TikTok

* Fifth Circuit judge scolds attorney for “personal attack” because she accurately described the district court opinion as unprecedented. As Inigo Montoya would put it, “I don’t think that word means what Judge Elrod thinks it means. [Slate]

* After watching Disney’s experience beating up on Florida lawyers, Penguin Random House is starting to sue Florida school districts for banning books. [AP]

* Montana has banned TikTok in a reminder that “free speech” is now limited to punishing students for carrying mean signs during FedSoc events. [Wall Street Journal]

* Deutsche Bank paying $75 million to settle claims that the bank facilitated Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking operations. Another win for Boies Schiller Flexner and Edwards Pottinger representing Epstein’s victims. [Reuters]

* Massachusetts US Attorney accused of abuse of power “to achieve a political goal epitomiz[ing] the type of ‘political justice’ that Congress intended to prohibit.” Too bad she wasn’t a judge taking free vacations from parties before the court… she’d be home free by now.[Law360]

* WilmerHale earned 5 percent of its total revenue from Meta, the company you remember as Facebook before they completely retooled to chase a creepy VR chat room that they’ve since killed after costing the company about $13 billion. Which is all to say that Wilmer may want to diversify its revenue streams at this rate. [Bloomberg Law News]

* A discussion of Shadow Docket by Steve Vladeck (affiliate link). [ABA Journal]

* John Durham publishes report ripping all the wrongdoing that he could never substantiate during all the years taxpayers paid him to investigate. It’s the legal equivalent of “look, I know she was into me… no I never asked her out, but I stalked her for awhile and I’m positive she’d have totally been into me if I had.” In other words, the perfect document for the Fox audience. [Law360]

* Biglaw attorneys have taken to TikTok and their employers are worried about their online personas. Take the moral panic Biglaw had over the internet, and then Facebook, and then Twitter, and just insert it here. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Wells Fargo puts up a billion dollars to settle shareholder complaints that the bank misled them over its compliance with the orders entered after the last time the bank misled them. [Reuters]

* Law firms are leasing office space again. So much for using the lessons of the pandemic to cut overhead and maybe give clients a break. [American Lawyer]

* Ukraine’s top Supreme Court justice accused of taking massive bribe. Has Harlan Crow ever been to Kyiv? [Radio Free Europe]

* SEC seeks $200 million in real money to deal with enforcement problems caused by fake money. [Law360]

* We noted in our coverage of the Disney-DeSantis battle that Trump was going to roast this guy for embarrassing himself in a land deal. A Trump PAC has already started. [CNN]

* Law schools growing antsy over new USNWR rankings after they yanked their data from the process. The elite schools will still be the elite schools, but even if there’s not much change, what does it mean when we all know it’s not backed by the school’s data? [Reuters Legal]

* Legislators hate TikTok more than they like actually legislating, which totally tracks. [Bloomberg Law News]

* Federal rules may craft special provisions for MDL litigation. Has it really been that much of a problem? Judges have managed to handle it for decades at this point. [Law.com]

* Meta settles class action for $725 million, which might be the most the company has lost without Zuck wearing VR goggles. [Courthouse News Service]

* Paltrow trial “riddled With ’embarrassing’ mistakes by legal teams.” Like allowing it to happen in the first place? [Newsweek]

* I love some good parody and a good whiskey. What will SCOTUS think of a parody of whiskey? [ABA Journal]

* Take my food and I’ll take you to court! Grubhub, Uber Eats, and Postmates can’t arbitrate their way out of this one. [Reuters]

* Kirkland & Ellis is pulling Metallica’s strings advising this acquisition. [Bloomberg Law]

* To Life, Liberty, and a Right to A Stable Climate. [Bloomberg Law]

* The stakes are climbing against TikTok. I doubt a dance challenge will get to the root of this. [Ars Technica]

* Enrollment in Amy Wax’s classes is dropping. Haha Bozo. [The DP] * What? Companies may have to actually moderate the content they host? [Yahoo!] * Considering a state job? You might not be as able to keep up on those new dancing trends… [CBS News] * The Swiftie to Sherman Act enforcer pipeline is […]