but have not yet ruled it out.

If you only read one obvious sanctions motion in the making today, make it this one. This lawyer doesn't care much for his opponent's case and he's going to explain exactly where he's going to stick parts of his anatomy into them if they continue this lawsuit.

Strippers use certain techniques to grab their clients’ attention and to get their money -- and some of these techniques can apply to the legal profession, as columnist Shannon Achimalbe explains.

Things got a little off-the-hook at this seminar.

You're finally done, so why not go straight from the bar to the pole?

You really can do anything with a law degree.

* An Arkansas judge was mauled by his father’s pet zebra. We hope the judge recovers, but what we’d really, really like to know is how the hell one comes to own a pet zebra in Arkansas. [KARK]

* Pregnant women on poles may officially be sexy under color of law. [EPLI Risk]

* If your law firm is trying to make you complete a marketing project in order to get your year-end bonuses — like Quinn Emanuel — here are some ideas for you to try. [Hellerman Baretz Communications]

* According to Robert Durst’s lawyer, Chip Lewis, people mutter triple murder admissions under their breath on hot mics all the time, and it’s usually not that big of deal. [Gawker]

* You’re invited to an event hosted by Judge Kozinski at the Ninth Circuit courthouse, featuring discussion of Supreme Ambitions (affiliate link). [Supreme Ambitions]

* First the cheerleaders went after their employers in wage and hours suits. Now strippers. And the strippers are winning. [Slate]

* Prince Harry’s ex, Chelsy Davy, has left her Biglaw gig as an Allen & Overy associate. So that’s what happens when you lose the real-life version of I Wanna Marry Harry. [Legal Cheek]

* Despite the shrill response on cable news, President Obama’s executive action on immigration will be totally legal. [New Republic]

* DOJ seeks to disqualify anyone who knows about all the DOJ’s misconduct. Clever trick! [New York Observer]

* If you’re doing contract work, you could stave off the boredom or you could go the failed mobster route and be a rat. [Law and More]

* Somewhere along the line, obvious puffery turned into false advertising suits and it’s costing some companies big bucks. [Corporate Counsel]

* The latest in litigation financing: crowdfunding your lawsuit. [TechCrunch]

* When Loretta Lynch still worked at Hogan & Hartson (now known as Hogan Lovells thanks to a merger), her colleagues described her as a warm person without “a political bone in her body.” That said, best of luck to her in D.C. [National Law Journal]

* The D.C. Circuit upheld the Affordable Care Act’s contraceptive opt-out plan for religious employers, but since “[t]he court is wrong,” we can count on a at least a few organizations that’ll refuse to comply. Gee, thanks a lot, Obama. [WSJ Law Blog]

* Some call the latest Biglaw tie-up “law-firm Darwinism,” but hey, “[i]t’s not like [Bingham’s] a wounded gazelle and we are pouncing on them,” says a too coy Morgan Lewis lawyer. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

* Fashion law may be a $985 billion global industry, but only five law school courses on the topic exist in the U.S. Why? “There’s no defensible reason except that fashion is perceived as a frivolous subject.” [AFP]

* This woman plans to appeal a $1 billion divorce settlement award because it’s not “fair and equitable.” In her defense, she did get a very small percentage of her ex-husband’s multibillion-dollar wealth. [People]

* Wage and hour laws have never been so sexy: Thanks to this court ruling, Rick’s Cabaret is going to have to make it rain on thousands of strippers to the tune of more than $10 million. [New York Times]

Protip: Don't call the police because a stripper won't have sex with you.

The men behind the legal team with a 1940s gangster style of dress are now revealed.

Go ahead and file this one under: What Not To Wear...

Go ahead and file this one under: What Not To Wear...

What are the latest juicy revelations in Alexandra Marchuk's lawsuit against her former firm and one of its partners?

What, you think you should bring a clown to a teen birthday party?

* Leading litigatrix Kathryn Ruemmler will leave her position as White House counsel and return to private practice. Perhaps she’ll have more time (and money) to build her shoe collection. [Blog of Legal Times]

* If you care about the business end of the law, you’ll want to see which firms are representing Corporate America. This is a list that matters. We’ll have more on this later today. [Corporate Counsel]

* Biglaw firms in Chicago are shrinking, with headcount at the 25 largest firms dropping by 15 percent since 2008. Don’t worry, this is the “new normal,” everything’s fine. [Crain’s Chicago Business]

* Show me your poker face: UNLV Law’s dean wants to raise the school’s profile in the eyes of new students by bulking up its gaming law program and letting the chips fall where they may. [Las Vegas Sun]

* It looks like the wage and hour ruling against Rick’s Cabaret has started an avalanche of lawsuits filed by angry, underpaid strippers. Now, they want $10 million inserted into their g-strings. [New York Daily News]

* Earlier this week, Verizon faced off against the Federal Communications Commission in a net neutrality battle royal before the D.C. Circuit. Next time, make FiOS work before trying to get a do-over on the way the internet runs. [New York Times]

* “I see my job as an air traffic controller. And I see an unending line of airplanes.” Federal judges are buckling under the heavy weight of their caseloads, and from the sound of it, they’re not at all happy about the situation. [National Law Journal (sub. req.)]

* Which Biglaw firms strike the most fear into the hearts of their opponents when it comes to litigation? One firm got the boot from last year’s list, and we’ll have more on this later today. [Law360 (sub. req.)]

* Duane Morris is the first U.S. firm to open an office in Myanmar on some prime real estate. Be jealous of their associates as they bask in the splendor of its beautiful architecture. [Philadelphia Business Journal]

* A trio of Quinn Emanuel partners, including John Quinn himself, teamed up to open a high-class sushi joint in L.A. If he waits tables, he’ll definitely need someone to break a hundred. [Am Law Daily (sub. req.)]

* The Sixth Circuit affirmed the dismissal of a former student’s suit against Thomas M. Cooley Law School, and now he’ll have to live with shame for all eternity after being branded a cheater. [Law360 (sub. req.)]

* Strippers aren’t independent contractors, they’re employees entitled to minimum wage, says a judge. Taking off their clothes for only $7.25 an hour will do wonders for their self-esteem. [New York Daily News]

* Lady Gaga is being taken to trial over the wage-and-hour lawsuit filed by her former personal assistant. We wonder if the pop star will be as foul-mouthed on the stand as she was in her deposition. [ABC News]