Advertising, Lawyer Advertising, Weirdness

Adventures in Lawyer Advertising: Golden Showers Bring Big Dollars

We always appreciate when our readers send us tips about the seemingly endless supply of crazy lawyer websites and advertisements that are floating around in cyberspace. Just when we thought we’d seen it all, someone out there goes and raises the bar of craziness.

When we received a tip pointing us to the website of Barry Glazer in Baltimore, we actually thought it might be fake. Honestly, it almost seemed too ridiculous to be true.

Fortunately for all of us, Barry Glazer is quite real. Apparently his TV commercials have made him something of a legend in the Baltimore area, and not without good reason. One look at Mr. Glazer’s tagline tells us that we’re not dealing with your average lawyer:

“Legal advocate for the injured, disabled, and urinated upon”

Yes, you read that right. For four decades, Barry Glazer has been mounting a one-man crusade against insurance companies. In keeping with what appears to be a urine fixation on Mr. Glazer’s part, many of his ads deliver a simple message to these companies:

“Don’t urinate on my leg and tell me it’s raining.”

These pee-centric statements are just the tip of the iceberg that is the eccentricity of Barry Glazer. If nothing else, he is certainly the most interesting lawyer you’ll encounter all day.

Barry Glazer’s Facebook page provides a perfect introduction to the Baltimore legend and his wacky sense of humor:

Every once in a while, a man emerges to lead the masses to greatness. With his cunning intelligence, impressively dyed blond hair, and great catchphrases, Barry Glazer has become not only a law hero in Baltimore, but also an Icon throughout Maryland. From his world-class commercials to his expansive web page, Mr. Glazer brings pride and joy to all future lawyers. Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a hand to the man, the myth, the legend Barry R. Glazer.

“Expansive” is a generous description of Glazer’s website. In fact, it goes in so many different directions that I’m not even sure where to begin…

First, in keeping with the urine theme, you can click on the “Don’t Pee on Me” tab to read a rant about “Barry’s Top Ten Legal Insanities!” – covering topics from constitutional rights and kiddie porn to prostitution and why drug dealers get the hottest women. Really, there’s something for everyone here.

On the next tab over, we completely switch gears and get to learn about Mr. Glazer’s dog rescue efforts and doggie resort side business. And while I may not agree that “dogs are the equivalent of children that never grow up,” I do respect and admire his animal rights work. Keep fighting the good fight, Mr. Glazer.

While these pages might be a little out of the norm for a legal website, it’s not until we get toward the end of the row of tabs that we really enter crazy town.

The most insane bizarre part of Glazer’s website, by far, has to be the “My Black Son” tab. As you might have guessed (or feared), this is quite literally an introduction to Glazer’s child. It appears, though, that he would dispute the “black” characterization, for reasons that I think are best explained in Mr. Glazer’s own words.

He was born at Johns Hopkins, arguably the most advanced hospital in the world and yet they classified my baby as black. Harkening to the days of slavery when blacks were considered animals and the one drop doctrine was in effect. The logic being that even one drop of black blood polluted the entire future gene pool. When I protested that they were wiping out my entire contribution to my miracle and I didn’t like it, they responded, “what should he be called?” I responded, “how about half black and half white, or mixed?” There response is now official, he is black – his birth certificate recently arrived.

We also get a brief history of interracial marriage laws in this country:

When I was in law school it would have been illegal for me to marry his mother because she is black. I couldn’t legally marry a Chinese, but for some reason I could marry a Japanese.

OK then, moving on…

Glazer’s TV commercials may not be world-class, as he calls them, but they are certainly memorable. The links on his website might not work on your computer (I had some problems), but YouTube thankfully has a montage of some of his finer work, many of which include, of course, some reference to urine.

Among the classics is a not-at-all-veiled attack on GEICO. And just in case you hadn’t reached your daily limit of pee references, he even manages to tie together his urine fixation and the BP oil spill tragedy in an infamous “BP’eed on lately?” spot from 2010.

Ever the entrepreneur, Mr. Glazer has also branched out into merchandising. If you’re a fan of Barry Glazer and his crazy commercials, you can buy Barry Glazer t-shirts (in both human and canine varieties) for the low, low price of $20 a piece.

Mr. Glazer’s approach may be unconventional, to say the least, but it’s undeniable that he’s memorable. He perhaps summed it up best in an interview with Baltimore Magazine:

Who would play you in the movie of your life?

Ron Jeremy.

In other words, it may not be pretty, but he gets the job done like a pro.

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