The competition wasn’t close. The winning caption, from a field of eight contenders, garnered 49 percent of the votes. Here it is:
Born October 8, 2010, David Spencer will be of average appearance with an aptitude for language arts but merely average scores in mathematics. He will be sheltered by his parents, leading to moderate social awkwardness and introversion, naturally directing him to creative pursuits rather than athletics in his K-12 career. He will study in a college of arts and sciences in a respectable but not Ivy League institution and go on to post-graduate work in a slightly more respectable but not Ivy League institution. He will find employment with a large corporation or nonprofit and, within one to three years, decide in a misguided search for meaning, relevancy and self-validation, to attend a respectable but not Ivy League law school, where he will graduate in the top 15% of this class before realizing that a legal career no longer offers any of what he seeks, if it ever really did. He will incur a heartbreaking amount of debt.
This is David’s chair. We’ll be waiting, David. We’re always here, waiting.
Brilliant — a caption that makes you laugh and cry at the same time. Although it’s just two paragraphs long, it’s a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. (If you wrote it, feel free to email us, subject line “Caption Contest Winner,” and say hello.)