Archive for March 2011

John Roberts Pokes Fun at AT&T’s ‘Personal Privacy’

By Kashmir Hill
Southwestern Bell payphone with new AT&T signage

Not human enough to warrant 'personal privacy'

There’s some good news this week for those people whose blood boils at the mention of Citizens United. The Supreme Court proved that it is not always sympathetic to the rights of corporations — and is even willing to have some fun at their expense.

Chief Justice John Roberts penned a tongue-in-cheek opinion lambasting AT&T lawyers’ legal reasoning that has Dahlia Lithwick at Slate asking whether Roberts is the funniest justice ever. (Cue a scowl here from the legions of Scalia lovers in the audience.)

The case at the heart of the hilarity is FCC v. AT&T. The telephone company was involved in a billing practices investigation in 2004, in which it paid a $500,000 fine but admitted no wrongdoing. Some clever rivals at CompTel — a trade association representing some of AT&T’s competitors — wanted to take advantage of FOIA to get documents from the investigation and find out more about AT&T’s inner workings and alleged wrongdoing.

AT&T claimed protection under the Freedom of Information Act’s “personal privacy” exemption. A lower court was sympathetic to AT&T: “Corporations, like human beings, face public embarrassment, harassment and stigma” when they get involved with investigations by authorities. In other words: artificial persons have feelings too!

The Supreme Court did not agree. John Roberts whipped out a can of dictionary definitions to explain why corporations aren’t entitled to “personal privacy.”

Read on at Forbes….

Facebook Status Update of the Day: Most. Embarrassing. Loss. Ever.

By Elie Mystal

Still shocked that yesterday our attorney lost to a pro se litigant that was immediately taken into custody after the verdict for drinking in court, being drunk while in court and blowing a .13!!!

– Status update of a person who works for a tow truck company who watched something horrible happen.

Would-Be-Lawyer of the Day: Don’t Put ☺ in a Court Filing

By David Lat

Here’s some good news for lawyers who enjoy blogging or instant-messenger services like Gchat. It’s right in the headline of this here National Law Journal story: Smiley face, snark, don’t render law grad unfit to practice.

Many of us get snarky in our personal writing, and many of us employ emoticons in email messages or Gchat exchanges. As litigators well know, sometimes a cold transcript doesn’t adequately convey tone. For this reason, I’ve even seen federal judges use winking smiley-face emoticons in email messages.

But you shouldn’t use smiley faces in documents you file with the court — even the super-icky courts that hear traffic appeals (yes, they exist). This is a lesson that Marilyn Ringstaff, a 2006 graduate of John Marshall Law School, learned the hard way….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Would-Be-Lawyer of the Day: Don’t Put ☺ in a Court Filing”

Career Center Survey Results: What Counts as Billable Time

By Above the Law

If work is slow and you need a good chunk of hours to meet your billable target or to be eligible for a bonus, what’s your best bet for boosting your billables? 

According to the 884 respondents to Tuesday’s survey, pro bono work.  About 68% of respondents say their firms give billable credit for at least some pro bono hours.  On the other hand, only 12% of respondents say that their firms count client/business development activities as billable time, although another 15% report that these hours may affect bonus decisions.

What are some of the other popular billable activities?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Career Center Survey Results: What Counts as Billable Time”

Old White Man Sues Firm, Alleging Racial, Gender, and Age Discrimination

By Elie Mystal

Ray Carey

You don’t see this everyday. Raymond Carey, a 57-year-old white male partner at Foley & Lardner, is suing the firm, alleging that it paid him less than it would have paid a “female, non-Caucasian, younger partner.”

Sadly, it appears the only evidence Carey has for his claims is that he wasn’t paid as much as he feels he was promised. That’s disappointing. When women, gays, or minorities make discrimination claims, there are usually juicy tidbits about inappropriate jokes and statements made to the alleged victim. But I just read through a 63-page complaint and there wasn’t a single alleged “cracker” joke. Apparently nobody at Foley told Carey he needed to show “more bulge.”

