Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld LLP

Biglaw

Non-Sequiturs: 05.29.14

* A court in India has been asked to decide if a Hindu guru is dead or in a really, really deep meditation. In related news, Mike Myers is arguing to studios that The Love Guru was just “deeply meditating” at the box office. [The Telegraph] * Patton Boggs, or Squire Patton Boggs more accurately, is losing its health care policy group to Akin Gump. Remember when Patton Boggs had lobbyists? [Legal Times] * Take the “doctor” out of Juris Doctor and make law an Associate’s Degree. Sound crazy? Well, there are some good points in this quasi-satirical look. [The Legal Watchdog] * A crocodile was injured by an overweight accountant. That is all. [TaxProf Blog] * We’ve written before about the ongoing effort in Dallas to overturn wrongful convictions, but now that model is starting to pick up steam and reach other cities. [Christian Science Monitor] * Aspiring writers: don’t miss the AAWW Publishing Conference, taking place in New York on Sunday, June 8 (discount code for ATL readers: “aawwfriends”). [Asian American Writers Workshop]

By Joe Patrice
Attorney Misconduct

Morning Docket: 03.20.14

* If Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg ever decides to step down from the Supreme Court (don’t worry, fans, she won’t), perhaps one of these relatively good-looking, relatively young lawyers will be able to step in. [Daily Comment / New Yorker] * Dewey know who the seven secret tipsters are in the case against D&L? Nope, their pleas are sealed, and it’s “not the typical process.” In fact, it’s “highly unusual.” Guess we’ll find out eventually. [DealBook / New York Times] * An ex-paralegal with a J.D. from Hofstra is suing Greenberg Traurig with claims of racial bias, saying she wasn’t promoted to an attorney position. Well, she did attend a contender for “Worst Law School in America.” [Am Law Daily] * In a rare move, it seems that a partner was poached from Williams & Connolly. Jon Fetterolf will now be working at Zuckerman Spaeder, where he’ll be the firm’s first certified sports agent. [Legal Times] * Reema Bajaj, everyone’s favorite neighborhood prostitute with a penchant for peddling punani for paper products, was suspended by the Illinois Supreme Court for a three-year period. Boo. [ABA Journal] * Because only the coolest law students do legal research on their phones these days, here are 11 apps to download. Curiously missing from this list is the ATL app. You can get it here. [U.S. News & World Report] * “The case is over. It’s time to move on.” Rachel Canning, the New Jersey schoolgirl who sued her parents for child support, has agreed to drop her case — and yes, it was all about her boyfriend. [New York Post] * Robert Strauss, Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld name partner, RIP. [New York Times]

By Staci Zaretsky
Animal Law

Non-Sequiturs: 02.05.14

* Randy Levine, president of the New York Yankees, has left Akin Gump’s dugout. He hopes to hit it out of the park and slide into his new home at Jackson Lewis. Please, no more baseball references. :( [Am Law Daily] * Thanks to Virginia, the electric chair may be making a comeback when drugs for lethal injection aren’t available. OMG, that’s so freakin’ lame. Bring back the breaking wheel or death by disembowelment. [Gawker] * A lawyer won’t have to pay an ex-law student $1M after making a hyperbolic challenge in a TV interview. Better luck reading the Leonard v. Pepsico case next time, pal. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post] * Protip: when you’ve been suspended for your “contemptuous attitude,” bragging that one of the judges who disciplined you thinks you’re “probably the best DUI lawyer” isn’t smart. [Santa Barbara Independent] * If you watch The Walking Dead, you’ve probably wondered if all of the killing was legal — because you’re a lawyer, and you can’t enjoy anything anymore. Here’s your answer, from a UC Hastings Law prof. [GQ] * If you’d like your chickens to live a life of luxury before you eat them and their eggs, then you’re going to love this law in California. If not, you can move to Missouri. See Elie squawk about it here. [ATL Redline] * Ian Whittle, a recent George Mason Law grad, took a break from watching the saddest Super Bowl ever to save a little girl from drowning in a pond. Check out the news coverage, after the jump. [CBS 6 WTVR]

By Staci Zaretsky
Alan Dershowitz

Morning Docket: 12.16.13

* “She changed how the world looked at us: from scrappy lawyers to a force to be reckoned with.” As the very first female name partner of an Am Law 100 firm, the Biglaw world is Kathleen Sullivan’s oyster. Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan thanks you kindly. [American Lawyer] * “You hate to lose a great lawyer, but if you’re going to this is the way to do it.” Akin Gump might have recently lost partner Patricia Ann Millett to the D.C. Circuit, but her replacement, Pratik Shah, is working hard to fill her impressive shoes peep-toes. [National Law Journal] * Alan Dershowitz will be stepping down from his position at Harvard Law School at the end of the week. Perhaps he’ll be able to find some time to join O.J. Simpson in the hunt for the real killers. [Boston Globe] * Stephen McDaniel, the law grad accused of dismembering classmate Lauren Giddings, is back in the news. His alleged condom-stealing burglary capers are inadmissible at his murder trial. [Macon Telegraph] * As if TLC’s critically acclaimed “Sister Wives” couldn’t get any better, a judge declared parts of Utah’s polygamy statute unconstitutional. Just imagine the ratings gold because of this ruling. [Salt Lake Tribune] * It appears crack isn’t so wack after all, because Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor has a bevy of supporters who have stepped up to pay all of his legal bills. Waste your bonus money by donating here. [CBC News]

