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pls hndle copy 2.jpgDear ATL -

I haven’t seen anybody commenting about this but I know for a fact I’m not the only one. I was recently laid off by my firm in a stealth layoff. Of course they said it was my “performance,” but that is complete bulls*** because they’ve never complained about me before and I made my hours this year. A bunch of other attorneys were also laid off at the same time – all “performance based.” I am terrified that I won’t be able to get a job anywhere, because no place is hiring and no place is going to hire an attorney who was fired for (false) reasons. What should I do?

Fired and Scared

Dear Fired and Scared,

Pack a suitcase. Walk toward the nearest window. Open the window. Jump out.

Just kidding. Don’t do that. Seriously.

Your first order of business should be to call up people at your old firm and secure professional references. If you really did good work, that shouldn’t be a problem. If a prospective firm asks you what happened, tell them the truth: that your termination was part of a bunch of allegedly performance-based layoffs, and that you cannot speak for anybody else who got fired, but that the circumstances surrounding your departure were puzzling at best and that you are happy to provide PLENTY of references and other confirmation that you did solid work and met your hours. Finally, if you’re anything like me, sob softly in the shower.

I feel your pain – yours is an unenviable situation and if in fact your firm was using a bogus review as a scapegoat to save face or be cheap, that is deplorable. Listen up, firms: IT IS NOT OK TO SABOTAGE ASSOCIATE CAREERS JUST TO CLAIM THAT YOUR FIRM DOESN’T “DO” LAYOFFS OR TO SAVE MONEY ON SEVERANCE PACKAGES. While firms might think that they can get away with it now, we’ll see what God thinks about all this, because FYI he’s watching. And so is Santa.

Good luck and have a happy Thanksgiving!

Your friend,

Marin

Elie solves the problems of the economy after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx:
Tommy Used to Work on the Docks”

DaddyPapa.jpg* They can’t marry, but gays can finally have kids in Florida. Circuit Judge Cindy S. Lederman overturns Florida’s 31-year-old law banning child adoption by gays. [CNN]

* The family of murdered D.C. lawyer Robert Wone sues the men in the house where he died. Arent Fox partner Joe Price and two others are the target of the $20 million wrongful death suit. [Legal Times]

* Jury nears decision on computer fraud charges against Lori Drew, the cyberbully MySpace mom. [Wired]

* Before U.S. AG Mukasey collapsed at the Federalist Society event, he had a heckler. Washington State Supreme Court Justice Richard Sanders has owned up to yelling, “Tyrant! You are a tyrant!” while Mukasey discussed anti-terrorism policy. [The Olympian]

* Bad paralegal! She stole $200,000 from the estate of a Duke professor being administered by Charlotte law firm, Parker, Poe, Adams and Bernstein. [WRAL].

* “Don’t tase me because of B.O.” Chicago citizens sue nine police officers for tasering and pepper spraying them as they celebrated Obama’s victory on Election Night. [Courthouse News Service]

* Dec. 2. New York. Lat. Elie. Kash. Marin. Drinks. Sponsored by Major, Lindsey & Africa. [Above The Law]

qlrace.jpgCompleted Your Firm’s U.S. News Survey Yet?

Reward Schools that Prepare Students Well for Practice

For more, see www.racetothetoplaw.com.

Robot associate can no longer afford clothes.JPG* Brian Leiter corrects the record about Richard Epstein. [Law School Reports]

* Did you know that there was a Proposition 9 in California? With all these voter referendums, could somebody please explain again why California even bothers to have a state legislature? [Johnny California]

* A clients caring (about bonuses) roundup. [f/k/a]

* There’s an argument that law firms should double the bonuses from what were given last year. It’s not a good argument. But hey, until some firm steps up to stop the bleeding (please save us S&C) I choose to grasp at the elusive straw. [Law and More]

* How nerdy do you have to be to refer to lawyers as “non-nerdy?” I mean, at that point are you rolling at 1d10 to see if you can “score” with that woman at the bar? [Topless Robot]

Breathalyzer.JPGAccording to Connecticut DUI lawyer James O. Ruane, I can’t breathe as well as white people. Based on this “analysis” Ruane has determined that the breathalyzer is a racist device.

Really. I’m not making that up. Ruane represents a black man who got busted for drunk driving:

A breath analysis administered at state police Troop G in Bridgeport found Brown had a blood-alcohol content of 0.188. The legal limit is 0.08.

In a motion filed Tuesday in Superior Court, Ruane asked a judge to suppress his client’s breathalyzer test results, contending the device used by the state police, and most other local police departments, the Intoxilyzer 5000, discriminates against blacks. Brown is an African-American.

