Joe Patrice

Joe Patrice joined Above the Law in 2013. Joe received a degree in Economics and Political Science from the University of Oregon and a J.D. from the NYU School of Law. From 2001, he worked as a litigator for both Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton and Lankler Siffert & Wohl, representing a variety of individuals, institutions, and foreign sovereigns in criminal and civil matters. Joe left legal practice in 2012 to pursue writing, contributing to numerous publications, including ATL, before joining the full-time staff.

Posts by Joe Patrice

  • 432px-Target_logo.svg

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.22.15

    Ed. note: Above the Law will not be publishing on Monday, May 25, in observance of the Memorial Day holiday.

    * The settlement deal between Target and Mastercard over the 2013 data breach is dead after failing to garner the requisite issuer support. Proposed settlement: $19 million. Years of protracted litigation: Priceless. [Credit Union Times]

    * High school teacher who admitted she and another teacher had a threesome with a 16-year-old student got off — well, legally — with a slap on the wrist. Folks are starting to wonder if her dad being a sitting district judge had anything to do with that. [Times-Picayune]

    * On a similar note, Mama June of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo… fame? Is she famous? Whatever. The point is Mama June is toying with suing the TLC Network because they canceled her show over a child molester, but haven’t nuked 19 Kids and Counting in the wake of its brewing molestation scandal. When you consider these hit shows starring inbred hillbillies with molestation issues, remember that TLC stands for “The Learning Channel.” [TMZ]

    * Lawmakers pushing back against Governor Cuomo’s proposal to appoint an independent monitor to investigate police-related civilian killings. One skeptical State Senator proclaims, “What I do know is that it treats police officers different than other citizens.” Yes, because right now the police get the same kid gloves grand jury presentations the rest of us do. [Capital New York]

    * Texas prosecuted 115,782 truancies in a year, levying hefty fines and doling out jail time to kids as young as 12. Well hello there prison-industrial complex! [Al Jazeera America]

    * Are the Yankees and A-Rod gearing up for arbitration… or settlement? I don’t know, why wouldn’t you want to put a warm, likeable guy like him in front of a panel? [Concurring Opinions]

    * Judges must be the loneliest people on social media… [The Daily Record]

    * Merely complaining to your boss is enough to trigger anti-retaliation provisions according to the Second Circuit. So feel free to call up that partner you hate… [JD Supra]

    21 Comments / / May 22, 2015 at 2:02 PM
  • Stock photos... where law firm diversity lives!

    Biglaw

    Top 100 Law Firms For Minority Attorneys

    Law360 just released its comprehensive study of minorities in the law, collecting data from nearly 300 firms, and the findings are predictably grim.

    14 Comments / / May 22, 2015 at 10:03 AM
  • Preet Bharara

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.21.15

    * Preet Bharara is the hottest speaker on the law school graduation circuit. I guess if you can’t get Mindy Kaling… [Business Insider]

    * An octopus is a vertebrate under some statutes. A reminder that law will not bow to your precious “science.” [Lowering the Bar]

    * It’s tempting to feast on the carcass of a collapsing law firm, but partners should take this advice before rushing into a lateral hire. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA ]

    * The importance of not looking like a creep in front of a jury. [What About Clients?]

    * Boy Scouts Prez Robert Gates thinks it’s time that the organization lift its ban on gays. In other news, Robert Gates is the president of the Boy Scouts now? [Minneapolis Star-Tribune]

    * Too often disasters slip out of our consciousness before the problem is truly solved. In that vein, consider donating to Nepal Earthquake relief. [Help Nepal Network]

    * Judge Richard Kopf reviews Mark Herrmann’s book, Inside Straight (affiliate link). [Hercules and the Umpire]

    6 Comments / / May 21, 2015 at 4:59 PM
  • Brazilian businessman wearing suit and tie in stress covering his ears with fingers hoping for noise to stop

    Biglaw

    Why Are D.C. Lawyers Such Frigging Babies?

