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[Ed Note: Our thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by the tragedies in Mumbai yesterday. The events are just another reason to be thankful for what you have this holiday season.]

Holiday turkey dog.JPGIf you’re working today — I’m so sorry. But ATL is with you, even though I’m still reeling from being RickRolled by Santa Claus and Macy’s.

If there are Half-Skadden or Skadden-Mart associates working hard over Thanksgiving weekend, I admire your professional commitment. For the rest of Biglaw associates spending Thanksgiving chained to a BlackBerry, I hope your work is rewarded.

But while we wait for additional firms to announce bonuses, we’ve gotten some additional information about another Biglaw “perk,” holiday parties.

We’ve covered firms like Orrick that are scaling back on holiday festivities, and firms like Kaye Scholer that are going full speed ahead. Are holiday parties an early indication of which firms will be in the spirit of giving come bonus time? We don’t have good information about the holiday plans at Cravath or STB.

But we do at Skadden. A Skadden tipster gleefully reports:

[W]e were just told that the annual Holiday Party is on December 11. Aren’t most firms canceling parties?

I can only imagine that the tipster sent us the email and then took a gold-plated bath.

Another holiday announcement, after the jump.

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turkey.jpg[Ed. note: Happy Thanksgiving, ATL readers. We'll be posting sporadically today and tomorrow, as the spirit of the turkey moves us. Singles, if you've got holiday down time, check out ATL Courtship Connections.]

* MySpace cyberbully verdict. Lori Drew found guilty of three computer fraud misdemeanor charges, with deadlock on the conspiracy felony. [New York Times]

* Being an attorney won’t protect you from being tased. Tampa lawyer Carl Roland Hayes became irate and verbally abusive at a community board meeting, slapped an officer in the face, started fightin’ and flailin’, and then got the taser. Twice. [Tampa Tribune]

* “More legal work moves to India, including ‘sexy stuffs.” [Wall Street Journal Law Blog]

* U.S. District Court Judge Michael Mosman gives the death penalty to sea lions in Oregon. [Seattle Times]

* Heath Ledger “Law and Order” episode in the works. [Boston Herald]

champagne glasses small.jpg

If the photos of this week’s contestants look a little stiff, please understand that it’s because the NYT didn’t run pictures of any lawyer weddings this week, forcing us to Photoshop them from the attorneys’ firm bios. You’re welcome. And Happy Thanksgiving!

Here are this week’s Legal Eagle Wedding Watch finalists:

1. Elizabeth Raizes and Kayvan Sadeghi

2. Amy Stutius and Adam Slutsky

3. Sara Rubenstein and Yariv Ben-Ari

Read our assessment of these couples, after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Legal Eagle Wedding Watch 11.22: Big Red Heart”


pyramid scheme capstone small.jpg[Ed. Note: We'll be posting here and there over Thanksgiving. So check back in with us once Dad and Uncle Tommy start fighting over why we lost in 'Nam. Happy Thanksgiving!]

* The great Biglaw Pyramid is collapsing. Some people are actually pretty happy about this. [The Greatest American Lawyer]

* The firm United, States & America is still hiring. Here are some tips for landing the government job you could have scored straight out of law school. [BBLP via LexisHub]

* Blawg Review’s upcoming blue ribbon lineup. There’s not a turkey in sight.

[Blawg Review]

* Lawyers get laughs from the SCOTUS gallery. I bet there’s no bonus for that either. [Holy Hullabaloos]

* Outsourcing of legal work isn’t slowing down. I feel sorry for this year’s 1Ls. Next year’s 1Ls are just being silly. [WSJ Law Blog]

barbara orr.jpgThis story sounds like something written by Dr. Seuss, esquire. The city of Louisville, Ky., had planned to incorporate Seussian characters into its annual Christmas display this year. But the plans have been scrapped after receiving a cease-and-desist letter from DLA Piper’s Barbara Orr, who represents Seuss Enterprises.

