Boutique Law Firms, Guns / Firearms, Politics, Small Law Firms

Ken Cuccinelli Selling ‘Trigger-Happy Insurance’ For The Next George Zimmerman

Were you concerned that Virginia’s former crusader Attorney General would have nothing to do in his forced retirement from public life? Well, Ken Cuccinelli may no longer have the power to waste taxpayer dollars to intimidate scientists researching global warming or crack down on oral sex, but he’s found a way to stay in our hearts by announcing a new publicity stunt serious law practice in Virginia.

He’s ready to collect your hard-earned dollars in return for providing you peace of mind in case you were scared that someday you’d haul off and assassinate a kid walking home through the “wrong” neighborhood and need to spend a small fortune on attorneys….

We at Virginia Self Defense Law know that Guns save lives. Well, we don’t save lives, we save lifesavings! Our retainer Agreement could save you and your family from going bankrupt for merely defending yourself.

Yeah, you don’t want to end up relying on DMX to pound you senseless just to make ends meet.

Cuccinelli has announced Virginia Self Defense Law, a small-firm practice that is totally not in any way an insurance scheme based around collecting a monthly fee from gun owners as a retainer for the firm’s services just in case the citizen finds himself as Virginia’s answer to George Zimmerman.

Cuccinelli and his partners — who include a sitting state senator, a personal injury attorney, and a bowtied whippersnapper from lovely Bumpass, Virginia — are offering a service that effectively works like shooting-people insurance. (“NOT insurance,” the VSDL website reads.) For a low monthly fee starting at $8.33, you can keep the firm on retainer to defend you if jackbooted thugs try to trample on your Second Amendment freedoms by holding you accountable for alleged armed criminal or civil misbehavior.

The $8.33 figure only applies if the gun owner doesn’t have a concealed-carry permit, in which case the price jumps all the way to $12.33 per month because Cuccinelli reasons, probably correctly, that folks with concealed-carry permits are more likely to use their guns. Still, it’s a pretty cheap investment if you’re worried about being prosecuted for using your gun.

From Cuccinelli’s perspective, it’s a can’t-miss proposition: he collects cash for mostly doing nothing and keeps up his bona fides with the wingnut community. On the other hand, creating a moral hazard for the sort of gun owner so convinced that they’re going to pop a cap in someone for playing music too loud is a little distressing for society. While this isn’t as extreme as some of the proposals for gun owner liability insurance, it’s certainly an effort to further erode the potential barriers to shooting first and asking questions later. Or at the very least, to further erode existing disincentives to citizens bringing guns into potentially volatile situations.

But hey, that’s the price of what Dahlia Lithwick and Mark Joseph Stern call FREEDOM™. And if anyone knows freedom, it’s Cuccinelli and his partner, State Senator Thomas Garrett, who was recently hard at work on a bill to recriminalize “anal intercourse, cunnilingus, fellatio, and anilingus” in Virginia.


Virginia Self Defense Law Homepage [Virginia Self Defense Law]
Anti-Gay Nut Ken Cuccinelli Is Starting a Law Firm For Gun Nuts [Gawker]
A Law Firm for Real Americans [Slate]
‘Better call Cooch’: Ex-VA attorney general launches ‘Stand Your Ground’ discount law site [Raw Story]
Gun Insurance Mandate [Josh Blackman’s Blog]

(hidden for your protection)

comments sponsored by

Show all comments