Everybody gets laid on Valentine’s Day. Or they get into a fight and have make-up sex over the weekend. Either way, it’s a time when even the humblest among us gets screwed, whether by our lovers, the diamond industry, or from whatever pathetic singles activity you did last night.

Of course, getting to yes is only the start of sexual negotiations. Once you get busy, you need to get to work.

But Vivia Chen, on her blog The Careerist, dug up a “sex therapist” who says that lawyers, male and female, are prone to all sorts of sexual problems and disappointments.

I don’t know, seems to me that those are the kind of problems that convertibles are supposed to cure….

Chen noticed sex therapist Mike Lousada (who is apparently “famous” as sex therapists go) when he was interviewed for an article detailing the sexual frustrations of bankers on eFinancialCareers. From the piece:

Lousada said male bankers are prone to ED because they suffer from performance anxiety. “Banking is a performance-related, competitive culture. If you work in an environment which emphasizes performance so heavily, it creates a mindset that spills out into other areas of your life.”

For female bankers, Lousada said the biggest sexual problem is a loss of femininity. “A lot of women in the City are very identified with the masculine side of themselves. The problem is that opposites attract, and so they will probably attract a feminized man and then be dissatisfied.

Chen asked him if lawyers suffered these same problems, and he said that they do:

“Professions like banking, law, accountancy are very mind-oriented,” explained Lousada. “Sitting in front of a computer screen is not what their bodies are supposed to do.”

I mean, I get that this is a dude and he has to make a living somehow and he’s decided to do it in this way. Sex therapists gotta eat too. But I’m not inclined to sit here and drink Lousada’s expert ejaculate. I find it really hard to believe that banking, law, and accountancy are special “mind-oriented,” pressurized computer jobs that magically make your penis soft. Lots of people work hard in front of a computer. If anything, I just think that bankers, lawyers, and accountants are more likely to go pay somebody to listen to their stories of genital malpractice instead of just popping a Viagra and moving on with their lives.

And don’t even get me started on this “loss of femininity” load of unmitigated crap:

“I’m not saying throw out the career. I support integrating both parts of you,” meaning both the professional and the personal sides, the masculine and the feminine. The problem erupts, he explained, when women can’t drop their masculine side at the door at the end of the day. “The essence of the feminine is to be in the moment, and to fully experience the state of being,” he said, “while the masculine is more goal-oriented.”

Honestly dude, go f*** yourself with that noise. “The essence of the feminine is to be in the moment.” “The masculine is more goal-oriented.” Does he get away with saying this crap because he’s a “sex therapist”? Can you imagine if an employer said, “You are very good at experiencing your state of being, but I’m going to promote the more masculine and goal-oriented one, Jim. If it makes you feel better, and we all know how you girls are obsessed with feelings, I also passed over Billy, who was too much of a feminized man for the job.” If Lousada actually had any power over anybody, we’d be writing about him in a “Lawsuit of the Day.”

I have a prescription for Lousada: bang two chicks who think it’s very feminine to fully experience the state of being goal-oriented, and call me in the morning.

For everybody else, if you had bad sex last night, I suggest you get back up on the horse (or Sybian, as it were) and try again today. I’m no expert, but I think practicing sex is a lot more fun than sitting around and whining about it.

Are Lawyers Prone to Have Bad Sex Lives? [The Careerist]


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