But hey, if the brother’s not getting paid as much as other people in his office, maybe he has a point. And even if you don’t find the complaint particularly salacious, one of Carey’s attached exhibits is the Foley & Lardner partnership agreement….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Old White Man Sues Firm, Alleging Racial, Gender, and Age Discrimination”

Size Matters: Small Firms and Big Technology

By Valerie Katz

Ed. note: This is the latest installment of Size Matters, one of Above the Law’s new columns for small-firm lawyers.

We all know that it is only a matter of time before we are replaced by computers. As Elie explained a few weeks ago, the legal community is already predicting how computers can do the work of junior associates. I guess we can breathe a momentary sigh of relief after Rep. Rush Holt showed Watson who is boss. But I personally have been preparing for this day since 1985, when I first learned about Vicki from Small Wonder.

With the writing on the wall, it seems like there is no better time for us to embrace our computer brethren. And small law firms should be leading the charge.

My firm is not at the bleeding edge of legal technology. There are mid-level associates who still insist on dictating their briefs. We only recently converted to using Microsoft Word. Mark-ups are old-school (i.e., a red pen is used to mark-up a paper copy). And all associates are expected to be conversant in Morse Code. As an aside, this has actually come in handy when I send out my daily S.O.S.

But there are some small law firms doing big things with technology….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Size Matters: Small Firms and Big Technology”

Associate Bonus Watch: Paul Hastings Consolidates Regular and Spring Bonus News Into One Money Orgy Announcement

By Elie Mystal

Paul Hastings is throwing cash around. At least, that’s the impression it’s trying to give off. Unlike the firms that announced regular bonuses back in December and spring bonuses in the new year, Paul Hastings held off on a December bonus announcement and is only now coming out with its full bonus package.

And Paul Hastings isn’t a straight lockstep firm. Paul Hastings lists some bonus amounts available to the top-performing associates, but because of various merit factors, most associates will not be receiving those top figures, and some are not eligible for a bonus at all.

So while there is money flying all around the Paul Hastings bonus memo, it’s hard to tell how much of it will stick to real Paul Hastings associates…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Associate Bonus Watch: Paul Hastings Consolidates Regular and Spring Bonus News Into One Money Orgy Announcement”

Inside Straight: ‘Standard of Review Decides Cases’

By Mark Herrmann

Ed. note: This is the latest installment of Inside Straight, Above the Law’s column for in-house counsel, written by Mark Herrmann.

Here are two stories, from nearly thirty years apart. They’re bookends on the subject of why standard of review counts.

Travel back with me, if you will, to the summer of 1983. I’m ten minutes out of law school, and I’ve just arrived in the chambers of Judge Dorothy W. Nelson of the Ninth Circuit, for whom I’ll clerk. Our wise and sagacious predecessor-clerks — out of law school for an entire year! — are introducing us to the job. (We overlapped for one week.)

One of my predecessor-clerks, John Danforth, asked the new group: “Do you think standard of review matters in appeals?”

I knew the answer, and I was about to pop off: “Of course not! Once you convince the court that your side is right, the judges will do whatever it takes to rule in favor of your client. Standard of review is just a silly lawyers’ game.”

Fortunately, Danforth talks quickly. Before I was able to make a fool of myself, he said: “Standard of review decides cases. It decides cases. That’s the most important thing I’ve learned in a year of clerking. Standard of review makes all the difference in the world.”