    Which law firm called THE SECRET SERVICE to file a damn noise complaint?

    34 Comments / / May 21, 2015 at 3:03 PM
  • The holy grail of trivia championships

    Events

    Spend An Evening Drinking And Answering Questions

    Don’t miss out on food, drinks, and prizes at our upcoming NY trivia event!

    8 Comments / / May 21, 2015 at 2:29 PM
  • Court Reporting Stenograph

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.20.15

    * Judge settles sexual harassment case brought against him by his former court reporter for $744,000. Why would you ever harass a court reporter? It’s not “he said-she said” when she’s got a verbatim transcript. [Missoulian]

    * Elizabeth Wurtzel talks about Biglaw inefficiencies. Branding the billable hour “inefficient” may not be earth-shattering commentary, but it’s Elizabeth Wurtzel, so maybe Salon will pick it up or something. Then we’ve really got the ball rolling. [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA]

    * Teacher eats live hamster in front of children to teach them “how dear life is.” Makes sense. [Legal Juice]

    * Uncle Sam. Always wanting to go in the backdoor. [LXBN]

    * College sued over forced vaginal examinations. Ummm… what? [CNN]

    * Vermont has banned litigation financing for a year. Was there some compelling reason? Nope, businesses just told the legislature that letting people bring merited claims would be “bad” so they banned it. DEMOCRACY! [LFC 360]

    * Crowdfunding police abuse lawsuits. You may have seen their ads running 24/7 on cable news a few weeks ago. Oh, wait, that wasn’t an ad? [KPCC]

    * What do this elderly couple in Seattle and Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. have in common? [Seattle Times]

    * Yale asked some of its graduates to go on camera and explain what they’ll be doing after graduation. Their answers may vary from those at the Florida Coastal graduation.

    https://vimeo.com/128271168

    10 Comments / / May 20, 2015 at 5:05 PM
  • Stuffed_animal_toy

    Public Interest

    Defendant Brings Stuffed Animal To Court — To Be His Lawyer

    It starts as the story of a stupid stunt, but in the end his stuffed animal teaches us something important about the legal system.

    0 Comments / / May 20, 2015 at 3:26 PM
  • "Have you been misled by a disreputable Tribble dealer?"

    Lawyer Advertising

    Captain Kirk Stars In Local Law Firm Ad

    To boldly go where no man…ufacturer negligence suit has gone before.

    13 Comments / / May 20, 2015 at 12:56 PM
  • "Oh, I see! You were just joking about defiling my daughters. How droll."

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.19.15

    * Yeah he told a client he’d waive his legal fees “in exchange for a sexual encounter with Client and her daughters” (emphasis added), but you know, he was “just teasing.” [Legal Profession Blog]

    * Hipster lawyers. Seriously. That’s how they market themselves. Their office is even a repurposed factory. They’re in LA now, but you know they’re just dying to move to Portland. [LA Weekly]

    * Are you following these Biglaw managing partners on Twitter? Because LOL totally RT worthy. [Bloomberg BNA / Big Law Business]

    * Three Wisconsin Supreme Court justices skipped out on Marquette’s swearing in ceremony. One more development in the ongoing bats**t insane happenings on that court that previously included “[conservative Justice] Prosser put his hands on the neck of [liberal Justicee] Bradley in front of four of the other justices as they argued about a case.” [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]

    * I get called out for being clickbaity. But I’m really just indirectly teaching lawyers lessons in marketing they really should learn. [Law and More]

    * What would an interview with Tom Brady about Deflategate look like? [Coverage Opinions]

    * Bloomberg BNA introduced a new corporate deal drafting product. My eyes just glazed over, but I was a litigator. [Dewey B. Strategic]

    * President Obama’s immigration executive action should have kicked in today. It didn’t because the Fifth Circuit are a bunch of layabouts. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

    * The Irish same-sex marriage referendum hit a snag when someone realized the Irish language version would probably render heterosexual marriages unconstitutional. If you can’t write a neutral version of the law without encountering this problem… kind of proves a point, doesn’t it? [The Irish Times]

    * R.I.P. Bob Foster, former dean of University of South Carolina School of Law . [The State]

    9 Comments / / May 19, 2015 at 4:59 PM
  • money mouse trap

    Biglaw, Job Searches

    Which Law Firm Is Cynically Screwing Over Its Associates?

