Biglaw, Breasts, Fashion, Fashion Is Fun, Parties, Women's Issues

Should You Wear a Bikini to the Firm Pool Party?

It’s that time again: it’s getting hot in herre [sic], and people at your firm have decided to take Nelly’s advice. While everyone’s gearing up for the big summer bash, you’ve got to deal with your next fashion headache. You’ve already been told that you should be wearing skirt suits and showing some leg on a day-to-day basis. And now that the weather is nice, lawyerly ladies want to know: can you, or rather, should you wear a bikini to your firm’s pool party?

We covered this issue last summer, where the be-all and end-all question was to boob or not to boob. At that point in time, I adopted an “if you’ve got it, why not flaunt it” stance. But now that I’m a year older, and (arguably) a year wiser, I’m here to offer our female readers some more mature advice to be used in this “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation with assistance from Kat Griffin of Corporette.

Keep reading for some Biglaw bathing suit etiquette that you shouldn’t have too much trouble following….

But before we get to our helpful hints on ladies’ pool party couture, Kat and I would like to make a humble plea to the HR departments at Biglaw firms nationwide: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SCHEDULING THESE THINGS!!! Do you honestly think that anyone wants to be caught dead half-naked in front of their coworkers?

That said, when you’ve been propelled into a situation where you’re forced to bare it all in front of your colleagues, should you wear a bikini? Sorry to be doling out yet another round of seemingly antiquated advice, but we’d advise you against doing so. You really need to keep those breasts firm… appropriate.

At Corporette, Kat has the following words of wisdom for all of you would-be bikini wearers:

– Focus on wearing an outfit appropriate for other activities.

– Think “sporty,” not pin-up, push-up, or sexy.

– Do your best to avoid the chance of any “wardrobe malfunctions.”

– Whatever you wear, only wear your swimsuit in the pool itself.

For our purposes, perhaps the most important advice here is to avoid wardrobe malfunctions and looking like the office sexpot. You don’t want to be remembered during your performance reviews as “the girl who had the nip-slip,” nor do you want the world to know that you’ve been getting vajazzled since before it was the thing to do. Think about it this way: you don’t want me to be writing about you here on these pages, do you?

But if for some reason you’re still set on pulling an Aquagirl and showing off your bangin’ beach bod, do yourself a favor and pack a conservative one-piece. After all, no matter what your friends tell you, you’re not going to know what everyone else will be wearing until you get to the party. We’re just fickle creatures like that.

Readers, do you agree with this advice? Please send us an email, or let us know in the comments.

Earlier: Grin and Bare It: Stripping Out of Your Suit at Firm Events
Prior ATL coverage of Aquagirl

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