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Benchslap: Judge Orders Local Attorney to ‘Re-Read … FRCP’

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Daytona Law.jpgDavid W. Glasser, a local attorney in Daytona Florida, received a major benchslap from U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell. It is short, it is sweet, and it appears entirely deserved. Here’s the order from the court. Glasser is the plaintiff’s lawyer:

This matter came before the Court without oral argument upon consideration of Plaintiff’s, Carolyn Nault (“Plaintiff”), Response to this Court’s Order and Motion for Voluntary Dismissal (collectively, the “Motion”) (Docs. 21 and 22). Upon review, it is
ORDERED that the Motion is DENIED without prejudice for failing to comply with
Local Rule 3.01(g), for failing to secure a stipulation of dismissal from Defendant pursuant to FED.R. CIV. 41(a)(ii), and for otherwise being riddled with unprofessional grammatical and typographical errors that nearly render the entire Motion incomprehensible.

Ouch.
Just for good measure, Judge Presnell also ordered Glasser to show the judge’s order to his client:

It is FURTHER ORDERED that Plaintiff’s counsel, David W. Glasser, shall re-read the
Local Rules and the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure in their entirety. Furthermore, Mr. Glasser shall personally hand deliver a copy of this Order, together with the Court’s exhibit attached thereto, to his client, Carolyn Nault, by no later than Monday, September 21, 2009. By no later than Wednesday, September 23, 2009, Mr. Glasser shall file with the Court a “Notice of Compliance,” certifying to the Court that he has fully complied with this Order.
DONE and ORDERED in Chambers, Orlando, Florida on September 15, 2009.

The “exhibit attached thereto” is presumably the judge’s corrected copy of Glasser’s memo. Let’s check it out after the jump.

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Legal Eagle Wedding Watch 9.13: Devine Inspiration

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champagne glasses small.jpg
Supreme Court clerks continue to flood the NYT wedding pages this month, creating grim LEWW odds for mere-mortal Cornell grads and Skadden associates. Like Troy playing Florida or North Texas playing Alabama, these folks are welcome to suit up, but the only question is how bad their whuppin’ is going to hurt.
Here are your three finalist couples for the week:

1. Rebecca Mancuso and Andrew Brunswick
2. Erin Gustafson and David Curtiss
3. Kathleen Devine and David Newman

Evaluate these newlyweds, after the jump.

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Sonnenschein Claims Paterson Crony

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David Paterson NY Gov Avi Schick 1.jpgBut for the state of Illinois, New York State would be receiving more national recognition for its state political situation. Even the President is embarrassed by the performance of New York Governor David Paterson.
Perhaps Paterson’s chances of beating Andrew Cuomo, or Rudolph Giuliani, or the Naked Cowboy are depressed because of stories like these. From the New York Post:

Gov. Paterson’s former economic-development czar, Avi Schick, stepped down from his post at the helm of the Empire State Development Corp. in January — but, astonishingly, continued to quietly draw his $213,000 annual salary for eight more months, The Post has learned.
Schick, who has close ties to Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, managed to hang on to his full salary — more than what the governor earns — in return for advising Paterson on lower Manhattan issues, said ESDC spokesman Warner Johnston.

In case you’re wondering, Sheldon Silver is essentially the most powerful state official left in New York State, owing to his ability to perform his duties at a basically competent level. That is a rarity in Albany.
But how did Avi Schick’s state salary become exposed? Details after the jump.

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Florida Bar Exam Results

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florida.jpgWe trumpeted the terrible performance turned in by the state of Florida on the February bar exam. So it’s only fair that we give you sunshine staters a chance to talk about the July bar exam. The results were posted today.

Bar results are out, all three major Florida college football teams are ranked in the Top 25 — it’s shaping up to be a pretty good week down there.

Bar Exam Results [Florida Supreme Court]

Earlier: What’s Up with the Flori-duh February Bar Exam?

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Deidre Dare Proposes Prostitution as a Layoff Solution?

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deirdre dare expat allen and overy.jpgDeidre Dare is one of our favorite laid-off lawyers. She was working in Russia for Allen & Overy, and decided to pen a salacious online novel about her expat adventures. The literary critics at A&O were not pleased with the novel, which featured lots of drinking, sex, drugs, donkeys, and dwarves.

