3 More Ways Senior Partners Cheat

Fact number one: More than 35,000 of you clicked through to “continue reading” “How Senior Partners Cheat,” making that the most widely read of the nearly 300 columns that I’ve written for Above the Law since my stint began four years ago.

(That column surely enticed associates because they hoped to learn about unseemly stuff that’s typically hidden from their view. And partners undoubtedly clicked through in hope of finding an instruction manual.)

Fact number two: David Lat, social media guru that he is, tells me that articles with Arabic numbers in their titles (“5 Things General Counsel Hate,” “4 Tips For Making Partner,” “3 French Hens,” and so on) draw more readers than articles with titles that contain only words. (I have no idea why that’s true, but I don’t doubt that we’ll see an empirical study of it some day.)

So I’m running an experiment with today’s column: I’m returning to the subject of cheating partners, because I know that interests so many of you. And I put a number in the title of this column, because apparently that will cause readers to swarm through the “continue reading” icon like flies to carrion. So here you have it: “3 More Ways Senior Partners Cheat:” . . .

Ha! This column has nothing to do with how senior partners cheat. This is how Above the Law columnists cheat!

Today marks the fourth anniversary of my column at Above the Law. In years past, I’ve celebrated my birthday by publishing columns with names like “Happy Birthday To Me!” and “Join An Online Celebration!”

And you blew me off. Nobody bothered to click through to “continue reading.”

Not this year. I’m older and wiser now. I’m four! And I’m not going to celebrate alone! So I just conned you to click through the link.

Think about it.

Four years. Almost 300 columns. Nearly 2 million clicks through those links to continue reading this drivel.

Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?

Over the course of four years, I’ve created what a serious writer might call “a body of work.”

I’ve written comedies:

Things My Son Said.

An Open Letter To The University Of Chicago Law School.

Provide ‘Advance Praise For ‘Inside Straight — The Book’!

I’ve written tragedies:

A Partner’s Lament.

Rain On The Elysian Plain: Or, 3 Drawbacks To In-House Life. (See? Lat told me to put Arabic numbers in those titles.)

A Non-Equity Partner’s Rant.

I’ve written histories:

Business Development (Part 3).

Hire This Unemployed Chicago-Kent Editor-In-Chief!

War Stories: Tales From The Trenches Of Litigation.

What columns did you like most?

How Senior Partners Cheat.

Expose Your Weakness — Now!

And an earlier column almost as fraudulent as this one: Cravath Summer Bonuses!?

What else have I done with my allotted space? I’ve hawked books:

Mine. (Sometimes, my sales pitch is subtle.)

Lat’s.

Harper’s.

My other one. (Sometimes, my sales pitch is not.)

My other, other one. (Sometimes, my sales pitch is a scam, pure and simple.)

And, more than anything else, I’ve had fun.

(Why else would I be doing this? It sure ain’t for the money. Or the warm and fuzzy praise lavished on me by the commenters.)

But I wouldn’t have had all that fun without you.

So: Please forgive the scam that caused you to click through and read this column.

Thanks for reading – both today and throughout the last four years.

And go out and celebrate! After all, it’s my birthday!

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Mark Herrmann is the Chief Counsel – Litigation and Global Chief Compliance Officer at Aon, the world’s leading provider of risk management services, insurance and reinsurance brokerage, and human capital and management consulting. He is the author of The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law and Inside Straight: Advice About Lawyering, In-House And Out, That Only The Internet Could Provide (affiliate links). You can reach him by email at [email protected].