But today we’ve got an amazing departure memo, currently making the rounds by email in certain legal circles. This farewell message was reportedly written by the (former) marketing director for the Law Offices of Michael A. DeMayo LLP, located in Charlotte, North Carolina.
It’s great. The former marketer knows where all the bodies are buried (bodies = hilarious email threads). And she’s in marketing, so she’s good with words.
Really, anytime you can make your boss look like the Material Lawyer when he’s trying to get tickets to a Madonna concert, you’ve found a way to express yourself on your way out the door…
If you’ve ever had a job that was great except for one guy, you’ll feel for this marketer. One of the hazards of working in a small law firm is that one person can ruin your otherwise great job just by sheer force of will. In a Biglaw firm, you can always get on another case or maybe even move to another floor or another department. In a small office, there is no escape — especially if the person you are trying to get away from is the person whose name is on the door.
Of course, another problem with working in a small office is that if you have an employee who hates you, she can really make you look bad all around the community.
Check out the departure memo from the marketer, whom I’m calling “Peggy Olson,” to her boss, attorney Michael A. DeMayo:
I have been working professionally for more than 15 years and have never before quit a job without giving at least two weeks’ notice. Actually, I have never even considered doing it before, but you need to know why I’m doing it today.
I have worked side-by-side with you for the past 5 1/2 years and have seen dozens of employees come and go. I have personally witnessed your knee-jerk temper and have seen how you take someone’s resignation as a personal insult. You truly believe that every person who works at LOMAD is lucky to be here and should bow down to you every day and thank you for employing them. My concern was that you would ask me to leave immediately (because that’s what you do when you’re mad – you act impulsively and angrily). It’s not that I think you would be upset that you were losing a valued and long-time employee; it’s because you would think “How DARE she??!!” I couldn’t risk my insurance ending without being able to attend already scheduled doctor appointments.
I am well aware that you will immediately start trash talking me and telling anyone who will listen to you that “it’s fine” I left because I sucked at my job anyway or I had a “bad attitude.” The reason I know you will do this is because you have done this to EVERY single person who has left the firm since I have been there, including your so-called friends ([Redacted]). You don’t value or appreciate ANYONE who works there, with the exception of [Redacted]. Any of your employees could walk out today and your response would be “F*ck ’em!”
I want you to know the SOLE reason I am leaving LOMAD is because of you. I loved my job and was really good at it, although I’m sure now that I’ve left under these circumstances you would disagree. Since I started here, I completely overhauled and vastly improved all of our marketing/promotional/community service materials, programs and projects, including direct mail, scholarships, Arrive Alive, client sign-up folders, website, etc. I also worked on three successful client testimonial campaigns and photo shoots of our new building and staff, as well as a million other things you never had to worry about because I just took care of them. I loved the work, loved the people I worked with and the vendors, I had a great budget to work with, I got to go on cool trips, I was always learning and trying new things, I had a nice office and I had good pay and benefits. But, I also had to deal with you and your passive-aggressive, juvenile, unprofessional, know-it-all, inappropriate and egocentric behavior. So, I have decided that even though there were many, many wonderful things about my job, they weren’t worth it if it meant I had to spend another minute working for you.
For the past 5 1/2 years, I have listened to you brag/drone/ramble endlessly about how wonderful, funny and generous you are and what a great public speaker and lawyer you are. I have never met anyone who is in love with the sound of their own voice as much as you are. I mean, is it really necessary for you to read the client satisfaction surveys in English AND Spanish? We get it. You’re bilingual.
I have also watched you use your wealth and ill-perceived “power” to bully, threaten and buy people. It’s been both exhausting and nauseating pretending to support you and your despicable behavior for fear of losing my job. Of all the THOUSANDS of people I have met over the past 38 years, you are by far the most egotistical, self-absorbed, delusional, disrespectful and narcissistic person I have ever met. And if you think I’m exaggerating, just re-read the chain of Madonna ticket emails below as a perfect and cringe-inducing example.
I look forward to MAD-free days ahead and can only hope that I live the rest of my life without ever seeing you again.
Well then. You can tell that this was intended for public consumption because of the part where she recites her own accomplishments. But bosses everywhere should remember that this can happen whenever your employees aren’t happy.
We reached out to Michael DeMayo to give him a chance to respond to this departure memo from his former employee. He did not respond to our request for comment.
So I guess that all that’s left is to share the email chain over Madonna tickets…