Judge Thinks X-Wing Lawsuit Is As Dumb As We Did

The guy suing Disney so he can build a real-life X-Wing has lost. But the judge gives us some grade A trolling.

A couple months ago we profiled a case in Delaware Chancery where a lawyer acting pro se (NYLS grad, natch) sued Disney for “stalling the next evolution of human transportation on this planet,” namely the construction of a working model of Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing. After much thoughtful consideration, we declared this lawsuit “stupid.”

Apparently Vice Chancellor Glasscock[1] agreed and decided to delight us with exactly the kind of opinion this complaint deserved.

In case you forgot the details of this case, the quick summary is that a guy named Joseph Alfred claimed that he was working with a company on a flying car and he had the bright idea of mocking up this car to look like a Rebel Alliance T-65 X-Wing[2]. His unassailable logic was that thousands and thousands of Americans would want their car to look like a cheap knockoff of the dorkiest vehicle around. Solid. But, after taking a phone meeting with him, Disney declined to hand Alfred the rights to build a flying Star Wars jalopy.

This prompted a lawsuit that cited Star Wars as the only important work of fiction since Gilgamesh and outlined a fool-proof business plan revolving around Florida State football and… oh hell, just read it yourself.

In ruling on the motion to dismiss this masterpiece, Vice Chancellor Glasscock gives a commendable left-handed benchslap right off the bat:

That Complaint is remarkable. It is in my experience a unique example of the pleader’s art. It cites to the epic of Gilgamesh, Woody Guthrie, the Declaration of Independence, Noah and The Great Flood, Game of Thrones, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, Star Trek, President Obama, and Euclid’s proof of the Infinity of Primes, among other references. It is well-written and compelling. In fact, it can be faulted only for a single—but significant—shortcoming: it fails to state a claim on which relief could be granted.

Sick burn.

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From early on, Vice Chancellor Glasscock shows off his pop culture chops in order not to be outdone by Alfred, seeing his Euclid and raising him a Homer:

It is perhaps coincidental that it is Disney’s media competitor, Fox, whose creation, the Stonecutters, hold back the electric car. See The Simpsons: Homer the Great (Fox television broadcast Jan. 8, 1995).

Great. Now I’ve got that song stuck in my head.[3] I guess it’s better that than the Fallout Boy song that ESPN’s been playing over and over again. While we’re on the subject of The Simpsons, before Disney, Alfred pitched his X-Wing idea to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum it put them on the map!

This isn’t Vice Chancellor Glasscock’s first foray into the footnote funnies. Longtime Delaware observers — and who isn’t? — remember when he kicked off a case about sewer pipes by breaking out into Danny Boy[4] Can this guy write all the opinions ever? He could take over the Marchuk v. Faruqi & Faruqi case — he’s already had some choice words for alleged harasser Juan Monteverde.

But because Bluebooking signaling humor is the best humor, I thought he saved his best footnote for Alfred’s proposal to publicize the X-Wing “during halftime of a football game featuring the unbeaten football Seminoles of Florida State University.”

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But see 2015 Rose Bowl (ESPN television broadcast Jan. 1, 2015).

Ahahahahaha. For those who don’t remember, the Rose Bowl was the game where Florida State finally played someone with a pulse and therefore lost 59-20.

The crux of Alfred’s claim all along was that Disney agreeing to listen to his pitch created a contractual obligation to agree to the pitch, or in the alternative estopped Disney from backing out. This all makes sense if you believe in Euclid’s proof of infinite primes. And, yes, that was seriously Alfred’s support for his claim that “hearing a proposal” requires “accepting the proposal.” Vice Chancellor Glasscock declined to accept that truth because he hates science.

Before kicking Alfred fully to the curb, the opinion offers some parting words of encouragement.

Robert Fulton was laughed at by his peers, as was Secretary Seward. Galileo faced the inquisition for promoting heliocentric theory. Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring caused a riot when first played. The Impressionists’ early work was considered unsalable, and Van Gogh “suffered for [his] sanity.”

Vice Chancellor Glasscock cites Don McLean’s song Vincent here because he’s amazing and now that’s stuck in my head.

Plaintiff and his vision of a vertical take-off and landing flying vehicle—which vehicle would revolutionize transportation and save lives and resources—as well as his marketing plan to achieve economies of scale by generating demand through a tie-in to a similar vehicle made popular via cinema, may be of this ilk.

And perhaps Alfred is going to miss out on the Star Wars hoopla, but there are plenty of other flying cars in the sea.

These include a flying Ford Model T, see The Absent Minded Professor (Walt Disney Prods. 1961) and Ex. A; a flying 1920’s model custom racer based on autos created by Count Lewis Zborowski, see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (United Artists 1968); and a flying Ford Anglia, see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Warner Bros. 2002).

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.[5] Now that’s in my head. OK, now I’ve changed my mind, I hate Vice Chancellor Glasscock.

To read the opinion in full, head on over to the next page…

Earlier: Guy Sues Disney For Not Letting Him Build A Working X-Wing And Making $930 Million
Alexandra Marchuk v. Faruqi & Faruqi: 5 Observations From Inside The Courtroom
The Delaware Court Of Chancery Seems Annoyed With Juan Monteverde



[1] With all due respect, whenever I think of the Vice Chancellor, I always think of the throwaway Simpsons character who nervously returned to teaching after Bart crushed all misbehavior at school during his fascist days and beat a cowardly retreat as soon as students started to act out. I’d like to think the Vice Chancellor went the other way and developed his sharp wit to deal with that teasing.
[2] As of the upcoming movie, I guess it’s a “New Republic” X-Wing. On that note, in the original trilogy, X-Wings were described as already outdated. Apparently 30 years later and armed with the infrastructure of a multi-planetary government, they still use these things. Who’s running the New Republic? Chris Hughes has a more successful New Republic than this.
[3] And I’m glad he’s outed himself as a classic Simpsons fan. That way if he ever reads this he’ll get the Mr. Glascock reference. Supra, note 1.
[4] Kuhns v. Hiler, 2014 WL 1292860 (Del.Ch. Mar. 31, 2014).
[5] Also known as the Ian Fleming story that’s less fanciful than Goldfinger.