By Staci Zaretsky
Attorney Misconduct

Morning Docket: 12.11.13

* When it comes to the air pollution case that’s currently before the Supreme Court, it seems like the justices had absolutely no difficulty at all in evaluating the type of problem at hand. It’s apparently a “tough” one and a “hard” one. [New York Times] * Thanks to the historic new Senate rules put into action last month, Patricia Ann Millett, the co-head of Akin Gump’s Supreme Court and national appellate practice group, has been confirmed to the D.C. Circuit. You go girl! [Post Politics / Washington Post] * The Senate showdown isn’t quite over yet, folks. We could see another confirmation vote on Georgetown Law professor Nina Pillard’s nomination to the D.C. Circuit sometime today. [Blog of Legal Times] * “We risk failure in having a profession that is as diverse as the country we serve.” OMG guys, the legal profession is bad at diversity. This is new information that no one’s heard before. [National Law Journal] * Now that the recession is over, women are gaining their jobs back faster than all their male counterparts. Not to worry, guys — they’re still being paid 77 cents to every dollar a man earns. [Corporate Counsel] * Here are the top five social media mishaps by lawyers and law students of 2013. If you value your career, you should really try not to do any of these embarrassing things during the new year. [Strategist / FindLaw]

By Staci Zaretsky
Akin Gump

Morning Docket: 09.23.13

* Will adjudicate for food? With a little more than one week until the end of the fiscal year, the federal judiciary is facing down a “worst-case scenario” with respect to its budget. [National Law Journal (sub. req.)] * An unremarkable percentage of firms are led by women lawyers, but Kim Koopersmith of Akin Gump awaits a day when being a first woman in law won’t be “newsworthy.” [Capital Business / Washington Post] * Law firm merger mania, Heartland edition: Stinson Morrison Hecker did the do-si-do with Leonard Street & Deinard and will promenade home as Stinson Leonard Street in January. [WSJ Law Blog (sub. req.)] * Hearts are breaking on either side of the nationwide same-sex marriage debate, and county clerks are bearing the brunt of all the complaints. When will all states “bit[e] the bullet” and legalize it? [Reuters] * “The last time I went into court, I was wearing something that I got at Goodwill.” It turns out even geniuses are stupid enough to rack up hundreds of thousands of dollars in law school debt. [Los Angeles Times]

By Staci Zaretsky
9th Circuit

Morning Docket: 08.02.13

* Hiring a Supreme Court clerk might not be worth a $500,000 gamble for some Biglaw firms. Some will take that sweet sign-on bonus and remove their golden handcuffs before a year is out. [Capital Comment / Washingtonian] * Akin Gump partner and D.C. Circuit nominee Patricia Millett won approval from the Senate Judiciary Committee by a margin of 10-8 along party lines, and now her nomination will head to the full Senate for a vote. [Huffington Post] * President Obama nominated Michelle Friedland and John Owens, two young Munger Tolles & Olson partners, for seats on the Ninth Circuit. If confirmed, that’ll make three partners from the same firm on the bench. [The Recorder] * Sorry, law firms, but it’s no longer cool to inflate hourly billing rates for contract attorneys when you pay them substantially less. You can thank Ted Frank for this judicial revelation. [WSJ Law Blog] * The ABA Task Force on the Future of Legal Education thinks that just about everything having to do with law schools is “deeply flawed” and needs “serious re-engineering.” How comforting. [ABA Journal] * Law School Transparency is willing to assist schools with the reporting of their ABA post-graduation job placement statistics, for a price. How much is integrity worth these days? [National Law Journal] * For $25K, Casey Anthony’s bankruptcy trustee won’t make her sell the worldwide rights to her story — like her theory of the crime she was acquitted of, it “exists solely within [her] mind.” [Sun-Sentinel]

By Staci Zaretsky
Akin Gump

Morning Docket: 07.09.13

* Akin Gump partner Patricia Millett is willing to take a whopping pay cut to serve on the D.C. Circuit — from $1MM to $184K — and for that alone she should be confirmed ASAP. [National Law Journal] * With the number of law firm mergers in the last six months alone, we’re on a “potentially record-setting pace” for 2013. Hey, look at it this way: it’s cheaper than hiring and firing laterals. [Am Law Daily] * Three years later, the epic litigation between Debevoise & Plimpton and a former client continues to rage on. Now, allegations are being tossed around about a partner’s behavior. [New York Law Journal] * According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in June, the legal industry lost more jobs than it has in a single month since June 2011. Congrats, Class of 2013! welcome to the real world. [Am Law Daily] * In its defense, Standard & Poor’s claims its ratings were puffery, and that no reasonable investor would rely on them. Aww, poor widdle “sophisticated consumers of [investment information].” [Bloomberg] * For those of you practicing personal injury law in New York, this case is a bombshell. If you want to put the whole insurance industry on trial, follow the action here. [New York Personal Injury Law Blog] * Sarah Jones, the ex-cheerleader who sued TheDirty.com for defamation, was back in federal court yesterday for the beginning of her case’s retrial. What a way to start an engagement. [ABC News]

By Staci Zaretsky