In case you’re not aware, law school costs a lot of money. Just one year of legal education can run the average law student more than $50,000. Many, if not most, law students take out loans to cover the costs of law school, but some are lucky enough to have their educations paid for in full by their parents. The students in the latter group are beholden to their parents and can’t run the risk of making them angry, for fear of getting cut off financially.

Of course, today’s incredible tale deals with a law student in her 20s who pissed her parents off so badly that they refused to continue paying for her prestigious law school tuition. This girl did what any law student with cash flow problems would’ve done: she became a prostitute.

This law student cum lady of the night came across some choice clientele, as one of her top johns, a man in his late 60s, was a lawyer at a prominent firm. You can guess what happened next: the lawyerly lovers created a sex contract, and the relationship quickly soured. As it turns out, notwithstanding Fifty Shades of Grey (affiliate link), sex isn’t quite so sexy when it’s wrapped in a condom of legal terms.

The pair ended up suing each other, and now we’ve got a juicy judgment for you to feast your eyes upon…

Meet “AVB,” the lawyer — or solicitor, since this happened in England — and “TDD,” the sexy law student. We’ve got just their initials, not their law firm or law school, but the legal claims disclosed in the judgment are awesome enough to make up for it. Here’s a snippet from a June 2012 “Behaviour Contract,” drafted by the law student (gavel bang: Alex Aldridge, our former London correspondent, now of Legal Cheek):

“In order to reach mutual agreement upon confidentiality contract Mr … must declare and full fill following”. There follow paragraphs of details of the behaviour she supposedly required of him, including fines for late payment of her fees, and the legal services and help he is to provide to her, and the minimum duration of cuddles.

What kind of a hooker contracts for cuddles? Maybe the kind who thinks it’ll help her get a law job, instead of more handjobs. Per the Daily Mail, TDD’s lawyerly Lothario “paid [her] around £20,000 [$33,556] in cash and gifts” and made as “other promises of assurance, of payment, or of help in her career.”

Per the judgment, in July 2012, AVB sent TDD a text with the following proposed contractual language:

“Contract. 1 one month trial. 2 3k upfront. 3 Sex next Saturday and for one month following and staying over like before. 4. [A particular type of sexual act] included. 5. Faithful… no other partners… neither side allowed to [another kind of sexual act is identified] starting NOW. Agreed? You will need good excuse for [another man] or dump him. You can add terms for me to consider”.

She texted back that she was happy with that adding “But [the sexual act he had named in his clause 4] + exclusivity costs extra 2k + blood test result. Then unlimited sex anytime”.

He sent another email to her at 7:58 pm under the subject line “Compromise”:

“Forget [the sexual act he had named in his clause 4]… keep it for wedding nite…with whoever is luck man! Blood test for what…STD? And u will take pill. Hate condom. And no sex til we start…and both faithful while we see how it works out? Xx”

In evidence AVB said he had never been interested in the kind of sexual act he had named in his clause 4, and only included it in his terms because he did not want less than what TDD was willing to give to another client.

We bet we know which sex act the salacious solicitor wanted to engage in with his law school lover.

The judge in the case didn’t award damages to either party. You can read the full judgment here. A lesson for law students: draft ironclad contracts, or you might get screwed while you’re getting screwed.

Top London solicitor loses damages claim against Chinese prostitute who ‘breached his confidentiality’ by telling his daughter and colleagues about their liaisons [Daily Mail]
Top London solicitor and law student who worked as prostitute sent each other ‘behaviour contracts’ before suing each other — judgment reveals [Legal Cheek]
AVB v. TDD [England and Wales High Court (Queen's Bench Division)]


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