Still reeling from the producers’ decision to include one Latino contestant four seasons ago, The Bachelor franchise is back in Narnia this season with another all-white cast vying for the heart of Ben Flajnik, Sonoma’s most eligible winemaker and Geico Caveman lookalike. During the opening montage on the first episode, we see Ben drive a tractor, examine dirt, and wear a dusty leather vest — all key indicators that Ben is serious about his business.
Will such a serious career man be able to find love among this season’s pack of Dental Consultants, Trading Clerks, VIP Cocktail Waitresses, and other C-level executives? Luckily, he doesn’t have to. Also available for fake engagement this season is a sexy, seasoned Biglaw attorney.
Just kidding! Erika Uhlig, 23, is a completely average-looking 2L at the University of Illinois College of Law. Before that, she was a poli sci major at the University of Pittsburgh, and before that, she was Miss Chesterfield, Virginia 2006. Here she is singing the national anthem off-pitch in a dress from Dynasty.
To precisely no one’s shock, one of Erika’s law school classmates contacted ATL and opined that “she’s a b**ch”….
What is shocking is that her pageant career is still going strong. Erika is the reigning Miss Chicago, which either means it was too windy for the judges to see her face clearly, or they count the talent portion for a lot these days. Actually, the swimsuit only counts for 15%, so there you have it. It’s unclear what drove her to law school since, according to her bio, her true passions are “art, magic, and memory,” but I guess work is scarce now that they’ve canceled Cats on Broadway.
Sadly, Erika’s time on the Bachelor came to a close this past Monday. But before she got the boot, she got a chance to bring the art, magic, and memory to Bachelor viewers with a series of transparent, last-ditch efforts to remain on the show. Up until this episode, merkin-headed Ben had been systematically eliminating all of the ugly women in each of the prior rose ceremonies.
Sensing that she was the next ugliest to go, Erika remarked to the cameras that at least a fellow contestant had “thicker thighs than I do, which always makes me feel better,” and then failed to impress Josh Groban Ben with her repulsive lip tattoo (which says “Amore”). She then “fainted” in the middle of the rose ceremony, in an obvious ploy to garner sympathy and stall for time. After being officially eliminated, she asked Ben if she could sit down on a couch for a bit until she was feeling well enough to leave. It was essentially the equivalent of having a one night stand, doing a leave-behind, and then trying to extend things by suggesting breakfast, and frankly, it made Chicago look bad.
Erika may not have gotten a rose from Rafael Nadal Ben, but our Illinois Law tipster reports that she did receive flowers for her performance:
Yes, she’s the type of personality that made her fellow 2L cheer when she was booted off. She got a rose in her mailbox saying better luck next time.
Whoever pulled that mean-spirited, vicious prank, Facebook me. I’d like to be friends.