Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
ATL,
Can you please offer your insight into proper etiquette for ring tones in the workplace? I understand someone may have an affinity for The Jitterbug in their personal life, but when did it become acceptable to leave your cell phone on full volume while in the office knowing that it will go off at least three times each day? I work next to a law clerk whose phone sounds like it’s Mario eating a magic mushroom whenever he receives a message. I’ve asked him to put his phone on vibrate or silent when he comes to work, but it hasn’t sunk in — do I need to pull a Bluto from Animal House and smash his phone to stop the madness?
Gallagher
Dear Gallagher, this question is disturbing on many levels….
The most troubling part of your question is not that someone doesn’t have the decency to turn their ringer off, it’s that this person a) has a “cell phone” and b) is using it to place and receive “telephone calls” like some sort of cave man. That’s like sending three faxes a day and backing up work on diskettes. Before you even get into the ringer discussion with this person, you should probably pull him aside and explain that carrying around a Razr is absolutely preposterous, and that he also needs to get rid of his car phone, Palm Pilot, Prodigy membership and whatever other 1860s technology he has.
In any event, I agree with you: nobody wants to hear Mario eating a mushroom a zillion times a day. But making this person (or anybody) keep a phone on vibrate or silent could have devastating consequences for his social life. He’ll end up sending delayed responses to texts and his friends will assume that he’s playing games and the friendship is over because everybody knows that everybody else is at their phone and computer 24/7.
The solution here is to tell this dude that if he‘s serious about his career, he can’t do things like use Nintendo ring tones or text 45363 to have a Joke of the Day sent to his phone. If he’s gonna work in Biglaw, he’s gotta have a respectable ring, like the opening saxophone from Rump Shaker or the theme from Perfect Strangers. If he refuses to upgrade, you have my permission to go Bluto on his Nokia.
Your friend,
Marin
Sorry, this theme is stuck in my head now, and I don’t intend to bear this cross alone:
Ahh, that’s the good stuff… and reason number 4,927 why Marin and I will never hook up.
Anyway, was there a question here? Oh yeah, apparently some associate tight-ass can’t get over the fact that a fellow colleague has added a little flair to his telephonic life. Look buddy, you work in an office, not on a golf course. Maybe there is some monastery out there where people can pursue their work free from all noise pollution. But out here in the real world, noise happens. Sirens blare, secretaries moan, and occasionally people receive calls on their cell phones. Learn to block it out like a professional or buy some earplugs, but please don’t enforce your monkish noise standards on a younger generation.
I have a high tolerance for other people ringing and beeping while I’m trying to get work done. Is it because I’m deaf? Is it because I’m even-tempered? Is it because I am so full of the milk of freaking human kindness that I allow each his own? No, no, and absolutely not. I tolerate others because I’m sitting around all the time looking for some excuse for why I can’t get something done.
Get your work done. Let the ring tone police focus their efforts in movie theaters and church.
Ed. note: Have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com.
First
in other news, Obama calls blacks “mongrels”. I agree.
http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/1116...
Not suprising. Add ring tones and text messages to a list of rude things that Gen Y does. It's like they have no concept of class or respect for other human beings whatsoever.
The worst is when you are having a conversation (business or personal) and they answer a cell phone or text when you are standing right there.
Alright Nintendo, we're gonna do this, we're gonna play this video game, you and me Mario we're going to find the Princess, she's going to be grateful, she's gonna give you a kiss, next thing you know you're gonna get laid tonight.
Alright Nintendo, we're gonna do this, we're gonna play this video game, you and me Mario we're going to find the Princess, she's going to be grateful, she's gonna give you a kiss, next thing you know you're gonna get laid tonight.
Oh my gosh, Marin. I thought I was the only one who loved the theme song to Perfect Strangers.
“Ahh, that’s the good stuff… and reason number 4,927 why Marin and I will never hook up.”
Reasons 1 through 4,926: Marin isn't into walruses.
Here is the perfect solution to your problem:
When I was a paralegal before starting law school, I had a co-worker who as a joke would take someone's cell phone, turn the volume to maximum, and hide it in a hard-to-reach place in the middle of the office. Then he would call the phone and hilarity ensued as the poor victim raced to find their phone and cut off the ring tone rendition of “Celebrate” now serenading the entire floor. The key is to find a good hiding place – preferably in a trash can underneath something wet and smelly, or if the victim is short then on top of a cabinet out of reach. This guy was a master, once he even took apart a printer and reassembled it around a phone.
