Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to firstname.lastname@example.org.
For the NY bar, exam takers were given the option of either hand writing the test or typing it on a laptop using ExamSoft. I chose to type it because I can obviously type faster than I can write, but I have been having nightmares about my computer freezing on me or some kind of tech glitch happening during the test. I am really freaking out over here. Should I change over to handwriting?
Katharine Gibbs School for Typing
Dear Katharine Gibbs School for Typing,
When I was your age, there was no such thing as being given “the option” to type the bar exam, unless you were among a select group of Benedict Arnolds who volunteered to participate in the 2005 bar exam laptop test run. Everybody else hand wrote the exam, just like our fathers before us, and their fathers and our father’s father’s fathers and so on and so forth as far back as President Abraham Lincoln, who somehow got away with just “reading” law, most likely because he was a giant and people weren’t about to pick a fight with him over minor things.
The law guild is no different than any other gang: you have to get jumped to get in. Us hand writers wrote until our fingers seized up and our hands gnarled into claws, and by God we liked it that way. My year, some poor soul’s hand fell off altogether so he switched hands and kept right on writing, because that’s just what you do. You typers seem to forget that the first part of the Character and Fitness test is purification by pain.
But you and your Turing machines know nothing of “”honor” or “loyalty” or “code.” Maybe your so-called “laptop” will ease your sissy hand cramps, but it will do nothing to address the fundamental issue here. You, sir, have no respect for your elders or for the handwriting brotherhood. You sicken me.
Will there be problems with your laptop on the day of the exam? Only God knows. And He is watching you and your computer, my friend. And He is judging.
You must trust technology. Give into technology. Be willing to put your very life in the hands of Macintosh 6 or Dell Tigh and know that everything will be okay. If your computer abandons you during the bar, you’ll know that you didn’t deserve to pass. Either way, our toaster masters know what is best for you, there is nothing to be afraid of.
Technology is here to help you reach your destiny, not mindlessly serve your primate will. Do not fight it. Only when you give into technology will you know happiness and peace.
The Cylons are not your enemies. They will help you pass the bar, if that is what God wants.