Why?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Inside Straight: ‘Standard of Review Decides Cases’”

Morning Docket: 03.03.11

By Morning Dockette

* Two and a half men no more: now that Charlie Sheen’s kids have been taken away, it looks like he’s down to just half a man. That’s okay, though, because he’s got tiger blood. [Washington Post]

* At this point, you’d think that the feds would let you do just about anything to grow the economy. Not so, though, when the thing you want to grow it with is pot. [New York Times]

* What’s the easiest way to get the FBI to install a secret tracking device in your car? By being a Muslim, apparently. [CNN Justice]

* If you’re a judge presiding over a case where a MLB team is the defendant, you probably shouldn’t wear the team’s gear outside court – and if you do, don’t get caught, because that’s not kosher. [New York Daily News]

* Groupon should be sued for their obnoxious commercials, but they’re actually being sued for selling “gift certificates.” Oops, someone should tell the plaintiff that Groupon sells “vouchers.” [NBC Chicago]

* Guys, next time you feel the urge to photoshop a little girl’s face onto the body of a naked woman, just don’t. It’s not sexy for normal people, and it’s not a form of free speech. [New York Law Journal]

* Senior Ninth Circuit Judge Cynthia Holcomb Hall, R.I.P. [Los Angeles Times]

Jokes / Torts 101: A California Woman, A Banana Peel, And…?

By Elie Mystal

Legendary humorist Charlie Chaplin was once asked to describe “funny.” He famously responded: “You take a woman walking down the sidewalk. Show the audience a banana peel in front of her. Everyone knows that she is going to step on the banana peel and do a pratfall. At the last instant, she sees the banana peel, steps over it and falls into an open manhole that neither she nor the audience knew was there.”

Alright Charlie. Well here we have the set-up almost right. Reuters has a story about a banana peel and a 58-year-old California woman who busted her ass slipping on one.

Alone that’s not very funny, so we need something more. We need an open manhole…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Jokes / Torts 101: A California Woman, A Banana Peel, And…?”

Non-Sequiturs: 03.02.11

By David Lat & Elie Mystal

* Marc Randazza wants to feed the members of the Westboro Baptist Church into a wood chipper, but he respects their First Amendment rights; accordingly, “the Westboro Baptist Church is the first entity to receive both the First Amendment Bad Ass award and the Asshat award in a single blog post.” [The Legal Satyricon]

* Everyone’s talking about the Westboro Baptist Church case, but don’t overlook Chief Justice Roberts’s hilarious opinion in FCC v. AT&T, rejecting a corporation’s claim of privacy rights under FOIA (contrary to the alarmist predictions of certain overwrought, Citizens United-obsessed liberals). [Slate]

* Speaking of noteworthy cases, check out the latest precedent of Zoopreme Court: Justice Under Paws. [Zoopreme Court]

* New New Hampshire motto: Leave my junk free or die. [Huffington Post]

* Musical chairs: three real-estate partners leave Kirkland & Ellis in Chicago for Latham & Watkins. Speaking of these firms, will either pay spring bonuses? [Chicago Tribune]

* Meanwhile, on the South Side, UofC Law is encouraging young black high schoolers to go to law school. If B (# of black students) < P (Posner) + L (Liberals), then you've got to do some outreach. [University of Chicago Law School]

* If you enjoyed our recent post about Chief Judge Kozinski’s taste in movies, you can check out all of his mini-reviews over here. [IMDb]

* Some reflections by Jane Genova on politics, law firms, and the power game. [Law and More]

Small Firms, Big Lawyers: Don’t Be an Extension Douche

By Jay Shepherd

Ed. note: This is the latest installment of Small Firms, Big Lawyers, one of Above the Law’s new columns for small-firm lawyers.

About ten years ago, my former law partner and I were involved in a noncompete case against the fourteenth-largest firm in the country. (It’s since slipped about forty spots. As you’ll see, payback’s a bitch.) The ginormous firm hit us with an emergency motion for injunctive relief, and gave us only two days before the hearing to respond. At the time, there were just two of us in our firm, and we were busy with a couple other matters as well. So we called up the lawyer on the other side, explained our situation, and asked him to indulge us with a short extension.

He replied, “No, I’m a douche. You can’t have an extension. See you in court.” It’s possible that I’m misremembering some of the actual words, but my recollection of the meaning is spot on. So my partner and I cleared the decks of our other work, buckled down, pulled an all-nighter, and got our opposition brief done in time for the hearing. Oh, and won.