Hit this idiot with this prank so that the entire floor hears his stupid ring tone and he'll be shamed into using vibrate.
HTH
Was your co-worker Jim Halpert?
thats no big deal. some kid in my highschool used to hide our phones in the girls lockeroom and call them during gym class all the time. it was no big deal.
Did Jim do that in the Office? If so then my opinion of this guy went down significantly
Mystal is fat!
I like this post so much I do the dance of joy!
It's my life and my dream. Nothing's gonna stop me now…
Well I can think of a couple options, first the Bluto thing is definitely a pretty viable one and shouldn't be taken off the table. Second, you could set your own ringtone to something even more annoying so that he feels you pain (one possibility: a group of BONOBOS! loudly engagin in incestous homosexual sex!). Third, sign his phone number up for every annoying telemarketer and ideally phone sex solicitation hotlines you can think, the ensuing embarassment/annoyance of constant wrong numbers should get the message across.
Agreed. MostGen Y'ers were raised by baboons.
Actually don't bother reading a word of what I just wrote, go with Brosef Stalin's idea, absolutely genius. Wasn't that done in an episode of the office though or am I just imagining that?
Targeting Gen Y only because Gen X and older generations haven't grasped the concept of blackberries, Iphones and cell phones. Although personally, I find my parents' generation to be the worst about cell phone usage — ringers are on loud (probably b/c they can't hear it at any lower volumes), taking forever to either ignore the call or take it b/c they can't even see (without reading glasses) who is calling, and picking really strange ring tones because they are still excited that they can choose different ring tones.
frat stud fail
Better than being raised by BONOBOS!!!1111ONEONE
I think Gallagher is making too much of hearing a few ringtones at work. Offices can be very loud; plus, there's usually the option of shutting one's door, which isn't true in a lot of other places.
Context matters. For example, if the paralegal ever lets his phone ring at full volume on Acela's quiet car, he'd have an impossible time getting a reservation at Dorsia ever again — even if his phone wasn't smashed Bluto-style.
Elie, what's reason #1 that Marin won't hook up with you? And please don't say it's because you're both married. We all know that doesn't really stop anyone these days.
Dude you can't go making Dorsia jokes when your avatar is a freakin lolcat, just sayin.
Just give this guy a job as a bar exam proctor. Having an annoying ring tone is pretty much the only qualification for that job.
It's because he's fat. Did you really have to ask?
Actually, that was kind of harsh, my apologies. I am right now giggling to myself thinking of little cats dressed up in suits, covered in blood, with butcher knives in their paws captioned with things such as: “I only can haz feelings of greed and loating” “I killz em for the lulz.” and so on and so forth.
Tweedleedeeleedee Dee Tweedleedeeleedee Dee
My ringtone is also a best hit from “Here Comes Treble,” Cornell's finest male acapella ensemble.
I think reason #1 is that she doesn't like me very much. My Big Sexy physique doesn't come up till somewhere in the teens.
You just need to use some hot jamz. Try these, e.g.:
Believe me sweety I got enough to feed the needy
So we can steam on the way to the telly go fill my belly
A t-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch's grape
http://xkcd.com/479/
Enough said.
In addition, you young associate sizzle chests that meander uncontrollably on the sidewalks staring at your BBs, IPhones, etc., should be shot in the knee cap.
Clearly a troll, and a bad attempt at that.
Ha, Marin's more likely to be the person who has the gun up in her waist, wanting to shoot up the place.
Grasp the concept of cell phones and blackberries? I have a cell phone, a blackberry, a laptop, a desktop, an ipod and numerous tech toys. I am more apt than most – yest I know that I can consolodate devices, I choose not to.
All electronic devices should be slient in your place of work, especially a law firm. When you are speaking with someone, they deserve your full attention and you should ignore calls and texts. This is Basic Respect for Humans 101.
No excuse for having an audible ringtone unless you are 14 or 90.
Must be a tax lawyer.
You had to take a class in Basic Respect for Humans? What was your undergraduate degree in?
Jerky Boys? Really?
You gotta have good fingers to work with them hot dogs!