Top 10 Frivolous Lawsuits List Is... Frivolous, But Funny

The top frivolous suits of the year may be a dumb list, but some of these cases are pretty funny.

Every year, the U.S. Chamber Institute for Legal Reform compiles a top ten list of the most ridiculous lawsuits featured on their site. The list rarely disappoints when it comes to wacky recovery theories, conniving litigants, and all-around “smack my head” moments. It’s the sort of list that makes you hate lawyers.

And that, of course, is the point.

Cultivating a healthy disdain for the legal industry is the organization’s raison d’être. The Institute, a wing of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, packages a handful of ludicrous cases to create the false impression that litigation is overwhelmingly a wasteful endeavor. If the stories can blend stupidity with greed, all the better. At the end of the day, no one’s really worried about the economic burden of the monkey selfie suit, but the Chamber’s backers are really concerned about the decidedly less funny case of kids who got cancer from industrial runoff that leaked into the groundwater. When the public thinks lawsuits are all about stupid people shoving their hands down blenders, there’s a little less public outcry when the Chamber lobbies to throw procedural obstacles in the way of those cancer-ridden children.

The list itself is a frivolity, a collection of curiosities trumped up to mislead the public. But they are kind of funny. So without further ado, let’s look at which cases made the cut.

1. Animal Rights Group Sues on Behalf of Monkey for Ownership of “Selfies”

PETA, which stands for “People For Putting Naked Actresses On Billboards,” filed suit on behalf of a female macaque monkey asserting that the monkey should enjoy copyright protection on a “selfie” she took when she stole a photographer’s camera. The organization hopes to use the proceeds from the published work to benefit the animals themselves. Perhaps a noble cause, but a dumb legal argument. While intellectual property law is littered with some powerfully stupid rulings, this one is probably not going to take much time to resolve.

But it’s a bit disingenuous to suggest that there isn’t an important legal principle at play here. The less sexy side of this dispute is the stance taken by folks like Wikimedia, that a picture snapped by a monkey is in the public domain. The photographer who lost his camera claims to own the picture because it was taken with his settings, but under that logic the factory owns the copyright on every candid taken by those tools who spend way too much on a professional camera they don’t understand and never mess with the defaults. Intellectual property is already beset with trolling and any litigation that can promote fair use or public domain claims makes America a better place.

Sponsored

And aren’t we all trying to Make America Great Again.

2. Bank Robber Gets Shot After Pointing Gun at Deputy; Sues City for Medical Bills

After receiving a pair of slugs while fleeing a police officer, this bank robber sued the County for $6.3 million (in one place, the post indicates $3.6 but that’s a transposing error).

Now, Kirkpatrick, currently an inmate at Clallam Bay Corrections Center, has filed a legal claim against Snohomish County (a precursor to a lawsuit) seeking $6.3 million.

Apparently, he claims that the medical bills from the gunshot sounds equal more than $300,000 and that other police officers failed to stop the deputy from “trying to execute” him.

Naw, dude. Kirkpatrick actually pointed a gun at the officer — not a toy gun or, say, no gun at all — and received two non-lethal hits. Will the virtues of being a white guy never cease!

Sponsored

If you’re really looking for frivolous suits, ignore the class actions because inmate suits are where it’s at. A client of mine was once hit with a 50-page, handwritten motion explaining how Brown v. Board meant that the incarcerated fraudster could appeal his case to The World Court. But while annoying, these are more of a feature than a bug. What else are inmates going to do? We should afford inmates every opportunity to vindicate their rights, no matter how frivolous the claim because every now and again the inmate is the one in the right.

3. 8-year-old New York Boy is Sued by His Aunt for a “Careless” Hug

This was certainly a ridiculous suit, but the Institute seems to not understand why.

Four years ago Jennifer Connell attended the 8th birthday party of her nephew, Sean Tarala. Apparently Tarala was so enthused at the presence of his “Auntie Jen” that he leapt into her arms. The jump caused Connell to fall to the ground, breaking her wrist.

The next present Connell gave Tarala to unwrap was a $127,000 lawsuit.

Connell named the boy as the defendant in a lawsuit for the cost of her legal bills, claiming her injuries were caused by Tarala’s “negligence and carelessness,” arguing that the 8-year old birthday boy “should have known that a forceful greeting such as the one delivered by the defendant to the plaintiff could cause the harms and losses suffered by the plaintiff.”

This was basically the same take our own Elie Mystal took in the immediate aftermath of the story, but the Institute’s had a few months to figure out that this isn’t at all what happened. Instead, the vagaries of a shoddy health care system and stingy homeowner’s insurance companies left an injured woman six figures out of pocket and she was forced to sue her nephew — on paper — to get the insurance carrier to pay up.

That is an example of a broken legal system, and I’m sure the Chamber of Commerce will join in the call for a single-payer health care system that will make such suits a thing of the past! Oh… probably not.

4. Pennsylvania Nursing Student Fails a Course Twice and Sues the School for Not Helping With Anxiety

A nursing student at Misericordia University in Pennsylvania is suing for failing a required course twice, citing a lack of accommodation for her mental health. Who names a school after misery? I guess it technically means “mercy” but come on.

According to the Associated Press, this student says “anxiety and depression made it difficult for her to concentrate” and that her “professor didn’t do enough to help her pass a class on adult health patterns.”

After failing the required course to complete her nursing degree a first time, Jennifer Burbella requested accommodations for her disability caused by depression and anxiety.

On her second attempt to complete the class, she was reportedly offered a “distraction-free environment,” an extended deadline to complete the exam, and the ability to ask the professor questions during her second attempt.

But, Burbella contends, none of that happened during the final exam. So, she diagnosed the issue as a legal problem, and sought the “healing” help of a lawyer.

Well… yeah. If the school — with duties to accommodate an array of disabilities either by government mandate or in specific student policies — made her promises and then didn’t fulfill them to her detriment that’s pretty much a lawsuit. While I’d certainly question whether someone with anxiety issues should be placed in the stressful job of nursing, that’s above and beyond whether or not there’s a claim here.

I guess this is supposed to be funny because mental health problems aren’t “real” problems. Until there’s a mass shooting of course at which point mental health is a huge public crisis.

5. Two New York Women File $40 Million Lawsuit Over ‘Like, Five or Six Scratches’ They Received From a Gas Explosion Blocks Away

There’s some chutzpah! When a gas explosion devastated the East Village, these women saw a potential payday and went for it.

Lucie Bauermeister, age 23, and Anna Ramatowska, age 26, filed the suit in Bronx Supreme Court, claiming they were “severely injured, both physically and mentally.”

But the New York Post reports that “Ramatowska said she got “like, five or six scratches’ when she went outside to inspect the blast site. Bauermeister didn’t suffer any physical injuries — but did say she is seeing a $175-an-hour psychologist to deal with the trauma.”

But honestly, “fraudulent” is not the same as “frivolous.” If these women are making up their injuries, that’s not a problem with the legal system itself because people still have to be able to have access to the courts when they’re really injured. But it is the sort of case that could benefit from the English Rule, which the Institute has championed in the past, at least in the context of investor suits.

Check out the rest of the list, including dumb Dallas Cowboys fans and super hot coffee on the next page…