Bar Exams, Ohio State - Moritz College of Law

Bar Review Diaries: Advice from Strangers, Imaginationland, and Trying to Stay Focused

Our Bar Review Diarists are are getting advice from strangers, navigating a never-ending parade of graduation parties, and starting to see hallucinations of bar exam questions in real life situations…

By  
on

Give us the scoop, Andrew:

Dear Diary,

I have a new favorite game to help me prepare for the Bar Exam. I call it the “Neighborhood of Make-Believe.” No? Already taken? Okay, how about “More reasons the bar exam is a joke.”

Here’s the deal. Every time I do some real world task, I imagine what said task would be like if it were a scenario on the bar exam. For example, I bought a bike off Craigslist recently. The Bar Exam scenario would be as follows:

First, notably, the internet does not exist on the Bar Exam. The next most likely scenario, newspaper classifieds, are also out because as far as I can tell, the only scenarios that involve newspaper ads also involve rewards for the return of lost iguanas. As a result, we’re left with a garage sale.

Second, the Bar Exam doesn’t believe in names. Thus, the seller of the bike is quite obviously.. Biker. (Wait, you thought they would use seller? So did I.) I, the buyer, am, again quite obviously… Haggler. (Lol. Those tricky bar examiners.)

In the real world, the seller noted his initial price offer in the Craigslist ad. I met him, looked over the bike, and counteroffered. He thought about it for a second or two, asked to split the difference, and we had a deal.

Over in Bar Exam land, however, this is what would have happened…

Buckle your seatbelts kids, it’s time to drive off the cliff of absurdity some super serious studying:

Haggler is walking his iguana around the block of his neighborhood. Passing by Biker’s garage sale, he sees a bike for sale. Excited at the chance to ride such a specimen, Haggler goes home and furiously drafts an offer for the bike on his typewriter. Upon finishing, he cleans up and then sends the letter in the mail to Biker. The next day, Biker receives the letter.

He thinks Haggler’s price is too low, so he replies, this time by singing telegram, sung by Telegrammer, saying that Haggler can have the bike for a higher price. To encourage Haggler to take the deal, Biker adds that he’ll throw in free repair services.

Unfortunately, Telegrammer gets Haggler’s address wrong and stops at Haggler’s neighbor, Nextdoorer. Luckily, however, Haggler is again out walking his iguana and hears Telegrammer’s singing telegram. “I accept!” he shouts. At that very moment, Biker is riding the bike just a block away and, due to the atmospheric conditions, is able, ever so faintly, to hear Haggler’s shouts of joy. Overjoyed over Haggler’s acceptance, Biker takes his eyes off the road and doesn’t see the car, driven by Shifty-Eyes Shifter, who happened to take his eyes off the road because of Mom-Jogger jogging on the sidewalk, run the stop sign.

Shifty-Eyes runs into Biker. The bike is totaled. Biker is dead. Mom-Jogger faints at the sight of the whole thing. And Shifty-Eyes, crawling from the wreckage, takes the opportunity to “resuscitate” Mom-Jogger.

And after all that, what’s the question? Quite obvious, isn’t it?

If Haggler’s iguana escapes from Haggler and bites Mom-Jogger’s child, Bastard, is Haggler liable for his injuries?

My head just exploded. Now I have to put it back together, hopefully in time for next week’s installment of the Bar Review Diaries. If you need me, I’ll be curled up in the fetal position, in a dark corner somewhere.

Disclosure: This series is sponsored by Themis Bar Review, which is an ATL advertiser.

Sponsored

« Previous 1 2

Topics

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,