After she lost her job at Allen & Overy, she sued the firm.

Dare’s still in Moscow, where she pens a column for the Moscow News called sExpat. Recently, she wrote that money is tight and that she’s considering various options to increase her cash flow. Among some of her proposals are robbing banks, becoming a jewel thief, blackmailing someone, or prostituting herself. From the Moscow News:

Now, when I decided to go into the law, I wanted to take an expensive preparatory course for the law school admissions test. At the time, I was suffering severe “cash flow problems” and I asked my father to pay for the course, which he refused to do, considering it a waste of money.
So, in order to raise the cash, I decided to become a “high class” whore.
I’d heard that this was something pretty Ivy League students sometimes did for money.

Sometimes the non-Ivy types do it too. So what are Dare’s rates?

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Deferral Extension Season: Alston & Bird Make Indefinite Deferral

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alston bird logo.JPGThe contest of horror between the class of 2009 and the class of 2010 rages on. Based on Friday’s no offer thread, you’d think that the class of 2010 was surging ahead. We know 3L recruiting is depressed this year, so if you got no offered from your summer firm, your chances of snagging a job upon graduation seem greatly reduced.
But there are still scads of people from the class of 2009 that are desperately hoping that they will be able to start at some point. We have been covering the new spate of deferral extensions. Usually, the extensions try to comfort incoming associates that they will have a job with their firms at some point.
But lately, firms are being more forward with the class of 2009. Last week, Baker & McKenzie warned that if it was not able to find spots for incoming associates by June 2010, “the relationship will end.”
Today, Alston & Bird incoming associates received some bad news. A tipster reports:

Alston Bird just indefinitely deferred its incoming 2009 class … They were supposed to start January 2010. There is now no start date.

Alston & Bird didn’t immediately respond to our request for comment.
So, if 3L recruiting is bad this year, how is it going for 4Ls 2009 graduates who haven’t had a day of work so far? Is there anything their former law schools can do to help them out?
We’ll probably see more deferral extensions as the January 2010 start date looms large at firms that do not have enough work to go around.
Earlier: Baker & McKenzie: For Some, Deferral Extensions Could Lead to Offer Revocation

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Law Student of the Day: He Says He’s Not Dating Rihanna, And He’s Not Gay. Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That.

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Janero Marchand Rihanna not dating.jpgFriday afternoon, we brought you the story of a law student who was allegedly dating pop star Rihanna. The rumor was posted on the blog Bossip. But the student, Janero Marchand, vehemently denied the rumor on his twitter account.
We posted some of Janero’s tweets in our story on Friday. Predictably, Above the Law commenters constructed an entire caricature of Janero’s intellectual prowess based on those few tweets. This was one common commenter message:

From his tweets, I don’t think legal writing will be his strong point.

Others pointed out the dangers of tweeting in a difficult job market:

I think he should provide a link to his twitter page on his resume when he does 2L recruiting.

Bossip also took the opportunity to take extra shots at Janero. After we pointed out Marchand’s denial, Bossip offered this reasoning:

According to a new source Rihanna’s “alleged” man whose former name was Aaron may be gay. Which could explain his hasty response to our story and the tweet from Dollicia denying their relationship as well.

Jesus. The scorn of ATL and wild accusations from Bossip? It’s been a pretty exciting September for this 1L. After the jump, Janero Marchand responds to Above the Law.

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Last Week in Layoffs: 09.21.09

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pink slip layoff notice Above the Law blog.jpgEd. note: Above the Law has teamed up with Law Shucks. Law Shucks has done excellent work translating all of the layoff news into user-friendly charts and graphs: the Layoff Tracker.

A piece in Wednesday’s WSJ brought into stark relief the futility of using unemployment data for any sort of analysis, as we futilely do every week. Even the states and the federal government can’t agree on how the numbers should be calculated. Not surprisingly, the assumptions being made are largely influenced by the message the economist wants (or is nudged) to give.

