Lawrence Goldstein Larry Goldstein Oompa Loompa Above the Law blog.jpgUPDATE (5/14/2014): The charge discussed in this story was refused on April 28, 2008, and the arrest record was expunged; see end of story below.

We do not intend to diminish the seriousness of attempted rape charges. But the bizarreness of this fact pattern cannot be denied. From WBRZ News:

A New Orleans lawyer sporting a purple cape, top hat and carrying a suitcase full of sex toys who visited a 24-year-old house-sitter has been arrested on counts of attempted rape and other crimes, police said.

Lawrence J. Goldstein, 40, attacked the woman early Monday, ripping her clothes off, torturing her, and forcing her to inhale “laughing gas” and smoke marijuana, Covington police said in a statement Tuesday.

Goldstein, who had sprayed the upper half of his body pink and sprinkled it with glitter, also brought a canister of nitrous oxide, known as laughing gas, police said.

The woman fled and called the police. Here’s what they encountered when they showed up, from the New Orleans Times-Picayune:

When officers arrived, they found Goldstein in the residence wearing only trousers and body paint and with a bag full of whips, chains, a sex toy and handcuffs, [police spokesman Lt. Jack] West said….

West said the officer on the scene told him, “I opened the door and this Oompa-Loompa is standing there,” referring to the brightly-colored characters from “Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” While searching the man’s car, they discovered its trunk was packed with hay and contained two hula hoops and another whip, West said.

We don’t want to know how he uses the hula hoops.

Again, we appreciate the seriousness of the charges, and the fear the victim must have felt (assuming the allegations are true). But one might reasonably question her judgment, including her Britney-esque parenting skills, as did one message-board commenter:

Oh, this story would be SOOOO funny were it not for the baby. This woman made mistakes all over the map.

She invited a man over for the night — a guy she “met” on the internet.

She intended for this man to share a house where her baby was sleeping.

She admitted a stranger into a house that didn’t belong to her.

She opened the door for a guy who looked like an oompa-loompa.

She smoked pot and inhaled nitrous oxide with the guy — with a baby in the house no less. (Her version is that she was “forced” to do this.)

She left the baby in the house when she ran.

I hope Louisiana CPS got her address and has already paid a visit…

For more background on Lawrence Goldstein, Esq., check out his campaign website (from when he ran for New Orleans City Council — no joke).

UPDATE: There are two (or more) sides to every story. For a different point of view, see here.

UPDATE (5/14/2014): It turns out there was more to this story. The young woman had first placed a personal ad “looking for a sugar-daddy w4m – 24,” then sent Mr Goldstein an email offering to “take care of all your fantasies,” and finally invited him to her home late at night. Mr Goldstein, a known devotee of Mardi Gras, came directly from a Mardi Gras party, still attired in his remarkable costume and carrying with him various appurtenances germane to its circus theme.

The woman withdrew her charge. The state declined to prosecute, and the record was ordered expunged.

For a recent article concerning Goldstein’s unique involvement in Mardi Gras, see here.

Oy, Such An Accusation! [NOLAFugees.com]
“I opened the door and this Oompa-Loompa is standing there” [Lagniappe]
Woman attacked by man in Carnival garb, police say [New Orleans Times-Picayune]
Lawyer accused of attempted rape [The Advocate / WBRZ News]
Vote for Lawrence Goldstein [official website]


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