Five Stories That Made This an Exhausting Week of Legal News

My this was a busy week. Here's a list of the big-ticket stories that struck my fancy this week.

4. If you’re in a keeper league, you should go ahead and release Aaron Hernandez.

I mean, the Patriots did and they play in the ultimate keeper league. Aaron Hernandez is now officially charged with murder, as well as an assortment of gun charges. And now the Boston police are looking into the Tight End’s possible role in a double murder last year. The writers of The League are very excited.

More importantly, Hernandez has finally caught up with his Florida and New England teammate Tim Tebow (and his old QB Tom Brady) in inspiring a meme. We already got Elie into the Hernandezing act.

For a brief interlude, let me share a joke I heard last night.

Why did Aaron Hernandez call Wes Welker?

He needed help from a white Bronco.

Boom. *Mic drop*

What went wrong for Aaron Hernandez? It’s sitting on the tip of your tongue, just go ahead and say it. Florida. Florida will warp any mind if exposed to the air of “America’s Wang” for too long. Scarface is not a movie, it’s a Florida Tourism Bureau Welcome Video, and the sooner you understand that, the better off you’ll be.

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The best Tweet on this subject came from Ben Volin, who used to cover the Gators while Hernandez played there.

Well…. yes RT @theshiznik When u were covering Gators did you ever think you’d be writing about 1 of them as murder suspect years later?

5. While you were watching SCOTUSBlog, we cleared out your office.

It turns out scheduling massive layoffs in the middle of the SCOTUS whirlwind is a pretty slick idea. Weil Gotshal seemed to think so, handing out walking papers while everyone was still trying to figure out what the Court did with affirmative action. Jones Day as well. Rumor has it one associate learned of the layoffs from the media before being given the bad news personally because Weil clearly leaked the layoff announcement to the New York Times beforehand to guarantee that it came out while Fisher was coming down.

Whether or not layoffs are going to be the new trend (and they are), every firm is now on notice that announcing major layoffs during the last week of a SCOTUS term is a PR dream. Sure the layoffs got coverage, but the whole thing was old news once black people couldn’t vote anymore. And imagine if Fisher had gone as badly as most had expected? Firm layoffs would have settled onto the backburner and registered a mere blip in the legal coverage.

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So watch your back the next time you’re following the liveblog on decision day.

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So that’s it.

Oh, and Nelson Mandela didn’t die.

The University of Maryland School of Law accidentally published their obituary for Nelson Mandela prematurely. It’s like they figured the week wasn’t jam-packed enough with legal news. One commenter compared the school’s obituary to one of the all-time great SNL skits:

Shelby County v. Holder [Bloomberg Law]
Supreme Court recognizes Jim Crow’s demise, restores constitutional order [SCOTUSBlog]
Dershowitz: Knock-knock joke told by Zimmerman’s attorney grounds for mistrial [Fox News]
Anonymous asked… [What the Public Defender]
Texas Gov. Rick Perry calls 2nd special session to pass abortion bill [CBS News]
Report: Aaron Hernandez probed for possible role in 2012 double-homicide [Sports Illustrated]

Earlier:
The Supreme Court Holds That It Is Unconstitutional For The Government To Hate Gay People
The Chief Justice Kills Part Of The Voting Rights Act With Kindness (And A Majority Opinion Saying It Is Unconstitutional)
If Unpaid Interns Don’t Like Their Bosses, They’ll Hate Justice Alito
Non-Sequiturs: 06.24.13
How Harvard Law Grad Wendy Davis Stopped Texas, With The Help Of Hundreds of Thousands Of Her Friends
Hernandezing!
Nationwide Layoff Watch: Major Cuts Come To Weil Gotshal
Nationwide Layoff Watch: Careers Kidnapped in Cleveland, Negated in New York
Are The Weil Layoffs The Start Of A Biglaw Trend?
Nelson Mandela Did Not Die — Someone Please Tell This Law School

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