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Next Week, Swords Are Legal To Carry Down The Street In Texas

New law brings Texas into the Middle Ages.

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The new advertisement from the Texas Law Hawk highlights three significant legal changes taking effect next week. First, drivers can no longer text and drive. That’s the sort of straightforward, logical regulation Texas is known for when there isn’t a powerful, well-financed lobbying group on the other side. Second, drivers can, under some conditions, seal their first DUI conviction. The stigma of a conviction is real and one-time offenders who’ve paid their debt to society deserve to move on after DUIs as much as any other convict. Third, it’s legal to carry swords in public.

Oh. A lot of clamoring for this one, was there?

That ad was already better than this entire season of Game of Thrones.

Maybe this is just covering the state’s commercial interests. With the Super Bowl considering a boycott of the state over its equally medieval “bathroom bill,” maybe this is just a signal to the world’s LARPers that Texas is open for business.

But for a state that’s always one legislative session away from authorizing Jeep-mounted .50 calibers so they can fully transform I-10 into Fury Road, legalizing the open carry of katanas is a move that surprises no one. Gun control advocates have long harped on the argument that the ahistorical reading of the Second Amendment that Texas legislators peddle to keep the gun manufacturing lobby dollars flowing ignores that — if we cared a wit about “the law as originally intended” — contemplated muskets and swords and not high-powered, long-distance accurate semi-automatic handguns. In Texas, legislators heard this and rather than reconsidering the importance of regulation in the modern age, responded with, “SWORDS! Wow, that’s a whole new way to compensate for penis size!”

However, if you’re the sort who wants to run around Dallas with a broadsword because goddammit it’s your right as an American and a level 23 mage, know that Texas Law Hawk has your back if the cops give you a hard time.

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HeadshotJoe Patrice is an editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. Feel free to email any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on Twitter if you’re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news.

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