The Bar Exam Is Horrible -- Here's How You Can Make It Less Horrible

The bar exam is boring and stressful, but hopefully you'll be able to make it slightly less miserable for yourselves after reading this advice.

A few weeks ago, I gave some advice here on ATL about how to crush the last two weeks of bar exam study. After reading the column, I got nervous that some of you might actually take my advice, not pass, and then hold it against me till next February.  So rather than keeping my mouth shut, I decided to double down: here’s my advice for crushing bar exam day.  Sitting for the bar is the worst.  You might have noticed that I loved studying for the bar (I even interviewed Roger Schechter last year).  I have no such love for the bar exam itself.  As you will see, it was not my most pleasant day, but perhaps you can learn from my mistakes.

Problem 1: The bar exam is boring

The last standardized test that most of you took was the LSAT.  The LSAT, at least by exam standards, is not that bad; in fact, one of the sections is actually called games.  Well, there are no games on the bar exam, there is only misery.  Not only is it boring, it’s two days worth of boring.  Taking the bar feels like you’ve been imprisoned in a Siberian gulag.  I barely had the will to read or answer any of the questions.  But, I wanted to pass, so I started making deals with myself.  If I could answer 20 questions, I would allow myself the pleasure of half of a half a sandwich.  If I pushed forward and answered 40 questions, I made it a full sandwich + a Diet Dr. Pepper + a trip to the bathroom.

Solution 1: This worked.  Figure out in advance what your prizes are going to be, and use them to motivate you to actually read and write answers to the questions that determine your future.

Problem 2: The prohibitions on cellphones

I don’t know if the cellphone laws are still as draconian as they were, but basically the rule was, bring a cell phone into the exam and we catch you, you’re never getting to practice law.  Which is why naturally, my buddy brought in his cell phone which rang during the exam.  He told me about it at lunch break and we both began bugging out.  He didn’t bring his phone intentionally, he just forgot to check it in with all his belongings.  But he got so nervous, he actually took a taxi home at lunch and dropped his phone off at his apartment.  This way, if they ever apprehended him, a search of his person would have yielded no incriminating evidence (since I know you’re all talking in bar speak this week!).  For the record, I told him he should have thrown his phone in the gutter, but maybe that’s because I had been binge-watching The Wire.  Both of us spent our lunch breaks freaking out, he about his phone, me about my friend who might not pass.  This was not good for an already fragile mental state.

Solution 2: Leave your phone at home — it’s not worth the risk.  Also, if something insane happens to you in the middle of the exam, don’t tell your friends.

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Problem 3: Talking to other people after the bar exam

There is a common courtesy that 99% of other human beings understand: don’t talk about the bar after the exam finishes.  The problem is that 1% of humans ruin it for the rest of us.  You see, this person insists on asking you about what you wrote for the question about the Bengal tiger that mauls a zookeeper.  And this person likes to attack whole groups at a time, whether it’s outside the Javits Center or at bar later that night.  In my carpool home from the bar exam, we had a one percenter, and he was infecting our conversation with talk of questions that he knew he had gotten right.  He just couldn’t wait to compare answers with the rest of us and, as he was going on, I began to realize that I had written a few wrong answers.  I ended up passing, but at that moment I felt like sh*t.

Solution 3: Speak to no one who took the bar.  Make plans in advance to celebrate with people who didn’t take the exam.

You know what you’re up against, bar-takers.  The bar exam is boring and stressful, but hopefully my experience will give you some ideas about how to make it slightly less miserable.  If you’ve got your own good suggestions, hit me up here in the comments sections or on Twitter, if that’s your thing.


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Zach Abramowitz is a former Biglaw associate and currently CEO and co-founder of ReplyAll. You can follow Zach on Twitter (@zachabramowitz) or reach him by email at zach@replyall.me.