So it’s December 21, 2012, otherwise know as the day that the world is supposed to end, at least according to the Mayan calendar. Bars were playing that R.E.M. song on repeat last night, and people (myself included, since it’s my birthday, bitches!) were drinking like there was going to be no tomorrow. But, as it turns out, it’s today, so we all got that “end of the world” hangover for nothing. It sure was fun, though, so it was definitely worth it.

Anyway, I’m more than willing to bet that all of those doomsday preppers are pretty pissed off right about now. But in reality, they probably don’t even know that everything’s still the same because they’re down in their underground bunkers snacking on Spam and sardines, drinking powdered milk, and gently stroking their precious AK-47s while murmuring Bible passages to themselves like crazy people.

And as luck would have it, one of those end of days loons might be a lawyer….

We received a rather entertaining court document — a “Notice of Non-Availability” — from a tipster, and apparently it’s been circulating around the legal community in America’s Heartland for about a week. Our tipster says he “got a pretty good laugh out of it,” and we think that you will, too, since it’s coming from a seasoned lawyer who should probably know better. And without further ado, here it is:

This, from a guy who’s been in practice for 30 years. We’ve reached out to Duncan Scott to find out if this document was filed in jest, but we haven’t heard back from him yet. Oh my God, what if he was right?! The end must be nigh, people, so drink up! Actually, we’re just kidding (except for the drinking part), so go out tonight and celebrate the fact that we’re all still here. The joke’s on you if you actually buy into this doomsday crap.

UPDATE (1:10 PM): Mr. Scott responded to our email, so it looks like doomsday has yet to arrive in Montana. Here’s what he had to say about his Notice of Non-Availability:

My son and I have football tickets to witness our alma mater Stanford whip Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. The game is ten days after The End. Our tickets are non-refundable and we expect to attend.

This week I also spent a full day in continuing legal education classes. I endured this torture in order to keep my law licenses valid in 2013. Alas, the world may end, but my litigation cases will not.

Best Wishes for a Prosperous and Litigious New Year.

A “prosperous and litigious new year” to you, too! Hopefully we’ll all be here after The End to celebrate.

If you’re interested, you can see Exhibit “A,” as well as the full Notice, on the next page….


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