The following week, the tables turned. We filed a motion to get the case dismissed for forum non conveniens, marking the one time in my career that I actually used something I learned in law school. We filed and served our brief and got a hearing scheduled for four days later. Then our opposing counsel called and — wait for it — asked us for an extension.

What do you think my partner told him?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Small Firms, Big Lawyers: Don’t Be an Extension Douche”

Thanks to This Week’s Advertisers

By Above the Law

Want to work in Hong Kong? Read the Asia Chronicles.

Don’t forget to check out the latest post in the Asia Chronicles, a discussion of what overseas hiring partners are looking for in associate candidates from the U.S., brought to you by Kinney Recruiting.

And now, thanks to this week’s advertisers on Above the Law:

If you’re interested in advertising on Above the Law or any other site in the Breaking Media network, please download our media kits, or email advertising@breakingmedia.com. Thanks!

Law Schools That Will Get You Into Biglaw On The Cheap

By Elie Mystal

Now this is an interesting list. Yesterday we wrote about how the National Law Journal ranked law schools based on how many graduates they send straight into large law firms. Even if you think law school is a “scam,” you have to at least acknowledge that it’s a pyramid scheme. There are some winners. There are some people who mortgage their financial futures but are then rewarded with $160,000-a-year jobs right out of school. (Yes, I’m suggesting that billing 2400 hours a year, locked in a windowless conference room, reviewing some stupid emails or lease agreements, is a “reward” — just go with it.)

As we discussed yesterday, you can look at the list in many different ways, and quibble with certain aspects of it. The ranking doesn’t account for schools who send people into Article III clerkships, for instance. And you should note that getting a Biglaw job isn’t the be all and end all of a successful law school experience.

Still, given the cost of law school, it’s a very useful list. And today the NLJ looks at its rankings through what is to my mind the most important lens: which schools will do the best job of getting you a Biglaw position, while charging you as little as possible for the opportunity. That’s the question more prospective law students should be asking.

The answers that the NLJ comes up with are simply awesome….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Law Schools That Will Get You Into Biglaw On The Cheap”

Courtship Connection: Gentlemen Bros Prefer Blondes

By Kashmir Hill

Well, well, well. After a string of miserable failures unsuccessful matches, I’ve finally introduced two lawyers in Washington, D.C. who both filed motions with me for a second date.

So how’d I do it? Throwing a blonde lawyer into the mix helped…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Courtship Connection: Gentlemen Bros Prefer Blondes”

Howreying for the Exits: More Partner Departures; Bootcamp Gets the Boot

By David Lat

The spinning of the revolving door at the beleaguered Howrey law firm is making our heads spin here at Above the Law. Keeping track of all the partner departures is becoming quite the challenge. We’ve collected some links about the latest partner defections, after the jump.

At this rate, it’s not clear how many lawyers will be left for “rescue” by white knight Winston & Strawn. (Protip: check the armor for bedbugs.)

Here’s some new (but hardly surprising) information: Howrey has canceled its summer program. Yes, the famous Howrey Bootcamp, touted by the firm as “[f]ar more intense and rewarding than traditional summer associate programs,” and offering “an entirely unique approach to associate recruitment and training.”

Bootcamp participants received intensive litigation training — and inspirational poetry from firm CEO Robert Ruyak, which we share with you below….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Howreying for the Exits: More Partner Departures; Bootcamp Gets the Boot”

Associate Bonus Watch: WilmerHale Jumps Into Merit-Based Spring Bonuses

By Elie Mystal

Here we go. Spring bonuses are making now making their way into firms that are not strict lockstep firms. They’re making their way into firms that are not predominately based in New York City. They’re making their way everywhere.

Yay. If you will allow me to channel my inner Oprah: you get a spring bonus, you get a spring bonus, you get a spring bonus!

WilmerHale is the latest firm to get in on spring bonus mania. The firm’s approach to associate compensation is merit-based. So if you had a crappy 2010 at WilmerHale, well, your life just got comparatively worse, vis-à-vis your more meritorious peers…

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Associate Bonus Watch: WilmerHale Jumps Into Merit-Based Spring Bonuses”

Unless You Are a Corporation, Sam Alito Wants You to STFU

By Elie Mystal

Westboro Baptist Church might be protected under the First Amendment. But maybe we can nail them for child abuse?