From the Associated Press:

The city had planned to use “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” as part of its theme for the annual Light Up Louisville holiday celebration. The display called for an area called “LouWhoVille,” complete with costumed characters from the Dr. Seuss classic such as Cindy Lou Who and the Grinch…

The letter demanded the city and the Louisville Convention and Visitors’ Bureau halt any use of the characters for the Christmas display and agree not to use the characters in the future without permission. It threatened legal action if the city and tourism bureau did not comply.

The city is complying and renaming the display Lou-ville. “It appears these lawyers’ hearts are two sizes too small,” Louisville Mayor Jerry Abramson told the AP.

We say shame on Abramson for perpetuating small-hearted lawyer stereotypes, especially given that he’s a Georgetown Law grad.

Seuss lawyers stop holiday Who-ville in Louisville [Associated Press]

funny-pictures-kitten-has-a-happy.jpgOn this, the day before Thanksgiving, our ATL / Lateral Link survey ponders just how many of you are actually giving thanks.

Back in April, we reported that many (but not most) associates were in decent spirits:

  * 25.8% of respondents said their morale was “good.”

  * 11.5% said their morale was “great.”

  * And 3.3% of respondents thought their morale “couldn’t be better.”

But those were relatively light-hearted days, when Bear Stearns had only just collapsed, and Heller Ehrman and Thelen were still looking forward to their respective 119th and 85th birthdays.

Now that AIG and Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers have fallen, and various layoffs have unfolded, and a sobering half-Skadden bonus structure has spread to STB, how are you feeling today?

Update: This survey is closed. Click here to see the results.

Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this Associate Life Survey.

[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com]

pls hndle copy 2.jpgDear ATL –

I haven’t seen anybody commenting about this but I know for a fact I’m not the only one. I was recently laid off by my firm in a stealth layoff. Of course they said it was my “performance,” but that is complete bulls*** because they’ve never complained about me before and I made my hours this year. A bunch of other attorneys were also laid off at the same time – all “performance based.” I am terrified that I won’t be able to get a job anywhere, because no place is hiring and no place is going to hire an attorney who was fired for (false) reasons. What should I do?

Fired and Scared

Dear Fired and Scared,

Pack a suitcase. Walk toward the nearest window. Open the window. Jump out.

Just kidding. Don’t do that. Seriously.

Your first order of business should be to call up people at your old firm and secure professional references. If you really did good work, that shouldn’t be a problem. If a prospective firm asks you what happened, tell them the truth: that your termination was part of a bunch of allegedly performance-based layoffs, and that you cannot speak for anybody else who got fired, but that the circumstances surrounding your departure were puzzling at best and that you are happy to provide PLENTY of references and other confirmation that you did solid work and met your hours. Finally, if you’re anything like me, sob softly in the shower.

I feel your pain – yours is an unenviable situation and if in fact your firm was using a bogus review as a scapegoat to save face or be cheap, that is deplorable. Listen up, firms: IT IS NOT OK TO SABOTAGE ASSOCIATE CAREERS JUST TO CLAIM THAT YOUR FIRM DOESN’T “DO” LAYOFFS OR TO SAVE MONEY ON SEVERANCE PACKAGES. While firms might think that they can get away with it now, we’ll see what God thinks about all this, because FYI he’s watching. And so is Santa.

Good luck and have a happy Thanksgiving!

Your friend,

Marin

Elie solves the problems of the economy after the jump.

double red triangle arrows Continue reading “Pls Hndle Thx:
Tommy Used to Work on the Docks”

DaddyPapa.jpg* They can’t marry, but gays can finally have kids in Florida. Circuit Judge Cindy S. Lederman overturns Florida’s 31-year-old law banning child adoption by gays. [CNN]

* The family of murdered D.C. lawyer Robert Wone sues the men in the house where he died. Arent Fox partner Joe Price and two others are the target of the $20 million wrongful death suit. [Legal Times]

* Jury nears decision on computer fraud charges against Lori Drew, the cyberbully MySpace mom. [Wired]

* Before U.S. AG Mukasey collapsed at the Federalist Society event, he had a heckler. Washington State Supreme Court Justice Richard Sanders has owned up to yelling, “Tyrant! You are a tyrant!” while Mukasey discussed anti-terrorism policy. [The Olympian]

* Bad paralegal! She stole $200,000 from the estate of a Duke professor being administered by Charlotte law firm, Parker, Poe, Adams and Bernstein. [WRAL].

