Kid Rock

Last September, we told our readers about a sexual harassment lawsuit that was filed by former in-house attorney and publicist Andrea Pellegrini against the Insane Clown Posse and Psychopathic Records, the controversial music group she used to work for and its associated record label. In her complaint, Pellegrini alleged that she was forced to endure “pervasive harassment” during the course of her employment, including, but not limited to, being given a “large dildo” while at work, which she politely refused to accept. Lovely.

This summer, a deposition revealed that after Pellegrini rejected the sex toy, it was allegedly given to Kid Rock by former Psychopathic employee Dan Diamond (d/b/a “Dirty Dan”). Pellegrini’s attorneys then sent a subpoena to the musician, giving him 14 days “to respond and produce the dildo.”

Two weeks have passed, and Kid Rock himself responded to the lawyers’ inquiries, requesting that all parties involved in this ridiculous dildo scavenger hunt find one and shove it up their respective asses…

Kid Rock, being the kind and proper gentleman that he is, decided to post the text of the “actual letters” he sent to the attorneys involved in the Pellegrini dildo case (sorry, but that’s likely what this case is going to be referred to for time ad infinitum) to his personal blog. Let us be the first to tell you that he is not pleased.

Kid Rock first addressed Pellegrini’s lawyers, Jim Rasor and Jon Marko of the Rasor Law Firm. Kid Rock feigns cluelessness as to the location of this mysterious dildo, but he was very willing to share his thoughts with Rasor, Marko, and their “sad ass excuse for a law firm” for daring to besmirch his name:

Let me ask you this. Say in a lawsuit that another crappy firm was handling, your names were brought up for no reason. You wake up one morning, excited for a new day of exploiting the legal system and people dumb enough to look at your website (nice pictures btw, did you study how to look like douchebags in college?), and when you open the newspaper there’s a report from someone you’ve never heard of talking about how Jon Marko and Jim Rasor got caught molesting animals at a petting zoo while high on bath salts. Now imagine you weren’t the scumbags you are…. Say you were people who aren’t a blight on our planet – wouldn’t you be pissed off that your name, for days on end, was being mentioned in the press when EVERYONE involved knew you weren’t involved in any way?

His name is Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid, Kid Rock! Bawitdaba, bitches. Rasor and Marko don’t look like they took Douchebaggery 101 in college, but perhaps they took Douchebags and the Law during their 3L years.

Jim Rasor (left) and Jon Marko (right)

Next up, we’ve got Kid Rock’s letter to Brian E. Koncius of Bogas Koncius & Croson, the attorney representing Dirty Dan. Kid Rock is quick to take down Koncius’s client, noting that Dirty Dan is either an “absolute pathological liar” or “an asshole who isn’t funny.” Here’s more from his message to Koncius:

How would you feel if one day your name appeared across the internet connected to a story you knew absolutely nothing about. One day you come downstairs to the angry glare of your wife who asks if you really were arrested over the weekend for driving high on crystal meth with a bound and gagged hooker in your trunk. Did you? Because it’s all over the internet, some lawyer you’ve never met put it out in a press release! Must be true right? I’m guessing you probably wouldn’t like that, and would at least appreciate it if the guy who made it up admitted that you never did those things.

Your website says you represent people who are “interested in doing the right thing.” I don’t believe that, but prove me wrong.

Kid Rock closes with one final salvo for the people he thinks represent “the worst kind of scum”:

You’re the types of lawyers that make America a worse place for everyone.

There is but one lesson to be learned here, lawyers, and we would suggest that you should keep it in mind the next time you subpoena him over an allegedly missing sex toy: it’s fairly obvious that Kid Rock is still an American bad ass — you can either roll with rock, or you can suck his dick. The choice is up to you.

(Flip to the next page to see Kid Rock’s letters to all of the attorneys involved in this case.)


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