Celebrities, Defamation, Sex

Jared Leto's Lawyer Strenuously Objects To Claims That Her Client Has A Large -- Yes, Large -- Penis

Not your ordinary lawyer letter: "It is, as I understand it, the accusation of having a SMALL penis that is understood to be an insult." (Emphasis in original.)

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On Tuesday, Allison S. Hart of Lavely & Singer, the prominent entertainment law firm, sent a letter threatening legal action against Lipstick Alley, a celebrity gossip site featuring message boards where readers dish amongst themselves. On Wednesday, a longtime defender of free speech on the internet, Paul Alan Levy of Public Citizen, sent an awesome response to Hart, smacking down her claims.

Levy’s letter begins with a learned discussion of Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act (my favorite provision in the entire United States Code), which in a nutshell holds website operators not liable for comments posted by their readers (praise the Lord). But this is the real money quote (click to — hehe — enlarge):

If even a Magnum doesn’t fit, you must acquit. (Or since this would be a civil action for defamation: if the big dong belongs to a celebrity, you must find no liability?)

In the next paragraph, Paul Alan Levy explores the lawyer-client relationship between Hart and Leto:

“I assume that you do not have personal knowledge about the size of Leto’s penis or about whether he is rough with sexual partners.” That seems like a fair assumption; even in Hollywood, law firms have limits when it comes to “client service.”

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That said, Lavely & Singer is known for going the extra mile for clients — even infamous ones, as Levy can’t resist mentioning:

Ouch. That sick burn just melted my Jello pudding pop.

Is Paul Alan Levy’s letter too aggressive for your taste? Well, he probably felt comfortable getting snarky in light of this:

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Here’s some friendly advice for our readers: set up some Google Alerts for yourselves, your law firms, and your clients, so you’ll know in real time what’s being said about you and about them online. (And if you want to be extra vigilant, there are advanced tools out there that will also pull mentions from court filings and social media.)

If Paul Alan Levy’s letter is correct in even half of its contentions, then the Lavely & Singer letter to Lipstick Alley is so lacking in legal merit that one must wonder: was this intended as serious legal correspondence, or was it actually a publicity stunt to get word of Jared Leto’s big, juicy penis to go viral? If so — well played, Mr. Leto, well played.

P.S. If this litigation goes forward and a special master must be appointed to evaluate the size of Jared Leto’s member, you know where to reach me.

(Flip to the next page to read Paul Alan Levy’s complete letter to Allison Hart — it’s amazing. Thanks to prominent media lawyer Charles Glasser for alerting me to this letter.)

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