I’m all for zealous defense of your clients, but I don’t see why you have to insult thinking people of all colors to make that defense. But Ruane argued:

[T]he lung capacity of a black man is 3 percent smaller than a white man and, therefore, black men’s test results vary from the sobriety standard set by the device.

He said Dr. Michael Hlastala, a lung physiologist at the University of Washington, examined research of other lung physiologists and, based on his studies, has determined the Intoxilyzer 5000 does not effectively test the blood-alcohol content of black men.

“He looked at all the research and came up with the bigger picture and found the common thread,” he said.

Mmm … blanket generalizations about an entire people. I wonder what Michael Jordan’s lung capacity is as compared to Alan Dershowitz?

Ruane gets more crazy after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Racist Breathalyzer?”

Jessica Cutler Washingtonienne Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpgFormer Capitol Hill staffer/sex blogger/author/bankrupt babe Jessica Cutler has taken a husband. According to the Washington Post:

Jessica Cutler, 30, the Hill aide turned “Washingtonienne” sex blogger turned author, to Manhattan lawyer Charles Rubio, 28. … The couple plan to wed at New York City Hall on an early December weekday, followed by a happy-hour reception. (Not pregnant, in case you’re wondering.) How’d they meet? “Randomly in a bar,” Cutler told us. “I wish I had a more romantic story to tell you!”

Isn’t that always the way? You write stories about the exciting escapades of others while you yourself marry a lawyer you met in a bar. Yawn.

The lucky man after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Sex Blogger Finds Love At Milbank”

Gleaming tower of cars.JPGAre we going to have a domestic auto manufacturing industry in 2009? Nobody knows. But just in case the government doesn’t bail out Detroit, law firms are jockeying to work on the bankruptcy.

AmLaw Daily reports that three firms are the early favorites to capture the bankruptcy work: Weil, Gotshal & Manges, Kirkland & Ellis, and Skadden.

Timothy Pohl, part of Skadden’s ruling class, sounds confident that his firm is in the running:

Pohl says Skadden has historically done work for former Chrylser owner Daimler, which sold 80 percent of Chrysler to private equity firm Cerberus Capital Management in 2007 for $7.4 billion. Skadden also does work for Ford, says Pohl, adding that the firm has yet to be contacted by either automaker.

“I’m not convinced that any [of the Big Three] are hiring advisers yet,” Pohl says. “But between us, Kirkland, and Weil, I’d say that the three of us have the largest [bankruptcy and restructuring] groups with a big falloff after that.”

Obviously both Skadden and Kirkland have the chops to handle the work, but isn’t the real question “Why not Weil?”

It’s uncertain whether a potential Big Three bankruptcy might present a similar problem for Weil–and how the firm would manage to juggle its Lehman, Lenox, and other client obligations in the event of such a resource-draining retention. That’s especially true given that it’s unclear whether a potential Big Three filing would proceed on a liquidation track (a la Lehman) or as an infinitely more complicated corporate restructuring.

At some point, Weil has to run out of bankruptcy lawyers. Right?

On Kirkland, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “If the Big Three Fall, Which Law Firms Rise?”

bic layoffs no offers.jpgIs there a pattern developing in Pittsburgh? A few weeks ago we reported that K&L Gates laid off a number of staff. Today, Gina Passarella of the Legal Intelligencer reports that another Pittsburgh powerhouse, Buchanan Ingersoll & Rooney, laid off between 15 and 25 support staffers.

Buchanan Ingersoll CEO Thomas L. VanKirk confirmed the cuts. But in a move that makes a mockery of the English language, VanKirk refused to call the layoffs, “layoffs.” Instead:

VanKirk said that the cuts were not layoffs, but that the positions were being eliminated in order for the firm to get more in line with its goal of a 3-1 lawyer-to-secretary ratio.

???

Here are some links for Mr. VanKirk, provided free of charge:

Layoff

Layoff

Layoffs

And of course: Layoff

Did your employees want to continue working at your firm? Are they currently allowed to do so? Do you have the slightest idea of what a moral and ethical principle is? Do you?

Having destroyed his own credibility, let’s see what else Mr. VanKirk has to say — after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Staff Layoffs at Buchanan Ingersoll & Rooney”

Back in the Halcyon days of 2007, when banks existed and Charlotte was a “secondary market,” Cadwalader was having public picnics (instead of executions). Below is an example of the swag they offered:

Cadwalader swag front.JPG

Oh yes, Capital Markets did have a field day. Now Cadwalader says this about its Capital Markets practice:

The difficult economic environment and the severe dislocations in markets worldwide present unique opportunities, challenges and issues regarding fixed income securities, structured finance, synthetic, and hybrid products, whole loans, and derivatives. Now, more than ever, financial market participants need legal advisors with the knowledge and expertise to navigate the complex array of contractual rights, financial structures, and bankruptcy and regulatory issues associated with such financial instruments.

