Joe Patrice

Posts by Joe Patrice

NFL_logo* NFL blackout rules will be a thing of the past on November 24. So just in time for all you rabid Rams fans to watch them play the Raiders. [CommLawBlog]

* Electing judges is so very stupid. [What About Clients?]

* OK, Alex Rich: it’s time to ditch document review and become a psychic. [Law and More]

* A tumblr of offensive stuff overheard at Yale Law. If these are true, then that place sounds horrible. [The YLS Offensive]

* Exactly where is the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge? It turns out the government doesn’t really even know. They’re looking to shift the border and possibly allow more oil drilling. [Breaking Energy]

* How to get your Biglaw career right from the beginning. [Medium]

An official Dominique Ansel "cronut."

An official Dominique Ansel ‘cronut.’

@DominiqueAnsel I am so sad I upset you, I started to cry & I immediately reached for a Kleenex… I mean paper facial tissue #NotACronut

Rounds Bakery, the self-described home of Reno’s best bagels, responding to a cease and desist letter from Dominique Ansel. Rounds had offered a hybrid croissant-doughnut and that sticks in Dominique Ansel’s craw as the registered trademark holder of the “Cronut.” What followed on Twitter was epic trolling by Rounds, listing every proprietary eponym they could think of.

ClementAfter John Oliver used dogs to create a recap of the Holt v. Hobbs argument, he asked other media outlets to use his raw footage in their own reporting. As much as we enjoyed the subsequent recreation of the entire Hobby Lobby argument with the aid of Oliver’s raw footage, this may be the ultimate realization of Oliver’s dream yet.

Rather than matching the audio of the whole argument uncut, these folks used the footage as part of an otherwise straight-up report on the Court’s shortcomings in addressing technological innovation. And included scenes like the Court’s back-and-forth about whether cutting-edge innovator Aereo operated “more like a car dealership or a valet service” but with the aid of Oliver’s dog footage. Check it out below….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “SCOTUS Dogs Don’t Understand Aereo Either”


Professor Hans von Puppet

Professor Hans von Puppet

My number one rule of lawyer advertising is to always avoid “old guy in suit in front of books,” but there are limits. And that limit falls somewhere beyond a dark Metallica tribute and somewhere around putting an ersatz Muppet in front of a camera to shill for a law firm.

Yes, this is a puppet. Promoting a law firm. Specifically, Professor Hans von Puppet.

What the holy hell?

I had to watch it a few times to convince myself I wasn’t having an acid trip. Or watching some high-concept sitcom.

With all the hubbub over cigarette companies advertising to kids, where was the outrage over a law firm making lawyering look fun?

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Law Firm Uses Puppet As Pitchman And This Feels Like An Acid Trip”

John Roberts Chief Justice John Roberts* Does Chief Justice Roberts care enough about avoiding the appearance of partisanship that he’ll sink challenges to Obamacare? [Huffington Post]

* Wow. In 1938, they arrested a woman for wearing pants to court. [LA Times]

* LSAT takers were down AGAIN. It’s now down more than 40 percent since 2009. Maybe someday soon it really will be a good time to “Apply to Law School Now!” [Excess of Democracy]

* Don’t go to jail in Alabama. Just a general rule. [Mother Jones]

* Interesting. LexisNexis is partnering with Microsoft to create a cloud-based system for small law firms. [PR Web]

* The remains of famed athlete Jim Thorpe will remain in the Pennsylvania town where he was buried, ruled Judge Richard Caputo. His family wanted the remains returned to his birthplace. Even in death this guy is getting jerked around. [Associated Press via ABC News]

* Speaking of sports, Oklahoma State is suing New Mexico State alleging that its mascot looks “confusingly similar” to OSU’s mascot. There are only so many ways to depict a cowboy. Compare and contrast. [The Chronicle of Higher Education]

* Man Okie State is litigious all of a sudden. Oklahoma State is suing the University of Texas for poaching the former Cowboys Offensive Line coach to be the Longhorns’ Offensive Coordinator. I can see the deposition now. Imagined transcript after the jump…. [ESPN]

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Non-Sequiturs: 10.23.14″

sexual-harassmentWe can argue the finer points of what is and is not sexual harassment around here, but there’s some behavior that we can all agree on. Like begging an employee for sex 78 times in an hour, or on average once every 46 seconds. Frankly, you’ve got to credit his ability to make the most of a billable hour.

We wrote about this earlier this year, when he was first slapped with a $100,000 fine and eight-month suspension for not only badgering the woman for sex, but also secretly filming her around the office. On those facts alone, it seemed like he might have deserved a longer timeout.

