Biglaw, Job Searches, Labor / Employment

What Happened When A Scorpio Responded To The ‘No Scorpios’ Job Listing?

One of the best parts of Above the Law is seeing lawyers use their skills in inspiring ways. Sometimes that involves standing up to racist practices and other times it involves actively trolling the wacky stuff we write about. This is the latter case.

Yesterday, we wrote about a curious job listing that a recruiter posted seeking applicants for an Am Law 100 firm that expressly forbid Scorpios. It was a fun little posting designed to catch the eye of Above the Law applicants and we gave it its due appreciation for creativity.

But one Scorpio reader decided to take it a step further and apply for the job with an equally creative cover letter. And they responded….

We won’t name our reader. Let’s call him “Hank.” Hank took the bait yesterday and sent in his cover letter.

I would like to be considered as a candidate for your job opening which specifically excludes scorpios. I know we would be a good fit because: 1) I would defend anyone’s right to discriminate on the basis of astrological signs; 2) I wish to learn from the best attorneys, who, like artists, have mastered the concepts of rationality and reasonability, but then have thrown those ideas out the window; and 3) I will do anything to work for anyone of the “International AmLaw 100 law firm[s],” even if I do not know which one you are.

A. B. T. Always Be Trolling.

Lest his candidacy be thrown by the wayside simply because of the vagaries of sidereal astrology, he added that he met another critical qualification of the job:

PS, I love long walks on the beach. And I definitely would not pursue a quid pro quo theory against anyone in the office who would invite me to one.

Sadly, Hank has already heard back from the recruiter.

David Barron (the Simmons agent) complimented me on it, but told me to come back in a couple of years once I have the necessary experience (I’ve only been practicing for half a year).

That sounds pretextual to me!

In any event, it was a valiant effort. Any listing that delves into the creative probably wanted to see a creative reply anyway, so Hank had the right idea. Too bad America still hasn’t gotten over its tragic history of bias against Scorpios.

The whole page-long letter is reproduced on the next page….

(hidden for your protection)

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