The most visible figures available to evaluate the job market are unemployment rates, which don’t speak well for the stimulus package. The national rate of joblessness last month was 9.7%, up from 8.5% in March, the month after the stimulus act was passed. A week after that number was released, the White House’s Council of Economic Advisers reported that the stimulus had increased employment to a level by “slightly more than 1 million jobs higher than it otherwise would have been.”

That awkward wording says a lot: It reflects the tough job facing any economist who tries to estimate job creation. In every method used, economists are forced to imagine an alternate reality — one built on assumptions that are easily challenged. …

The White House method assumes that things were getting worse and that the stimulus is the sole factor responsible for stopping the bleeding. So economists imagined an alternative reality whereby the present would have been much worse — to the tune of one million more lost jobs.

So with that in mind, unemployment was up again, even as Obama and Bernanke are announcing that the recession, "from a technical perspective," may be over.

Perhaps the slowdown in law-firm layoffs is a leading indicator? The activity in our little corner of the economy, after the jump.

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Morning Docket 09.21.09

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Bank of America Merrill Lynch B of A.jpg* The New York Attorney General isn’t the only one going after Bank of America’s lawyers at Cleary. Congressman Edolphus Towns says BofA’s merger discussions with Merrill Lynch are not covered by attorney-client privilege and that the bank must turn over its legal documents by noon today. [New York Times and Business Insider]
* The Justice Department wants to see Google Books succeed in building a vast digital library but not a monopoly. [New York Times]
* Inspired by Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, a judge ordered a lawyer who cursed out his opposing counsel to go to dinner with his opponent: “And do as adversaries do in law, Strive mightily but eat and drink as friends.” [Legal Intelligencer]
* Legal Secretary of the Day: Mary Merten. She is charged with stealing $700,000 from her New York law firm. [Mid-Hudson News]
* This sounds like a class action waiting to be filed in New York. [Gothamist]
* Laid off? Take a hike. Literally. [Wall Street Journal]

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ATL Caption Contest: We Dig This

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When we run caption contests here at ATL, we prefer to withhold the back story on the photo. However, this photo, and the story behind it, has gone viral. We’ve gotten it many times in tips — Thanks, tipsters! — and even our non-lawyer friends have been sending it to us.
We’re running a contest anyway, but we’ll give you the back story now… or after the jump rather. Same rules apply as always: Submit possible captions in the comments. We’ll choose our favorites — with preference given to those with a legal bent — and let you vote for the best one.
Here’s the photo of a bunch of legal types:
legal ground breaking.JPG
Think of a great caption. Write it down. Then check out the real and incredibly bizarre caption for this photo after the jump.

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No Offer Open Thread: Who Is Still Waiting to Hear About Offers

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no offer factories.jpgWe’re heading into the weekend and the autumnal equinox is not far off. It got us to thinking, who is still waiting on news about their offers from the summer? We know that some firms have already indicated that they would be making late decisions, but it occurred to us that some summers are honestly still in the dark.
Is there anybody out there in that situation? I feel we keep hearing about one firm in particular that hasn’t made offers yet, but gosh I just can’t remember which one. I think the first name starts with an M, and the last name rhymes with “frown.”
Are there other firms that aren’t even telling 2009 summers when a decision will be made?
Vent in the comments. We’re sure your firms haven’t completely forgotten about you. But you know what they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of no offers

Non-Sequiturs: 09.18.09

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Beyonce Knowles Fierce.jpg* It’s Carolyn Elefant’s last day at Legal Blog Watch. We wish her all the best in her future endeavors. [Legal Blog Watch]
* Does America need more Congresspeople? Given the low approval ratings of Congress, this is probably the kind of thing that can only happen through the courts. Apparently, somebody is trying. [WSJ Law Blog]
* The UBS prosecution is … working? [Blackbook Legal]
* Is anybody looking for a good lawyer in D.C.? [What About Clients?]
* Tax breaks in the sale of the Chicago Cubs. [Tax Prof Blog]
* I actually thought that Nancy Pelosi’s displaying of emotion was moving. I … might be alone on that one. [Althouse]
* Abercrombie & Fitch v. Beyonce over the Fierce fragrance. You’d think Abercrombie would just work something out where Beyonce gets the name but she has to wear a little bit of Abercrombie clothing in an ad. A very little bit. [Popsquire]

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