Law Schools

Man, Do We Have A Law School Secret Society For You

It's always great when a law student tries to start a secret society...

By  
on

UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN LAW SCHOOL — ORDER OF THE CLOTH

Dear fellow law students,

Listen up, because this is certainly the most important email you will read within the next 20 minutes.

CONGRATULATIONS! You have been weighed. You have been measured. And like everyone with whom we do not currently hang out with, you have been found wanting. Nevertheless, you are among the chosen few selected for “potential” admission into UW law school’s ultra elite, super cool, impressively narcissistic secret society:

The Order of the CLOTH

Allow me a few moments to explain. Some time ago, in the world of mildly insecure, self-absorbed law students there was an idea: an idea of superior pedigrees, unapologetic showmanship, and struttin what yo mamma gave you. It was an idea much like that of a 6th grade school girl clique. Or the PurinaONE® National Dog Show. The Founders sought to establish a guild of likeminded, top-shelf individuals with whom they could associate without subjecting themselves to the constant need to stifle their vomit. Frequent exposure to the low-class, 99 percenter, commoners of the law school world can be very demeaning, you see.

And so it was born: The Order of the CLOTH. Affectionately referred to by members as “The Cloth” or “The Order,” because saying the full name is much too pedestrian. We hold secret parties together, sometimes hidden in plain sight among unsuspecting, ignorant peons who know nothing of our existence. You are now in the “know.” And with great knowledge … comes a great sense of superiority … and self gratification.

Sponsored

By virtue of your receipt of this message, we in The Order have deemed it acceptable to acknowledge your existence. You are welcome. Make no mistake though. You are still below us. You need not formally accept our offer of consideration because we already know you are interested. Who wouldn’t be? We are cool. And one day you could potentially be mildly cooler by being in the same room with us on a semi-regular basis. Over the next few weeks we will be considering each of your candidacies – secretly judging each of you behind your backs and determining your worth. There is little you can do to increase your odds, but feel free to double the normal amount of hair gel you use, and triple your mascara usage. We love that crap.

To prove your allegiance to our glorious cause, we require that you reply with answers to the following: (1) if you were a textile, what kind would you be, (2) one really good reason why we shouldn’t continue to ignore your existence, and (3) a pet name that we should call you when we wish to summon you to our presence. Following your submission, you will soon be contacted at OUR convenience if we find you suitable for our social drinking companionship needs. If you are deemed unworthy, you will never hear from us again. And we strongly advise that you speak of this to no one. It’s a secret society. And secret societies just aren’t the same when everyone knows about them.

Additionally, feel free to reply with any questions, comments, or concerns. You may or may not receive a response. But you can try.

Later.

-The Cloth

Sponsored

Earlier: Michigan Law Secret Society Openly Mocked

« Previous 1 2

Topics

, , , , ,