Now an appeals panel has reduced his suspension to a mere two months and it turns out his surreptitious recordings actually helped him….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Lawyer Gets Off After Begging Employee For Sex 78 Times In An Hour”

41YtD+ApH+L* A Saul Goodman Bobblehead. You know you want it. [Amazon (affiliate link)]

* It looks like that Jimmy John’s non-compete agreement we reported on is going to spawn a congressional inquiry. [Huffington Post]

* His dreams of becoming a solicitor were sidetracked when he was “jailed for slapping a sleeping woman in the face with his penis while a friend filmed it on his phone.” Well, yeah that’ll happen. [Daily Mail]

* A bunch of Blackwater guys got convicted. It did astoundingly little to fix the “hiring unsupervised mercenaries” thing. [Redline]

* The final report, drafted by Cadwalader, reveals that UNC’s African and Afro-American Studies department was basically a sham to keep athletes academically eligible. For almost 20 years. I don’t get it, I mean, UNC wasn’t even good for most of those years. [Deadspin]

* Apparently it’s frowned upon for prospective judges to say that someone “would prefer to see [my opponent] remain on the bench since [she] would allow him to have unsupervised visits with his own daughter, in spite of the evidence.” Good to know. [The Times-Picayune]

* Bob Ambrogi interviews David Lat about lawyers and social media. [Legal Talk Network]

* Hey NYC law community! The Young Professionals Leadership Council is throwing a prom at 230 Fifth to raise money to cure Cystic Fibrosis. So break out your formal wear and try to get through this prom without puking out of a limo window. All for a good cause. [Cystic Fibrosis Foundation]

* Former Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee passed away yesterday. Bradlee may be most famous for his role in pursuing Watergate, but fighting the Pentagon Papers case all the way to the Supreme Court helped shape First Amendment law in the latter half of the 20th century. [What About Clients?]

crazy ice cream manWhen the caption is “Motion To Dismiss This Bulls**t” (sans the wussyterisks we are forced to employ at ATL for certain words to protect your virgin eyeballs) you know you’ve got a winning motion. A pro se defendant felt compelled by circumstance to file a motion to dismiss for lack of personal jurisdiction. On some level you’ve got to feel for the guy because “bulls**t” is how the judicial system feels to the average bloke.

On another, more accurate level, you’ve got to sit back and revel in the 7 pages of unfiltered brilliance spewing forth from an unhappy pro se defendant….

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Unhinged Pro Se Filing Of The Day”

Alito* That didn’t take long. John Oliver’s Supreme Court dogs have already been used to recreate Hobby Lobby. The entire Hobby Lobby argument. [Above the Law]

* Squire Patton Boggs is representing the pharmaceutical company promoting Ebola drugs. Or, as CNN would put it, EVERYONE AT SQUIRE PATTON BOGGS HAS EBOLA!!!! [Law and More]

* China Central Television advises citizens not to name themselves “Lawyer.” Good advice. [CCTV News]

* Slate posits that appealing gay marriage decisions to the Supreme Court may violate Rule 11. They’re wrong, but that’s what they’re positing. [Slate]

* Dr. Ruth is incredibly impressive. Next time you complain about the job market, try moving somewhere with no understanding of the language and getting your own TV show. [What About Clients?]

* Documentary about eDiscovery going on a six-city tour. This way other people can understand how much it sucks to do document review. [Bloomberg BNA]

* UC Hastings students are protesting their own graduation. [Change.org]

* Judges are an autocratic lot, and as long as we inflate the criminal justice system, many of them will be subpar and autocratic, which is an unfortunate combination. [Katz Justice]

* A man arrested for a carjacking and shooting up an apartment last week is — per our sources — a law student at Florida Coastal. Probably testing out the Crim issue spotter. [News4Jax]

* Are lawyers the new dentists? Or something like that. [TaxProf Blog]

* Man attempting suicide by cop told detectives he’d wanted to be killed and was disappointed in the officers’ marksmanship. [Seattle Times]

aging_ghost

[Plaintiff alleges he was extorted out of $90,000 on threat of] the defendant using the souls of the baby ghosts in the possession or control of the defendant to curse the plaintiff if he did not provide the funds.

– The complaint of Jian Liang Hu, filed in British Columbia by lawyer Mark B. Thompson. Jian claims he was blackmailed by spooky dead babies. I’d like to think dead baby souls have more on their agenda than settling scores for unscrupulous businesspeople. Like watching Frozen 10 times a day like live babies do.

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