Biglaw

Am Law 100 Firm Hiring — Scorpios Need Not Apply

A new job listing reveals that one law firm makes its hiring decisions after consulting the stars.

By Joe Patrice on May 19, 2014 2:45 pm

Today’s horoscope for Scorpio reads:

In order to get what you want, you are almost certainly going to have to compromise. That could mean anything, so keep your ears open and your mind flexible. Things make more sense soon.

And apparently, that compromise includes coming to grips with the knowledge that you have no shot at the latest job listing from an AmLaw 100 firm. Because they have a real problem with 1/12th of the population….

There’s a new listing for a Labor and Employment Litigation Associate in Washington:

It’s rare to have a record scratch moment in a job listing, but that hit right around the “long walks on the beach” line. But then the whole thing flew off the rails when they announced that Scorpios need not apply. The firm must be a Sagittarius.

I guess it makes some sense:

Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won’t give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own that way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.

“Fiercely independent” and “being in control” aren’t ideal qualities for a Biglaw associate. Still, how dare they make snap decisions based simply on that? People born between late October and early November are more than just “Scorpios” — they have moon signs and ascendants and planetary conjunctions. Come on, guys! When will America come to its senses and add Scorpios to its roster of protected classes?

Now I’m a skeptic when it comes to this stuff. And I’m not talking about astrology, I’m talking about whether or not this job listing was posted as a deliberate effort to get ATL to give it some extra juice by profiling it.

Well, whatever, we’re easy.

Labor & Employment Litigation associate [Laurence Simons]