Holidays and Seasons

For Students at Top Chicago Area Law Schools, It’s All About the Pie

It’s almost Thanksgiving, an entire American holiday centered around gluttony and based upon the kindness of people we later tried to exterminate.

And football.

And pie. Lots of pie.

Now, normally pie is an unqualified good (unless you are on a diet, which I never am). It’s hard to see how this all-American treat could be overcomplicated. But leave it to a group of law students to ruin pie….

At the University of Chicago Law School, the Dean of Students needed to send out an entire email to assuage UofC students’ concerns over pie offerings during a holiday event:

We’ve been getting a lot of questions about Monday’s Ex Ante Thanksgiving Celebration. Here are the most frequently asked questions and answers for those of you who want to ponder your pie options over the weekend…

Q: What are the pie choices?
A: Apple, pumpkin, sweet potato, and chocolate/French Silk.

Q: Will there be whipped cream?
A: Yes.

Q: Will there be ice cream?
A: Unfortunately, no.

Q: Can I go to a student organization lunch and still get pie?
A: Come and get pie first and then go to the lunch – surely people won’t mind starting a few minutes late when there is pie at stake.

Q: When can I get pie?
A: Beginning at 12:05.

Q: If my class gets out at 12:05, will I still get pie?
A: Yes – we won’t go through 600 slices of pie in 5 minutes, or even 10. You’ll be fine.

At least UofC Law students just want to know their pie options at a technical level. At Northwestern Law, a judicial reversal resulted in a disputed champion in a pie eating contest.

Let that sink in for a second: law school, pie eating contest, champion, judicial, disputed.

A Northwestern Law student group sponsored a pie eating contest. We’ve got the emails. Our key players will be called: Pie King, Deep Dish, and Facey Pie.

As you read, consider that Facey Pie is a girl. From the SBA:

I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate Pie King on a well-earned victory and being a good sport about the whole pie thing.

To clear up any confusion, Pie King was clearly in the lead (the only contestant who had consumed everything but the crust which he was working on) before having a substantial amount of pie thrown into his pie shell by one Deep Dish. This presented an unforeseen quandary, to which the judge then freaked and disqualified Pie King for being the victim of a classic all-American pie dumping.

The judges reversed and allowed a run-off between Facey Pie (first place after Pie King was DQ’d) and Pie King — each were to eat one slice of pie. Then Facey Pie hit Pie King in the face with the pie instead of putting it in her mouth and eating it (lol why did you do that? I don’t understand, that didn’t make any sense, Pie King a really nice guy). And that’s how Pie King won.

Sorry that everyone threw pie at you and hit you in the face with pie Pie King, but congratulations on the victory!

A few notes, in no particular order:

  • If you have to explain who won your contest, it was a crappy contest.
  • The judge “freaked out” when something unexpected happened and just randomly started disqualifying people? There’s a person who is ready to contribute to a law practice right after graduation.
  • Disqualifying the girl for not putting it in her mouth and swallowing a little extra is so male normative.

How did the young lady feel about being disqualified from a pie eating contest she thought she’d already won?

Epilogue: Pie King was upset afterwards, so I handed him the trophy. I don’t need a piece of plastic to let me know how I’m doing — I ate a crapload of pie in under 5 minutes.

You guys decide who won; I have to digest.

Click on the links to see her full response, as well as a final word from Pie King’s friend. Then take our reader poll and tell us who you think should have taken home the trophy….

UPDATE: Actually, we have final word from the Pie King himself.

(hidden for your protection)

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