Akin Gump

Biglaw

Non-Sequiturs: 06.23.14

* 8 reasons that lawyers are like condoms. Not included: on the inside, they’re just dicks. [Legal Cheek] * A bunch of reporters that no one reads anymore take out their frustrations on SCOTUSblog for having the audacity to be good at its job. [ABA Journal] * Presented without commentary — a dean is not pleased with us. [PrawfsBlawg] * Jobs for law grads may be scarce, but WSJ wants you to know that Biglaw specifically is hiring again. So for a few of you, you’re set until you try to lateral. [Gawker] * Deluding yourself is a valuable career strategy. [Law and More] * Guy is suing an airline because he went to Grenada when he wanted to go to Granada. This gave me a great excuse to rematch the classic Newhart episode, Oh, THAT Morrocco. [Daily Mail] * A woman who tried to save some ducklings now faces life in prison. The moral of the story, as always, is screw animals. [USA Today] * The real winner in the protracted courtship of Patton Boggs was Akin Gump. [Washingtonian] * Teaching the law has suffered because of the influx of stupid “Law and…” courses. [TaxProf Blog] * But Oklahoma knows how to fix the problems with law school — give you an iPad! Video below… [YouTube]

By Joe Patrice
Attorney Misconduct

Morning Docket: 03.20.14

* If Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg ever decides to step down from the Supreme Court (don’t worry, fans, she won’t), perhaps one of these relatively good-looking, relatively young lawyers will be able to step in. [Daily Comment / New Yorker] * Dewey know who the seven secret tipsters are in the case against D&L? Nope, their pleas are sealed, and it’s “not the typical process.” In fact, it’s “highly unusual.” Guess we’ll find out eventually. [DealBook / New York Times] * An ex-paralegal with a J.D. from Hofstra is suing Greenberg Traurig with claims of racial bias, saying she wasn’t promoted to an attorney position. Well, she did attend a contender for “Worst Law School in America.” [Am Law Daily] * In a rare move, it seems that a partner was poached from Williams & Connolly. Jon Fetterolf will now be working at Zuckerman Spaeder, where he’ll be the firm’s first certified sports agent. [Legal Times] * Reema Bajaj, everyone’s favorite neighborhood prostitute with a penchant for peddling punani for paper products, was suspended by the Illinois Supreme Court for a three-year period. Boo. [ABA Journal] * Because only the coolest law students do legal research on their phones these days, here are 11 apps to download. Curiously missing from this list is the ATL app. You can get it here. [U.S. News & World Report] * “The case is over. It’s time to move on.” Rachel Canning, the New Jersey schoolgirl who sued her parents for child support, has agreed to drop her case — and yes, it was all about her boyfriend. [New York Post] * Robert Strauss, Akin Gump Strauss Hauer & Feld name partner, RIP. [New York Times]

By Staci Zaretsky
Animal Law

Non-Sequiturs: 02.05.14

* Randy Levine, president of the New York Yankees, has left Akin Gump’s dugout. He hopes to hit it out of the park and slide into his new home at Jackson Lewis. Please, no more baseball references. :( [Am Law Daily] * Thanks to Virginia, the electric chair may be making a comeback when drugs for lethal injection aren’t available. OMG, that’s so freakin’ lame. Bring back the breaking wheel or death by disembowelment. [Gawker] * A lawyer won’t have to pay an ex-law student $1M after making a hyperbolic challenge in a TV interview. Better luck reading the Leonard v. Pepsico case next time, pal. [Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post] * Protip: when you’ve been suspended for your “contemptuous attitude,” bragging that one of the judges who disciplined you thinks you’re “probably the best DUI lawyer” isn’t smart. [Santa Barbara Independent] * If you watch The Walking Dead, you’ve probably wondered if all of the killing was legal — because you’re a lawyer, and you can’t enjoy anything anymore. Here’s your answer, from a UC Hastings Law prof. [GQ] * If you’d like your chickens to live a life of luxury before you eat them and their eggs, then you’re going to love this law in California. If not, you can move to Missouri. See Elie squawk about it here. [ATL Redline] * Ian Whittle, a recent George Mason Law grad, took a break from watching the saddest Super Bowl ever to save a little girl from drowning in a pond. Check out the news coverage, after the jump. [CBS 6 WTVR]

By Staci Zaretsky
Alan Dershowitz

Morning Docket: 12.16.13

* “She changed how the world looked at us: from scrappy lawyers to a force to be reckoned with.” As the very first female name partner of an Am Law 100 firm, the Biglaw world is Kathleen Sullivan’s oyster. Quinn Emanuel Urquhart & Sullivan thanks you kindly. [American Lawyer] * “You hate to lose a great lawyer, but if you’re going to this is the way to do it.” Akin Gump might have recently lost partner Patricia Ann Millett to the D.C. Circuit, but her replacement, Pratik Shah, is working hard to fill her impressive shoes peep-toes. [National Law Journal] * Alan Dershowitz will be stepping down from his position at Harvard Law School at the end of the week. Perhaps he’ll be able to find some time to join O.J. Simpson in the hunt for the real killers. [Boston Globe] * Stephen McDaniel, the law grad accused of dismembering classmate Lauren Giddings, is back in the news. His alleged condom-stealing burglary capers are inadmissible at his murder trial. [Macon Telegraph] * As if TLC’s critically acclaimed “Sister Wives” couldn’t get any better, a judge declared parts of Utah’s polygamy statute unconstitutional. Just imagine the ratings gold because of this ruling. [Salt Lake Tribune] * It appears crack isn’t so wack after all, because Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor has a bevy of supporters who have stepped up to pay all of his legal bills. Waste your bonus money by donating here. [CBC News]

By Staci Zaretsky
Attorney Misconduct

Morning Docket: 12.11.13

* When it comes to the air pollution case that’s currently before the Supreme Court, it seems like the justices had absolutely no difficulty at all in evaluating the type of problem at hand. It’s apparently a “tough” one and a “hard” one. [New York Times] * Thanks to the historic new Senate rules put into action last month, Patricia Ann Millett, the co-head of Akin Gump’s Supreme Court and national appellate practice group, has been confirmed to the D.C. Circuit. You go girl! [Post Politics / Washington Post] * The Senate showdown isn’t quite over yet, folks. We could see another confirmation vote on Georgetown Law professor Nina Pillard’s nomination to the D.C. Circuit sometime today. [Blog of Legal Times] * “We risk failure in having a profession that is as diverse as the country we serve.” OMG guys, the legal profession is bad at diversity. This is new information that no one’s heard before. [National Law Journal] * Now that the recession is over, women are gaining their jobs back faster than all their male counterparts. Not to worry, guys — they’re still being paid 77 cents to every dollar a man earns. [Corporate Counsel] * Here are the top five social media mishaps by lawyers and law students of 2013. If you value your career, you should really try not to do any of these embarrassing things during the new year. [Strategist / FindLaw]

By Staci Zaretsky