Let’s play a quick game (which we might return to later if there’s interest). If we were to give out awards to the different federal judicial circuits, in the manner of a high school yearbook, which awards would go to the different circuits? Here are some of my nominations:
As for the other awards, well, they’d all go to the Ninth Circuit. It’s the nation’s most famous (or infamous) federal appeals court, so it would win “Most Likely To Become A Celebrity.” It’s the biggest, so it would win “Most Popular” (especially among the ACS and ACLU crowd). It would win “Most Athletic,” since it includes California. And it would win “Biggest Flirt,” thanks to its numerous superhottie judges. (Don’t you wish they all could be California jurists?)
The Ninth Circuit would also run away with “Most Likely To Be Made Fun of on YouTube” — since it already has been. How many circuit courts can claim that distinction?
Can a Westlaw or Lexis print-out hide your booze stash? I didn't think so.
* Are Asian American lawyers too nerdy to climb the Biglaw or corporate ladder — or is this just an outdated stereotype? [The Careerist]
* Does having your law school sob story featured on national television count as “employed upon graduation”? (Or, more seriously, here’s an opportunity for an unemployed law school grad.) [Inside the Law School Scam]
* A Notre Dame law professor, Mark McKenna, offers some courageous and deeply personal commentary on the Penn State scandal. [Slate]
* In the age of Lexis and Westlaw, hardbound law books still serve a valuable purpose. [Kickstarter]
* It’s a briefcase branded with your favorite team insignia. But real subtle-like, so other people won’t immediately know you are an alpha jock fan boy. But you will. You’ll always know. [The Fandom Review]
* Prop 8 proponents have standing. So, I guess the Ninth Circuit will now be looking at the merits of bigotry? [MetroWeekly]
* Five ways to get your clients to pay you faster. How did “breaking kneecaps” not make the list? [Open Forum]
* Ethics for cops. Not that I agree with her, but if my police force is reading Ayn Rand I’d be happy. Reading for cops > more shooting practice for cops. [Blue for Justice]
* As opposed to figuring out whether or not IMDB should have posted her age, I think this pissed off actress should be speaking out against the double standard that says women age like vinegar while men age like wine — wine that needs a special pill to pop its cork as it gets older. [Not So Private Parts / Forbes]
* We’re still trying to figure out which works of art the Nazis stole from whom and what is to be done about it. Every now and again, it’s important to step back and remember there are the Nazis, and then there’s everyone else. [ArtNews]
* If he keeps this up, Kunta Kinte is going to have to shove the Reading Rainbow right up Herman Cain’s ass to remind him of the hundreds of years leaders fought and died so that black people were allowed to read. [Hufffington Post]
If Learned Hand’s opinions are like the products of a bespoke tailor, the opinions coming out of the Ninth Circuit are like the products of a factory that is staffed by machines and menial workers who are overseen from afar by a handful of overworked managers.
* Only in Texas can a judge get paid leave after a video of him beating his daughter’s ass goes viral. Makes you wonder about the kind of crazy sh*t you’d need to do to get stuck with unpaid leave. [KRIS TV]
* A federal judge has ordered Paul Ceglia to return from Ireland to produce more of his hiddendestroyed missing evidence. Oh, Facebook, always trying to steal his lucky charms. [paidContent]
* Memo to the NBA: you know you’re playing on the wrong court, right? On the bright side, at least we don’t have to worry about this happening with the WNBA. Or anyone caring about it if it did. [Bloomberg]
* Joe Francis is suing over a debt dispute and vows to take the it to the Ninth Circuit if he loses. He needs to realize that no one cares about what he does unless it involves boobs. [Washington Post]
* Don’t be fat and then smush a lawyer at Shea Stadium. You’ll break her back, she’ll sue, and you might be known as the guy who got fat people banned from the upper deck. [New York Post]
Congress can say, “All right, in the future, the Ninth Circuit can meet, but it will have no clerks. By the way, we aren’t going to pay the electric bill for two years. And since you seem to be rendering justice in the dark, you don’t seem to need your law library, either.”
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