Law Schools

3 Reasons Why Marnie From 'Girls' Shouldn't Go To Law School

Don't go to law school just because you “f**king love rules."

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(Photo via HBO)

(Photo via HBO)

Ed. note: This post contains spoilers from the series finale of HBO’s “Girls.”

If you’ve watched “Girls” for the past six years, then you’ve become intimately familiar with one of the show’s most selfish, grating characters, Marnie Michaels (played by Allison Williams). The character who viewers loved to hate is an art history major from Oberlin who has muddled through various failures in her life — she’s lost her gallery job, her marriage, her singing career, and her apartment — all the while giving off a conceited, holier-than-thou air. In the show’s final episode, seemingly desperate to find her purpose in life, Marnie has essentially begged to co-parent Hannah Horvath’s child.

After months of Hannah abusing her assistance, it appears that Marnie has finally reached her breaking point… and it’s driven her to consider going to law school.

I guess it’s time for me to start figuring out what’s next. A piece of me has always wanted to go to law school. It’s mostly because I just love the idea of all the rules — I fucking love rules.

In those three sentences, Marnie’s character has fulfilled exactly what the show promised in its pilot episode — to be the voice of a generation, or at least a voice of a generation. Marnie has revealed herself to be the voice of a generation that has looked to law school as a fallback plan, and that generation has generally not been happy with the results.

Marnie should not go to law school under any circumstance. Here are 3 reasons why.

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  1. She’d completely debt-finance her degree. Marnie is completely broke. She has no job. She has no money. If she were to go to law school — and you know that in her quest to be perfect, she’d go to a private law school — she’d be taking on an average debt of $130,349. She might live in an absolute hovel of an apartment, but after paying for tuition, the rest of her living expenses would be spent on whatever the trendiest (and most pretentious) workout regimen du jour happens to be, along with clothes she can’t afford because she’ll obviously have to nail the look of a law student. Despite the fact that Navient will be pimping her out for years to come, Marnie will tell anyone who will listen that she attends law school on a scholarship; after all, paying full freight to attend law school would be embarrassing for her.

  2. She’d be a gunner. Marnie is an obnoxious striver who loves to hear herself talk. She’d be the type of law student who would ask a question with less than five minutes left in class, just as the professor was about to let everyone leave early. Even the professor would sigh as Marnie’s hand shot up like an arrow, if only because he knows that he’ll have to endure her endlessly drone on about a topic as she regales the entire class with her very important life experiences and speaks about her “cultural heritage as a white, Christian woman” — all of which are only tangentially related to the case previously being discussed. Don’t even bother asking her for her outline, because it’s highly unlikely that she’d share it with you.

  3. She’d have bad luck in the job market. Marnie is a high achiever with no real achievements to speak of, she’s entirely devoid of self-awareness, and she’s going to law school because she has no idea what else to do with her life. Although she may look incredibly well put together, she will undoubtedly be a terrible interview candidate. The only thing she has to speak about is herself, and it’s not even a very good — or very interesting — topic. If she ever does land a job in spite of flailing her way through an interview, you better believe that she’ll post a picture of her offer letter on Instagram as a humblebrag, and she’ll definitely include #soblessed.

So go ahead, Marnie, go to law school (for all of the wrong reasons). Accumulate six figures of non-dischargeable student debt like the rest of your generational cohorts. Struggle to find a job, but be sure to blame everyone but yourself. You want to go to law school because you “fucking love rules,” but let’s see how much you “fucking love rules” when you’re even more broke than when you started your pointless journey into law.

Staci ZaretskyStaci Zaretsky is an editor at Above the Law. She’d love to hear from you, so feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments. You can follow her on Twitter or connect with her on LinkedIn.

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