The View From Up North: Funny Judge

If you’re going to read only one case this year, give this one a try -- it's full of amazing benchslaps.

Many judges suffer from a grave condition called T.S.S. (Tightened Sphincter Syndrome). You don’t have to conduct an intimate examination of a judge’s nether regions to determine if he/she has T.S.S. You can pretty much guess from the symptoms: constant grumpiness, a dour expression, words chosen to make onlookers feel the immense gravity of court proceedings, decisions pronounced as if only a fool would dare appeal them, etc., etc.

Sadly, T.S.S. is not fatal, but it does make everyone who comes into contact with an infected judge feel flu-like symptoms.

Justice Joseph Quinn of the Ontario Superior Court of Justice does not suffer from T.S.S. Whatever the opposite of T.S.S. is, this dude (and I say “dude” with the highest respect) has it. Take this sentence from his epic ruling in The Hearing Clinic (Niagara Falls) Inc. v. 866073 Ontario Limited: “Fridriksson has taken everyone on a hideously time-consuming and obscenely expensive journey down his private yellow brick road to the outskirts of the Emerald City where, it appears, he has a residence. It was not a worthwhile adventure.”

Find me another judge who invokes The Wizard of Oz to stick a broomstick up a deserving plaintiff’s butt. This case is delicious for so many reasons….

First off, it was set down for three weeks in the summer of 2011. Our judicial narrator noted that the first day of trial commenced on a sunny July day. Storm clouds arrived not long after, “and we never saw the sun again.” The trial ultimately took seventy-two days over a period of three years. In a terrific footnote, His Honour relates that he offered after day one to wager the proceedings would take longer than three weeks.

A judge outside Louisiana willing to take bets in court. I love it.

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The basic facts are simple. Stefan Fridriksson (through a corporation owned by his wife) purchased a hearing aid business from the defendants. He thought the defendants intentionally misrepresented certain material elements of the transaction. He sued for fraudulent misrepresentation and breach of contract and asked for $750,000 in general damages.

After nearly three years, Justice Quinn found for the plaintiff on five separate breaches of contract. He awarded the plaintiff $423.20.

Four hundred… twenty-three dollars… twenty cents.

Justice Quinn reserved on costs until he could be presented with submissions, but estimated each side spent upwards of a million bucks for lawyers.

Imagine sitting in court for that ruling. The plaintiff looks sad. He’s thinking, “Really, I just spent a million bucks to be awarded gas money?” The defendants look sad. They’re thinking, “I spent the equivalent of a snazzy cottage to defend myself against an obviously baseless lawsuit. Life sucks.” The lawyers also look sad, but that’s because they practiced their “gloomy face” in the mirror the night before. Inside they’re freakin’ ecstatic, thinking, “I’m gonna buy myself a snazzy cottage.”

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Millions of dollars in legal expenses, three years to resolve, and he awarded the plaintiff enough dough to buy a rinkside ticket to a Leafs game. Wow. That’s all I can say.

Let’s delve more into the wit and wisdom of Justice Quinn. Fridriksson was the first witness in the trial. As our judicial narrator noted, “Fridriksson sub-let the witness box for 26 days.” Cute.

He also stated that he initially found Fridriksson to be an articulate professional with terrific academic credentials. Upon the conclusion of his direct evidence, he appeared to have a “sound and comprehensive recollection of events.”

After fourteen days of cross-examination, Justice Quinn revised his assessment of the plaintiff, noting, “When he stepped down…[Fridriksson] was noticeably dazed, his credibility was reduced to existential confetti and he even appeared to be physically shorter than when the trial began.”

That’s a judge who likes metaphors. He’s pretty observant too. You were six-one when this trial started. Now you’re like, five-eleven. Stand against the doorframe, I want to check that.

The judge conducted a very thorough analysis of Fredriksson’s testimony. He even used clever section titles like, “Is there a Doctor in the house?”, “Yes, I know, I’m guessing again” and, my favourite, “Fridriksson plays Lieutenant Columbo with Inspector Clouseau results”.

With respect to Fridriksson’s credibility, he started with this preface:

Determining credibility can be a challenge for a trial judge. We have no special powers in that realm and, wherever possible, avoid reliance upon darts, dice and Ouija boards. However, rarely, has a witness generously offered up so many reasons to be disbelieved. Fridriksson was an evidentiary gift who kept on giving. He ignored rule number one in the Litigants’ Credo: “Know thyself, because others soon will.” Enough of this preamble. Come with me now on a visit to the phantasmagorical world of Fridriksson. Pack lightly.

He also added after Fridriksson finished his testimony, “The case for the plaintiff was leaking oil (at one point, I thought that I saw smoke) and everyone who was paying attention realized that whatever damages were at issue in the trial would be swamped by the costs tsunami that was approaching.” Boy, he got that right.

Most importantly, he trumped the Wizard of Oz by stating, “In the world of Monty Python, Fridriksson would be the Minister of Silly Explanations.” Which makes me wonder whether His Honour was wearing garters under his robes? And, how many times did he bang his gavel? Hmmmm…..

More amazing details:

1. There were 125 exhibits. Exhibit 1 alone consisted of 561 documents. Exhibit 90 consisted of 129 documents.

2. The closing argument was 662 pages (single-spaced, medium font with lots of footnotes).

3. Justice Quinn outlined 28 separate legal issues he had to deal with, but noted, “Other than that, the case was straight forward.” Cheeky.

Awesome case, headed by a judge who took the issues seriously, but didn’t take himself too seriously like so many of his brothers and sisters with T.S.S.

For that, Justice Quinn, we thank you. Never retire.

If you’re going to read only one case this year, give Justice Quinn a try. It’s a long judgement, but one filled with more than burns than a Scottish phonebook. If nothing else, peruse the footnotes. They contain so many nuggets gold miners are actually staking claims on the pages.

That’s the View from Up North. Have a great week.

The Hearing Clinic (Niagara Falls) Inc. v. 866073 Ontario Limited [Ontario Superior Court]


Steve Dykstra is a Canadian-trained lawyer and legal recruiter. He is the President of Keybridge Legal Recruiting, a boutique recruitment firm that places lawyers in law firms and in-house roles throughout North America. You can contact Steve at steve@keybridgerecruiting.com. You can also read his blog at stevendykstra.wordpress.com, follow him on Twitter (@IMRecruitR), or connect on LinkedIn (ca.linkedin.com/in/stevedykstra/).