* “Don’t tase me because of B.O.” Chicago citizens sue nine police officers for tasering and pepper spraying them as they celebrated Obama’s victory on Election Night. [Courthouse News Service]

* Dec. 2. New York. Lat. Elie. Kash. Marin. Drinks. Sponsored by Major, Lindsey & Africa. [Above The Law]

qlrace.jpgCompleted Your Firm’s U.S. News Survey Yet?

Reward Schools that Prepare Students Well for Practice

For more, see www.racetothetoplaw.com.

Robot associate can no longer afford clothes.JPG* Brian Leiter corrects the record about Richard Epstein. [Law School Reports]

* Did you know that there was a Proposition 9 in California? With all these voter referendums, could somebody please explain again why California even bothers to have a state legislature? [Johnny California]

* A clients caring (about bonuses) roundup. [f/k/a]

* There’s an argument that law firms should double the bonuses from what were given last year. It’s not a good argument. But hey, until some firm steps up to stop the bleeding (please save us S&C) I choose to grasp at the elusive straw. [Law and More]

* How nerdy do you have to be to refer to lawyers as “non-nerdy?” I mean, at that point are you rolling at 1d10 to see if you can “score” with that woman at the bar? [Topless Robot]

Breathalyzer.JPGAccording to Connecticut DUI lawyer James O. Ruane, I can’t breathe as well as white people. Based on this “analysis” Ruane has determined that the breathalyzer is a racist device.

Really. I’m not making that up. Ruane represents a black man who got busted for drunk driving:

A breath analysis administered at state police Troop G in Bridgeport found Brown had a blood-alcohol content of 0.188. The legal limit is 0.08.

In a motion filed Tuesday in Superior Court, Ruane asked a judge to suppress his client’s breathalyzer test results, contending the device used by the state police, and most other local police departments, the Intoxilyzer 5000, discriminates against blacks. Brown is an African-American.

I’m all for zealous defense of your clients, but I don’t see why you have to insult thinking people of all colors to make that defense. But Ruane argued:

[T]he lung capacity of a black man is 3 percent smaller than a white man and, therefore, black men’s test results vary from the sobriety standard set by the device.

He said Dr. Michael Hlastala, a lung physiologist at the University of Washington, examined research of other lung physiologists and, based on his studies, has determined the Intoxilyzer 5000 does not effectively test the blood-alcohol content of black men.

“He looked at all the research and came up with the bigger picture and found the common thread,” he said.

Mmm … blanket generalizations about an entire people. I wonder what Michael Jordan’s lung capacity is as compared to Alan Dershowitz?

Ruane gets more crazy after the jump.

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Jessica Cutler Washingtonienne Abovethelaw Above the Law blog.jpgFormer Capitol Hill staffer/sex blogger/author/bankrupt babe Jessica Cutler has taken a husband. According to the Washington Post:

Jessica Cutler, 30, the Hill aide turned “Washingtonienne” sex blogger turned author, to Manhattan lawyer Charles Rubio, 28. … The couple plan to wed at New York City Hall on an early December weekday, followed by a happy-hour reception. (Not pregnant, in case you’re wondering.) How’d they meet? “Randomly in a bar,” Cutler told us. “I wish I had a more romantic story to tell you!”

Isn’t that always the way? You write stories about the exciting escapades of others while you yourself marry a lawyer you met in a bar. Yawn.

The lucky man after the jump.

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