On Wednesday, the Cleveland Browns traded running back Trent Richardson to the Indianapolis Colts for a 2014 first-round pick. This move, which amounts to Cleveland announcing to the world, “we took a two-week stab at 2013 and decided it’s not for us,” has the side effect of relegating Colts running back Ahmad Bradshaw to second-string status.
This is good for the Colts, maybe good for the Browns — assuming they can convert this pick into something worthwhile — and an absolute disaster if Ahmad Bradshaw played any role on your fantasy team. All of a sudden, that reliable second-tier back (though let’s be honest, he was probably never more than a decent Flex #realkeeping) is useless.
Now imagine how much worse it would be if you’d just traded a top 5 QB for a package involving Bradshaw. That’s what happened in one league and the rest of the league vetoed the trade after the real-life Richardson move. But since this league is a law school league, they prepared an appellate brief demanding the trade go through.
It’s a fun read….
The Ole Miss 2L League is now locked in a fantasy legal dispute. Maybe they should lay off the Sundays for a while and concentrate on Dr. Bo Wallace. At issue is the vetoed trade of Ahmad Bradshaw and Rashard Mendenhall for Matt Ryan. Not knowing who this guy’s other QB is, this sounds like it was a curious trade even before Richardson stole Bradshaw’s job. Bradshaw and Mendenhall are middling RBs and Matty Ice is pretty much the best QB going after the top-tier of Rodgers, Brees, Brady (maybe not this year), and Peyton Manning.
In any event, the appeal was filed by the “Roethlisberger Rapists,” who hoped to get Matt Ryan from “Eric’s Amazing Team.” Very clever title there, Eric. Henceforth, this article will just refer to you as Taco.
While we’re at it, let’s judge the rest of the team names in this league.
- 2L and Back: I’m glad you survived the summer. I’m looking forward to next year’s team, “3L: Bigger and Backerer.”
- Assault and Bulldog: Is this a UGA fan at Ole Miss?
- Bradley’s Team: Never mind, Eric. Bradley is the new Taco.
- Joseph’s Super Team: Jesus, people.
- Crucial Taunt: I like it. Though at this point I’m liking anyone with some creativity.
- Lucky Socks: These socks are a disaster by the end of exams.
- Miles’s Team: COME ON!
- Shivakamini Somakand: Let’s use the “plus one, minus one” method. A reference to The League. Plus one. Except her name is Shivakamini Somakandarkram. Minus two.
- The Jokers: Some people call him Maurice because he speaks of the pompatus of love.
- Weeden Wayne Bowe: Yay! You know the names of a smattering of NFL players! You’ve got this league on lockdown, my friend.
According to the brief, Roethlisberger Rapists and this Eric fellow agreed in principle to the trade four hours before the Browns traded Richardson. Per the brief:
At 5pm, 9/18/13, the Cleveland browns traded Trent Richardson to Indianapolis Colts for a first round draft pick. While giving the Browns more draft picks is like giving a raging alcoholic more booze, the trade effectively makes Bradshaw worthless.
With all due respect, this is a completely incorrect assessment. An alcoholic knows what to do with booze. Giving the Browns draft picks is like giving a toddler an AR-15.
Roethlisberger Rapists argue that specific performance is required. Analogizing the proposed trade to the case of a post-agreement injury, he cites the lofty authority of ESPN, noting that if an injury occurs after the trade is agreed upon, it’s buyer beware. The appellant also cites the UCC for the proposition that Matty Ice is unique, requiring specific performance.
I’m not sitting on this appellate panel (which in this case is the Commissioner acting alone), but my judgment would demand Eric’s Amazing Team deliver Matt Ryan to Roethlisberger Rapists in exchange for Bradshaw and Mendenhall forthwith. Assuming the Commish does not come to that conclusion, my understanding is that ATL is the court of last result for all law school fantasy football leagues, so we expect to get a cert petition.
For the full brief, check out the next page….
 Commenters have noted that the joke is a reference to the 80s program “Reading Rainbow.” Indeed. I have now decided that I’m going to be rooting for this team.