Small Law Firms, Solo Practitioners

Who Needs A Business Card When You Can Be A Lawyer Stereotype?

Seven stereotypes about lawyers, reviewed by columnist Gary J. Ross.

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Gary J. Ross

Gary J. Ross

Apparently I look American. A few years ago, I was running in Frankfurt and a man said something to me in German. When I didn’t respond – I don’t speak German, so what was I going to say, gesundheit? blitzkrieg? Hasselhoff? – he turned back to his companion and said, under his breath, “American.”

No shame in getting pegged as your nationality, just like they’re no shame in folks being able to tell you’re a lawyer. After all, we didn’t spend 150 grand and sacrifice three years for people not to know we’re lawyers. In much the same way people will wear their medals the day after – or days after – a marathon, we want people to know of our sacrifice. Of our commitment to justice. Of our desire to be greater. Better. Better than everyone else!

Fortunately, there are many well-known lawyer stereotypes that are just as good as a medal hanging around our necks for letting people know we’re lawyers. If you can inhabit a few of these, you can save a lot of money on business cards, because people will know you’re a lawyer. When you walk by, they’ll say, “Lawyer.”

Lawyers are greedy

Somehow lawyers got the stereotype of being greedy. Of wanting every dime. This one isn’t a very hard stereotype to live up to. Just pick up every dime you can. Better yet, be more lawyer-like and make others pick up dimes for you. When you see a dime on the sidewalk, in an authoritative manner ask the nearest person to pick it up for you. Go ahead – try it today. You’ll be amazed what you can get people to do. And as you go on your merry way one dime richer, if you strain you may catch the dime-pickup person saying in a stage whisper, “Lawyer.”

Lawyers are rude

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I don’t think of lawyers as being particularly rude. We’re just dedicated to our clients, and sometimes that comes across as rude to folks who aren’t as dedicated. Like when I’m on the subway. I have to make use of what time I have, so I always have to find a seat to review documents. And if there are no empty seats, someone is going to have to get up. As my dad – who’s constantly afraid I’m about to lose my job, even though I’m self-employed – frequently says, “Work comes first!” Specifically, my work comes first. Way before the convenience of some other person. Yes, there have been many times when an elderly lady or someone else has had to get up and as I take the seat I can hear the other straphangers say to each other in a voice quite above a stage whisper, “Lawyer.”

Lawyers are dishonest

We took an oath, so I don’t know how this stereotype got started. On the other hand, maybe you’ll recall the oath just says you’ll support and defend the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Georgia, so help you God. (Maybe if you’re admitted in a state other than Georgia you’ll need to defend that state’s constitution. Or maybe everyone swears to defend Georgia’s constitution. I’m not really sure how it works.) Lying isn’t addressed, since as far as I know the constitution doesn’t forbid lying. Right? So maybe I’m not violating my oath when I tell the IT guy, of course I turned it off and on, what do I do now?! To which he’ll respond by sighing, logging onto my computer and restarting it, inevitably fixing the problem, and saying under his breath, “Lawyer.”

Lawyers are well-dressed

This is one of the lawyer stereotypes, right? I think so. You know, the flashy trial lawyer. Many years ago, I was in a store looking at watches and the man behind the counter asked me, “Are you a lawyer?” He could tell by the stylish clothes I wear. Or maybe he asked me that after I called him a crook because I thought I saw a crack in the face of one of the watches, which turned out to be a glint of light. Yes, come to think of it I believe it was after that. And it wasn’t really a question. It was… more of sneer. And now I recall it was also under his breath, like a stage whisper, “Lawyer.”

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Lawyers are miserable
Lawyers are drunks

Guess what?! Here you can get two for the price of one by being a miserable drunk! Just sit in a bar and start griping about your job and don’t stop. There’s nothing people enjoy more than listening to someone else complain about their job. As you go on and on and on, you may not even notice as your audience turns to each other, whispering under their breath, “Lawyer.”

Lawyers think they know everything

Where did this one come from? Of course we don’t think we know everything. We just think we know more than everyone else. That’s much different. If I have a pain in my side and I once tried a case involving, say, peritonitis, then I should know if it’s peritonitis or not, right? And if he tells me it’s not peritonitis and if he gives me the medication I’m demanding it’s going to kill me, well hey, this doctor’s obviously an idiot anyway since he didn’t even know I have peritonitis! And I’m sure as he pushes the medication into the iv and we both look at the bluish liquid advance down the iv to my arm, the last word I’ll ever hear will be, “Lawyer.”

Gary J. Ross opened his own practice, Jackson Ross PLLC, in 2013 after several years in Biglaw and the federal government. Gary handles corporate and securities matters for startups, large and small businesses, private equity funds, and investors in each, and also has a number of non-profit clients. You can reach Gary by email at Gary.Ross@JacksonRossLaw.com.

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