Associate Advice, pls hndle thx, Romance and Dating

Pls Hndle Thx: Don't Stand So Close to Me

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Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
This week, we’re changing things up a bit here at Pls Hndle Thx. Does this have anything to do with the fact that the usual problem-response-counter response-response format is getting a bit tiresome? No! It has everything to do with this week’s salacious question:

ATL:
I have a crush on one of the ATL staff. I’m not going to give gender, and I won’t say anymore. You know me; I comment under the name “Guest.” You’ll recall that Meade, Ann Althouse’s commenter suitor, asked in her blog’s comments how he could win her affection, and Ann gave him some advice. Now I’m asking you all for your advice. How can I win this person over?
Cyrano de B.

If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends, the Spice Girls once sang, so I took their wise advice and went straight to the sources themselves — Lat, Elie, Kash and Roxana — to ask what it takes to be their Rock of Love.
Gentlemen?
Elie: I like women who are demonstrably more intelligent than me, with large breasts. Which pretty much exactly describes my wife. Actually, it perfectly describes my wife. My wife is perfect. In every way. Are there other women? I didn’t notice. Can I go home now Marin? I have to make some space for myself on the couch.
Lat: Charmingly eccentric, boyishly appealing, well-educated professional seeks same. Enjoys reading (mostly fiction and periodicals), blogging, theater, film, going to the beach, riding in cars with boys, getting free stuff in the mail, and drinking vanilla soy milk. Quintessential Gemini, with a wide range of interests and a weakness for novelty — willing to try almost anything once. Stalk me on Facebook or Twitter.
But we’re not done yet. Find out what kills with the Ladies of ATL, after the jump.


Kash: Kash appreciates the occasional marriage proposal from “Guest,” but is sometimes confused by other comments from the threads. Is being “HoTTT” a good thing or a bad thing? This blogger appreciates being courted by those in the New York City metropolitan area who can pass along great tips and story ideas. Feel free to friend her on Facebook. Her perfect date? Well, she’s still waiting to be asked out by Big Law Associate 3121958. She loves raw meat and is tight with Nino, after all.
Roxana: As you can see from my picture, I am actually made of bronze. But I’m openminded, so you can be made out of any old metal. Come to think of it, I’m also blindfolded, so you could be made out of Pez and I wouldn’t notice (at least not right away). My turn-ons include commas, pea soup, gainful employment, and plotting elaborate revenge scenarios using office supplies and the occasional egg. Suitors should be fluent in song lyrics from the ’60s and ’70s, like/not hate cats, and have the ability to turn straw into hot and cold running coffee. Turn-offs include troll dolls and quitters (it’s not “too long”; you’re just being lazy). Oh — and don’t ask me to “give you back that Filet O’ Fish.”
And as for me, unless you’re disgustingly wealthy, do not read on. If you have arrived at this sentence, welcome. I’m into dog shows, celebrities and Weird Al. I need a man who will agree to couples therapy and who will still love me if I let myself go. When we hit up Dave and Busters, we redeem our tickets for Chinese finger traps, because great minds think alike. Dream date: we take cell phone pictures of tourists emerging from STOMP and cruelly mock them over the dinner that you pay for. I later claim to have a headache. Now accepting applications.
I hope this answers your question.
Your friend,
Marin

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