The Supreme Court just handed down its decision in the Westboro Baptist Church case, Snyder v. Phelps. The court ruled, 8-1, that the father of a slain Marine could not successfully sue the Westboro church in tort for protesting during his son’s funeral.

Call it Free Speech 101. The hard part about the First Amendment is that you have to allow people to say all manner of annoying, vulgar, and inappropriate things, at the wrong times.

Not that Justice Samuel Alito thinks so. Justice Alito was the lone dissenter in this case. He was also the lone dissenter in the Stevens case, in which the Court overturned a ban on animal crush videos on First Amendment grounds. But he voted with the majority in Citizens United.

I can’t wait until Sam “Not True” Alito writes a book or something explaining why regular people don’t deserve the free speech given to American corporations and sitting Supreme Court justices….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Unless You Are a Corporation, Sam Alito Wants You to STFU”

Stay Away From the Pet Cemetery

By The People's Therapist

Ed. note: This post is by Will Meyerhofer, a former Sullivan & Cromwell attorney turned psychotherapist. He holds degrees from Harvard, NYU Law, and The Hunter College School of Social Work, and he blogs at The People’s Therapist. His new book, Life is a Brief Opportunity for Joy, is available on Amazon.

There’s a terrific opening scene in Stephen King’s novel, Pet Sematary.

I don’t read a lot of Stephen King novels. That’s not because I dismiss his skill as a writer. It’s because they scare the hell out of me.

In this one, the main character is a young doctor. He’s on his first day at a hospital when a college kid is rushed into the ER. The kid was hit by a car, so he’s all smashed up, his neck broken, blood all over the place, one eyeball hanging out — whatever. Just as the doctor is concluding he’s dead, an arm shoots out, grabs the doctor by the collar, and the dead kid stares at him (with his working eyeball.)

“Stay away from the Pet Cemetery!” he intones.

In a flash, it’s over. The kid is stone cold, and the doctor wonders if he was hallucinating.

The suggestion to stay away from the pet cemetery, however, is a sensible one. Like most sensible suggestions, it goes entirely unheeded. I don’t want to give away the ending (and I only read the first 20 pages because I got scared), but I suspect that if he stays away from the pet cemetery, flesh-eating zombies won’t become an issue.

But he doesn’t listen! Lawyers are the same way. They just don’t listen!

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Stay Away From the Pet Cemetery”

Morning Docket: 03.02.11

By Morning Dockette

Running from the law (firm)?

* He might be a “litigious little man,” but I still dig Prince. Patterson Belknap just wants his billable time and his [insert guitar riff here] kiss. [New York Daily News]

* Star Magazine says that Katie Holmes is a drug addict. Which drug? Scientology. She might win the libel lawsuit, but her ultimate judge will be Xenu. [Reuters]

* A judge in Illinois won’t let a defendant who looks like the Crazy Cat Lady from the Simpsons get her hair done or wear makeup at trial. [Chicago Sun-Times]

* A judge in New York, on the other hand, will give a defendant the tie off his neck and the Brooks Brothers shirt off his back just so he can look stylish in court. [New York Post]

* Just because your kid went to the prom with a Muslim doesn’t mean that you’re down with Islam — especially not when you want to make it a felony to follow Shariah law. [Washington Post]

* Christina Aguilera got arrested for being drunk in public. Someone needs to put that genie back in her bottle before she heads the way of other infamous Mouseketeers. [ABC News]

* How desperate do you have to be to molest your kid in exchange for a date? How stupid do you have to be to think child porn therapy is real? The answer to both questions is VERY. [Detroit Free Press]

* The SEC has accused Goldman Sachs’s ex-director of insider trading. The next insider trading he’ll probably be doing is for cigarettes in the pokey. [Wall Street Journal]