    There’s a firm out there that announces raises for rising associate classes effective January 1, but doesn’t actually pay them their new salary until July.

    20 Comments / / May 19, 2015 at 3:48 PM
  • Howard_cosell_1975

    Celebrities

    Did You Know These 10 Famous People Were Also Lawyers?

    Howard Cosell was on law review?

    11 Comments / / May 18, 2015 at 5:31 PM
  • uber-300x260

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.18.15

    * Uber is building a 70-lawyer in-house group. Constantly going to outside counsel got too spendy after partners instituted surge pricing on all billable hours over 80/week. [Law and More]

    * Justice Ginsburg presided over a same-sex wedding yesterday. Could she have tipped her hand on the upcoming marriage equality decisions by consistently emphasizing the word “Constitution”? The article begins: “The groom and groom strolled down the aisle to the mellow strains of ‘Mr. Sandman.'” The first time I read that I thought it said, “Enter Sandman,” which, admit it, would be a much cooler wedding song. [New York Times]

    * Professor Rick Hasen, for one, thinks that might be exactly what RBG just did, noting her history of offering sly hints about the outcomes of unannounced decisions. [Election Law Blog]

    * Is there a legal solution to save Charleston Law? That’s interesting, but the bigger takeaway from this piece is that one of the board members actually left the stage during commencement after the invocation denounced greed. You cannot make this stuff up. [Post and Courier]

    * Those pesky nuns. [Lowering the Bar]

    * Stanford’s student commencement speaker crowdsourced her speech. It was all going along fine until the 3 minutes segment where she just yelled, “Baba Booey” over and over again. [Forbes]

    * California releases its February bar exam results. The only thing in California lower than those passage rates are the reservoirs, amiright? [Bar Exam Stats]

    * Richard Hsu talks with Henry Bushkin, Johnny Carson’s lawyer and the author of a new book about the late “King of Late Night.” [Hsu Untied]

    * Happy birthday to Professor Joseph Crea of Brooklyn Law School who celebrates his 100th birthday today at the school. [SF Gate]

    17 Comments / / May 18, 2015 at 5:01 PM
  • mm_end_frame-0-1280-0-1024

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.15.15

    * “What Law Firms Can Learn From the Business Decisions of ‘Mad Men.'” I’m hoping the answer is “more drinking on the job.” [Legal Times]

    * Hillary Clinton pledges to nominate SCOTUS justices who will overturn Citizens United. And if you agree with her, she’ll gladly accept your unlimited donations to her *wink* unaffiliated SuperPAC. [Jezebel]

    * Seema Iyer talks about one of our favorite recent cases, Driskell v. Homosexuals. [MSNBC]

    * Sometimes getting fired can be a positive. As they say the Chinese word for crisis contains the word “opportunity.” Crisitunity. [Wisconsin Lawyer]

    * A great detailed piece on California’s recent decision to grant a law license to Hong Yen Chang, the Columbia Law grad denied his license over 100 years ago on the grounds of his “Mongolian nativity.” [Bloomberg BNA / Big Law Business]

    * Bad: Being wrongfully convicted. Worse: The system strong-arming the wronged into signing away their right to compensation. [LFC 360]

    * Should graduate students and adjuncts unionize? Depends. Do they want to be exploited by an unappreciative institution until their souls are sucked dry? Yes? Then no. [New York Times]

