In a recent conversation with Dillon Zwick, Steve Fretzin explored a question that sits at the core of every lasting legal career: What if networking wasn’t sales at all, but a science of human relationships?
What Dillon laid out wasn’t a vague philosophy. It was a structured, repeatable system, grounded in research on connection, memory, and trust, that lawyers can use to build a small circle of relationships that actually drive referrals and opportunity over time.
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Why Some Connections Fade and Others Don’t
Dillon pointed to research from psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus, who studied how memory decays. His findings, now known as the forgetting curve, showed that our strongest bonds fade slowly while weaker ties disappear fast, regardless of effort.
The implication for professional relationships is direct: you probably haven’t forgotten an ex from a decade ago, but the person you met for coffee once will likely forget you exist within months. That isn’t a character flaw. It’s how memory works.
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A System for Staying Remembered
If memory decay is the problem, reinforcement is the fix. Dillon described a practical method built on spaced repetition, using an external system like a CRM to prompt periodic check-ins before a relationship has the chance to fade.
His own cadence is a four, six, nine month rhythm. Meet someone today, reconnect around the four month mark, not necessarily with a big ask, but with something of value to them. After that, shift to a six-month rhythm and keep going until the relationship has real weight behind it.
The goal isn’t to manufacture closeness. It’s to keep showing up consistently enough that familiarity has room to grow into trust.
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Not Every Connection Deserves the Same Investment
Dillon was candid about the math of relationship building: most people you meet won’t become real relationships, and that’s expected. His rule of thumb is that out of ten people met, roughly two will have genuine potential.
The real work starts after the initial meeting. Networking events are entry points, useful for access, but it’s the one-on-one follow-up, the coffee, the conversation, that reveals whether a relationship is worth building. Once that smaller group of high-potential connections is identified, the strategy shifts to doubling down on those specific relationships rather than spreading effort evenly across everyone met.
Watch the clip here:
Relevance Requires Reinforcement
Too many lawyers treat networking as a series of disconnected events: show up, exchange a few words, move on, then wonder months later why nothing came of it.
The fix isn’t more hustle. It’s structure. By understanding how memory naturally decays, filtering for the relationships most worth investing in, and applying a consistent follow-up cadence, lawyers can stay genuinely present in the right people’s minds without ever feeling like they’re selling.
That’s the science behind staying top of mind, and it’s what turns a contact list into a referral network.
Steve Fretzin is a five-time bestselling author, host of the BE THAT LAWYER and Future Rainmakers podcasts, and a business development coach who works exclusively with attorneys. For more than 18 years, he has helped lawyers build strong books of business without selling, pitching, or chasing, using his proven Sales-Free Selling™ approach. His clients consistently become top rainmakers and credit his coaching and systems for driving meaningful, measurable growth. Steve can be reached directly at [email protected], or through his website at www.bethatlawyer.com. Connect with him on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevefretzin. His ALL NEW BE THAT LAWYER Community is changing how lawyers develop the skills never taught in law school. Learn more at www.bethatlawyer.com/community.