In our sexually repressed society, we just love it when “normal” people are exposed to have kinky sex lives. The bigger the disparity between the person’s “regular” daytime pursuits and their nighttime shenanigans, the better.
And while we know better here at Above the Law, the outside world tends to think “lawyer” is about as conservative a day job as possible. It’s a profession of discretion. So when the New York Post found a lawyer, a government lawyer no less, who reportedly gets paid to be a dominatrix on the side, it was going to be big news.
But come on, doesn’t “dominatrix” sound like relatively normal sexual activity for a securities lawyer working in the New York Attorney General’s office? This doesn’t sound like something she should be punished for.
Let she who is really satisfied by going home to five minutes of missionary before Leno cast the first stone….
The New York Post, you know, does its “OMG, here’s some kinky s**t” thing for those who like it:
A well-respected lawyer in the state Attorney General’s Office spends her days toiling in securities fraud — and her nights moonlighting as a dominatrix, The Post has learned.
Alisha Smith, 36, who dresses demurely as a buttoned-down prosecutor, turns up the heat when she becomes perky persecutor “Alisha Spark,” a nom de dom she uses when she performs at S&M events for pay, according to a fetish source.
“They pay her to go to the events. She dominates people, restrains them and whips them,” the fetish source said.
Dear New York Post: By day she gets paid to dominate people, restrain them, and whip them. By night, she gets to enjoy it.
You know, the only “bad” person in this story is New York Attorney General Eric “Can I Be the Next Governor” Schneiderman. Yes, I imagine that the NY AG is a little bit worried about sex scandals in the office formerly headed by Eliot Spitzer. But punishing this woman for the crime of — well, these guys can’t even articulate why they are turning it around on this woman:
Yesterday, she was removed from her duties — for which she earns $78,825 annually — after The Post inquired about her saucy S&M lifestyle.
“The employee has been suspended without pay, effective immediately, pending an internal investigation,” said a spokesman for state Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.
The spokesman would not elaborate on why Smith was being professionally spanked.
I call sexist hypocrisy here. Because who knows how many men working for the AG’s office are her clients. Who knows how many of these guys spend their days getting bitched around by Biglaw partners making 10 times the money and politicians with 10 times the power, and then want nothing more than to be tied up while Alisha Sparks conducts an internal investigation on them.
But those fellas aren’t going to be paraded through the New York Post just because they can only be silenced with a ball gag. Instead, they’re going after this woman, because:
Sources cited a standing executive order in the Attorney General’s Office that requires employees to “obtain prior approval from the [Employment Conduct Committee] before engaging in any outside pursuit … from which more than $1,000 will be received or is anticipated to be received.”
Right, I’m sure that’s a rule that always enforced.
Obviously, the solution for female lawyers who are into this sort of stuff is to conduct it during normal business hours. Write a brief, negotiate a settlement, whip a senior case manager for being a naughty boy, file for a continuance, put clothespins on opposing counsel’s nipples — again, there’s a lot of overlap between being a lawyer and being a dominatrix, anyway.