    * Sen. Toomey wants Judge L. Felipe Restrepo on the Third Circuit. Maybe he should start talking to his obstructionist colleagues instead of whining to the paper. [Constitutional Accountability Center]

    * PacerPro to automatically retrieve documents referenced in notices of electronic filing from PACER. That can help cut down on some mistakes… eh, Sidley Austin? [Law Sites]

    * Thompson Reuters has a new social network for small law firms. For every post, users can push a little “thumbs up” icon to express, “I [and my successors, assigns, and heirs of my body, indicate my generally warm feelings, reserving all rights to reverse or withdraw this endorsement at any time for any reason whatsoever notwithstanding any prior representations] This!” [Legal Research & Writing Pro]

    * The 2015 World Championship BBQ Cooking Contest in Memphis is this weekend. How does that relate to ATL? Bob Cornish, a D.C.-based attorney at Phillips Lytle LLP and a trained and certified expert in BBQ is a judge. [Memphis In May]

    8 Comments / / May 15, 2015 at 5:17 PM
  • fail failure

    Law Schools, Sports

    Watch A Thomas M. Cooley Grad Fail On National Television

    How many Cooley alumni can you name? One will be all over TV for the next week or so.

    25 Comments / / May 15, 2015 at 3:53 PM
  • Photo by ProfReader

    Law Schools

    Charleston Faculty Pen Blistering Indictment Of Management

    Yesterday we learned that the CSOL Board believes it’s the responsibility of faculty to save the school. The faculty

    17 Comments / / May 15, 2015 at 12:33 PM
  • angry handcuffs

    Contempt

    Anatomy Of A Contempt — Just Keep Telling The Judge To F**k Himself

    Defendants can get a little salty after sentencing. This one got slapped with an extra 5 years in the slammer for his outbursts.

    19 Comments / / May 14, 2015 at 5:28 PM
  • "I told them not to fill the balls with Helium!" (Photo by Keith Allison via Flickr)

    Non-Sequiturs

    Non-Sequiturs: 05.14.15

    * The NFLPA is appealing the 4-game suspension Tom Brady received in the wake of the Wells Report. It’s more probable than not that he’ll lose. [CNN]

    * Lawyer tackles his own client trying to flee the courtroom. Great, now litigators have to start worrying about the long-term effect of concussions. [Legal Cheek]

    * New rankings are out and Thomas M. Cooley Law School (or WMU or whatever) is NUMBER 1! Seriously. For real. Find out why… [Georgetown Law via TaxProf Blog]

    * The Wright Brothers: The Original Patent Trolls. [Concurring Opinions]

    * Are you into spy thrillers? What about lengthy treatises on standing? Well, then you’re in luck. [Dorf on Law]

    * A Washington prosecutorial office rocked by misconduct allegations. Ho hum, prosecutors break the rules. But the source — a whistleblowing veteran prosecutor — is a new twist. [The Open File]

    * The jury is deliberating on Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s fate in the Boston bombing trial [Law and More]

    * The final two items both focus on agricultural regulations. First, a look back at the life of Roscoe Filburn, the wheat farmer at the center of Wickard v. Filburn. Now I’ll never not see Homer Simpson when I think of that case. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

    * Second, if you aren’t following the raisins takings case, basically the government takes a share of the annual raisin crop for its own use… without compensating the growers. Put aside the constitutionality, that’s startlingly inefficient when the government encourages farmers to shift away from a crop the government needs. Here’s a video about the farmers at the center of the case. [YouTube]

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFbzLPJtYPE

    3 Comments / / May 14, 2015 at 5:18 PM
  • This fried chicken is from Popeye's, but you get the point.

    Biglaw, Food

    Will Biglaw Sue This Restaurant Out Of Existence?

    After dispensing with its previous neighbor, a Biglaw firm hopes for better relations with the new restaurant downstairs.

    10 Comments / / May 14, 2015 at 2:08 PM