Animal Law, UVA Law

UVA Law Tries To Attract More Law Students With Honey Than With Collars

Bees: nature's most lovable insect.

Here’s a fun way to deal with declining law school applications across the country. UVA Law is literally sweetening the deal for their students. The school is now providing free honey in Slaughter Hall. That’s where UVA houses its student organizations, in addition to some administrative offices.

I think it’s a great idea. Honey is a tasty treat that… wait, hold on, I’m getting some new information. Sorry, sources are now reporting that the the free honey is due to an… am I hearing this right… an infestation of bees at the law school.

Can you pop a collar on a beekeeper suit?

A tipster reported on what must be considered a terrifying email from UVA Building Services:

We are dealing with a honey bee problem in the northeast section of Slaughter Hall, second floor. Our pest management contractor has informed us that the bees cannot be exterminated, rather they need to be extracted by a beekeeper. We are in the process of coordinating the extraction effort. In the meantime, please give the bees plenty of room. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Haha, law students are worried about Bees instead of As.

Seriously though, it’s a geographic thing. In New York, people are beset by roaches and bedbugs. At UVA, there are bees. I imagine a similar email from the University of Florida would read: “The snakes in the student center cannot be extracted, they need to be exterminated, by releasing the alligators. Apex predators will be roaming the halls and especially bathrooms over the next few days. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

It’s a good thing this isn’t happening at Berkeley Law. There would already be students trying to get a TRO to stop the bees from being “extracted” until an environmental impact study can be done, which would assess the effect the removal would have on the hive’s well being, balanced against the school’s bona fide interest in having students stung in the ass every time they were in the student center instead of the library.

In any event, a UVA Law spokesperson issued us a statement about this clash of nature and civilization:

We remodeled a significant portion of the law school to improve the experience for students visiting our Career Services and Financial Aid offices. We also wanted to improve the experience for visitors by moving the Admissions office to the first floor and improving access to needed services. We didn’t know the bees would take to the new space as well! In all seriousness, the renovations have been a dramatic improvement for the Law School, and the bees are being extracted humanely. They will be safe and sound in a new home by the end of the day, and there are plans afoot to sell their honey at our annual auction to benefit public service fellowships.

Does this remind anyone of the Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns’s new stadium is beset by bees? “Fun? Is that how it’s pronounced? I’ve only seen it written.”

UVA was also kind enough to send us pictures of the bee removal. Click through to check them out.

And now I must prepare for my assault on the honey auction, as thousands of UVA Law students give their lives to try to stop me….

(hidden for your protection)

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