Well that’s a positive spin on a field of legal work that no longer exists. But hey, they’re Cadwalader. And you know what the firm motto was (from the other side of the T-shirt):

Cadwalader swag back.JPG

Cadwalader is a firm you can count on from the cradle to the grave (disclaimer: time and placement of the grave may not be of your own choosing). Our tipster reports:

This is a t-shirt (front & back) from Cadwalader (Charlotte)ʼs 2007 Capital Markets summer picnic. It is a size 3 toddler which makes it even more hysterical/ironic/classic.

There’s got to be more stuff like this floating around out there. Please send us your “ironic” firm swag to tips@abovethelaw.com.

Earlier: Law Firm Offer Swag: What Did You Get?

law firm associate bonus watch 2008 biglaw bonuses.jpgAs 7th year associates at Half-Skadden and Skadden-Mart come to grips with the fact that they will be getting a smaller bonus than 1st years at Skadden, let’s take a look at a curious article that came out on November 20th. The same day Cravath announced their reduced bonuses (and threatened their people about 2009) Chairman Chesler spoke to American Lawyer:

Evan Chesler, the presiding partner of Cravath Swaine & Moore, stresses that firms do not need lots of offices to be diversified. “It is too easy to confuse geography with geographic reach,” he says. “It is not the same thing.” …

Although Cravath has just one small outpost in London, the firm is highly diversified, Chesler maintains. “We certainly do Wall Street work, but we always have done work for companies not on Wall Street, companies that make things and are located all around the world, and will continue to do so.”

Apparently, for Chesler “it is too easy to confuse” words with deeds. Either the firm is diversified and is in a good position to weather this economic storm, or it is not. I’m sure that Chesler’s employees do not really appreciate Chesler running around publicly talking about the health of the firm, on the same day he sends around internal memos warning:

[A]ssociates should be prepared for the likelihood that the economy and the Firm’s financial performance next year will not show a significant improvement over this year and they may receive significantly reduced or no year-end bonuses next year.

If you want to criticize Cravath associates, don’t call them “greedy and entitled,” instead call them “foolish” for believing their own management. Believing their own firm is a mistake I’m sure most Cravath associates will not make again.

After the jump, guess who else was talking.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Cravath & Simpson & Mixed Messages”

Eric Holder

* Covington & Burling’s Eric Holder is now definite as Obama’s choice for Attorney General. Look out for the official announcement after Thanksgiving. [Politico]

* Former Hunton & Williams partner Emerson Briggs gets 70 months in federal prison for doing very bad things with his firm laptop. [Legal Times]

* California AG Jerry Brown is doing what he can for the pocketbooks of Walmart shoppers. Look out for a $3 discount near you. [Business Week]

* What year is this? “Judge rules that suspects cannot be detained because of ethnicity.” Thanks to Judge Frederic Block, now it’s okay to be Egyptian on a plane. [New York Times]

* Considering a lateral move? Ask the tough financial questions first. [The Recorder]

* Exxon Shipping, Footnote 17. It’s so hot right now. [New York Times]

* New Yorkers, join the ATL editors for drinks and merriment on Dec. 2, courtesy of Major, Lindsey & Africa. [Above The Law]

Bush pardons turkey.JPGAmid all of the wailing and gnashing about who President Bush might pardon during his last days in office, today’s grant of 14 requests failed to live up to any of the hype. The New York Times reports:

Mr. Bush has been relatively sparing in his use of pardons compared to past presidents, and the latest round of actions continued that pattern. …

Those issued reprieves had been found guilty of mostly garden-variety offenses, like Leslie O. Collier, who was issued a pardon for a 1996 conviction for the unauthorized use of a pesticide in killing bald eagles. Others receiving pardons had been convicted, among other offenses, for income tax evasion, unauthorized acquisition of food stamps, drug offenses and bank embezzlement.

“Stars” such as Michael Milken and Marion Jones (two people whom I never thought would be in the same sentence) have applied for Presidential pardons, but they continue to wait. Meanwhile, there has been a growing worry that Bush would pardon every counter-terrorism official in the land (for crimes not yet made criminal), but that massive Constitutional crisis issue will have to wait for another day.

In the meantime, Bush’s use of the pardon power continues to be more conservative and less objectionable than his predecessors.

… So that makes two sentences I never thought I’d write.

Bush Issues 14 Pardons and Commutes 2 Sentences [NYT]

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