The Life And Times Of A Biglaw Mommy

Mommy Dear, Esq. is currently trying to “have it all,” “lean in,” and sometimes even cook dinner. She is very, very tired.

Ed. note: Please welcome Mommy Dear, Esq. (not her real name, obviously) to Above the Law. She’ll be writing about the roller coaster experience of what it’s like to be a working mother… in Biglaw.

Truth be told, I never thought I would stay in Biglaw long enough to write this column. Even back in law school, when I was young and idealistic and thought that billing 60 hours a week probably “wouldn’t be so bad, sometimes,” I confidently proclaimed that I would put in five years and be done. Then, when I started in Biglaw and realized that actually, 60 hours is pretty bad, I swore up and down that I’d say two, maybe three years, and I’d be done.

Now, years later, here I am, still in Biglaw… with a baby. I REALLY never thought I’d be here. And yet, despite all my complaints about Biglaw over the years, despite all its very real faults and flaws, I’m realizing that it’s not necessarily the worst place to be for a working mom — the operative word being “necessarily.”

I think anyone who a) works in Biglaw, b) has a friend, family member, or just someone on their Facebook feed who works in Biglaw, or c) reads this blog could rattle off a dozen things that are wrong with Biglaw. I promise you, I don’t disagree with those things, and I’m sure I’ll touch on many of them as I expound on living the life of a Biglaw Mom. Having a baby wake you up at 3:00 a.m. is bad enough, so having your Blackberry go off at 4:00 a.m. after the baby falls back asleep is, well, rubbing spit-up in the wound.

On the other hand, my friends and I have all been in the real world long enough now for me to realize that other jobs aren’t necessarily so great either, and sometimes they make Biglaw look like a downright cushy gig. My maternity leave? Four months paid (and that’s not even that great by Biglaw standards). Most people I know in non-Biglaw jobs? They were lucky to get six weeks paid. Flex time? I work four days a week and I’m out the door between 5 and 6, and I still earn a hefty six-figure salary. No one else I know has that. It’s not easy — I’m back to work at night, billing away even as I watch my sleep window shrink before the baby wakes up for the first time. And I know the partners are not all thrilled to find that I’m gone at 7 p.m. when they finally turn to the draft I gave them at 10:30 a.m. But for the moment, it’s — sort of — working.

What I’m coming to realize, and what I want to use this column to explore, is that there are so many little, tiny, minuscule ways in which it could work so much better. Small institutional changes, minor adjustments to expectations, and really, really petty gives could make such a difference. (Please, please, PLEASE just let breastfeeding mothers have locks on their office doors. Seriously, I think each one of us would gladly shell out $50 to install that lock. ) All I seem to hear these days is frustration with the struggle to keep women in the workforce. More and more women are throwing in the towel, deciding that they can’t “have it all,” and abandoning careers to stay home with their babies. It seems to be generally acknowledged (at least on the surface) that this isn’t a good thing. We want women to stick around — and yet, these small changes just aren’t being made. I’d like to offer my thoughts and experiences in the hopes that maybe one more voice will help to bring about some change, or at least so other lawyer moms won’t feel alone.

One final thing — I’m writing this anonymously because, although I’m going to criticize a lot of things about law firms and partners, I truly like and respect (almost) all the people I work with, especially the partners. I also hope that writing anonymously will allow me to take the stories of other moms and make them my own without jeopardizing anyone else’s careers or reputations. Let that be an open invitation to the mommies on this blog. I’d love to hear what you have to say.

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Mommy Dear, Esq. is a senior Biglaw associate in NYC by day and a new mommy by evening, weekend, and 3:30 a.m. She’s currently trying to “have it all,” “lean in,” and sometimes even cook dinner. Mommy Dear, Esq. is very, very tired. You can email her at mommydearesq@gmail.com.

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