Brooklyn

Morning Docket: 11.25.13

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* In November, Supreme Court justices engaged in the “totally unnecessary” practice of releasing 41 pages of nondecision opinions. In all fairness, we can’t really blame them for enjoying hearing themselves speak. [National Law Journal]

* These D.C. Circuit judges of differing political viewpoints “disagreed less than 3 percent of the time” over the course of two decades. Please, keep arguing about the court’s “ideological balance.” You’re accomplishing lots. [New York Times]

* With more tie-ups than ever before and another record broken, 2013 is officially the year of full-blown law firm merger mania. Query how many more we’ll be able to add to the already huge list of 78 by the end of December. [Am Law Daily]

* Speaking of which, Baker Hostetler is merging with Woodcock Washburn, an intellectual property firm with a name that sounds like the aftercare instructions for a painful sex toy injury. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

* Of course a fired ADA’s scandalous emails landed on BuzzFeed. This is one more embarrassing chapter in the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. [New York Times]

* It’s amazing how things can change in a year. In 2012, New York bar pass rates for in-state schools fell. In 2013, they’re up — except for one school, which is way down. Which one? [New York Law Journal]

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Lawyerly Lairs: Lawyer Lives In RV Down By the River

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If it’s good enough for Justice Thomas….

Justice Clarence Thomas famously travels around the country over the summer in his 40-foot recreational vehicle (RV). Since 1999, Justice Thomas and his wife Ginni have visited some 27 states in their RV. According to Mrs. Thomas, “it’s a wonderful life.” The Thomases often park overnight in Wal-Mart parking lots. As Justice Thomas notes, “you can get a little shopping in, see part of real America. It’s fun!”

If spending night after night in an RV is good enough for an associate justice of the United States Supreme Court, it should be good enough for a young lawyer, right? In the latest installment of Lawyerly Lairs, we visit with a Biglaw associate who lives in an RV down by the river….

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A Lawyer Turned Entrepreneur Comes To The Aid Of Busy Parents

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‘Get those hands away from my indentures!’

Having a kid presents challenges. You have to pick out a sensible and legally appropriate name for the child. You have to care for the kid — or pay someone else to do so. You have to keep your child safe, which isn’t always easy.

And these are just the basics. What if you want to enrich your kid’s existence with sports and after-school classes and musical instruments?

As it turns out, there’s an app for that — created by a lawyer, of course….

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Lawyerly Lairs: A Biglaw Partner’s Attractive Nuisance?

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This column, Lawyerly Lairs, is all about real estate voyeurism. But today’s story emphasizes the voyeurism over the real estate. Let’s hope there are some Rear Window fans among you.

In Cobble Hill, one of Brooklyn’s loveliest and leafiest precincts, the “sexy shower” of one attorney abode has got the neighborhood talking. Lawyers are often focused on minimizing exposure, but neighbors claim that’s not the case for the owners of a beautiful, multimillion-dollar townhouse.

Let’s see what all the fuss is about. It seems that there’s more to this story than meets the eye….

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Yo, Stealing Study Rooms Will Get You A Beat Down In Brooklyn

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Steal her space, and she will cut you.

We’re here folks. With the bar exam a couple of weeks away we are officially in that special time of year where any young person with law books should be given a very wide berth. Do not make any sudden movements around people studying for the bar. Do not make direct eye contact with them. Do NOT touch their snacks and sodas, you can lose a finger that way.

And, for the love of God, don’t mess with their study areas in the library. Can you smell it? They’ve been there for days. They’ve urinated around their study carrels to mark the territory as theirs — and also because they don’t want to waste time going to the bathroom. If you happen to see a study area that is momentarily unattended, do not take it. Bad things will happen to you.

Especially in Brooklyn, as this unsuspecting student found out the hard way…

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An Afternoon With Judge Frederic Block, Author of ‘Disrobed’

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Judge Frederic Block (E.D.N.Y.)

It’s hard out here for authors of judicial memoirs who are not named Sonia Sotomayor. Just ask Judge Frederic Block (E.D.N.Y.), a federal trial judge in Brooklyn since 1994 and the author of an appealing new book, Disrobed: An Inside Look at the Life and Work of a Federal Trial Judge (affiliate link). In Disrobed, Judge Block describes his surprising rise from small-town Long Island lawyer to Article III aristocracy, where he has presided over cases involving the Crown Heights riots, Kitty Genovese, mob boss Peter Gotti, and other headline-making subjects.

The book has received several favorable notices. Writing in the New York Times, Sam Roberts described Disrobed as an “engaging” book that provides “a rare look behind decision-making on the federal bench.” Over at Simple Justice, Scott Greenfield called the memoir a “well-written,” “easy and quick read,” by a “quite well-regarded” judge. I’ve read the book myself, and I concur with Roberts and Greenfield.

But even though the book has sold well, exceeding the expectations of its publisher, Thomson Reuters, Disrobed hasn’t attained the bestselling status of Justice Sotomayor’s My Beloved World (affiliate link). And this makes Judge Block a little sad, as he confessed to me when I recently visited him in chambers.

Especially because Judge Block came painfully close to what would have been a big, big break….

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Non-Sequiturs: 03.15.13

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* Republican Senator Rob Portman announces his support for gay marriage after learning that his son is gay. Yay! Let’s all celebrate him for meeting the lowest threshold of human decency once he found a purely selfish reason to change. [ABC News]

* Wait, they can declare martial law in Brooklyn? I thought they could only do that in terrible movies. [Before It's News]

* A Southern District of Florida clerk is named one of Southern Florida’s most eligible bachelors. Our bachelor “claims to be the other white meat” and to “have a lot in common with Christian Grey.” He doesn’t sound douchey at all. [Brickell Magazine (jump to page 91)]

* Comparing Chicago Law faculty to Game of Thrones characters produces surprisingly accurate results. [UChilawgo]

* With law schools raising tuition and the profession shrinking… more people need to rush to law school. Keep sipping that sweet, sweet Kool-Aid, buddy. [Daily Princetonian]

* GW Law’s Barrister’s Ball — $2500 fee for vomiting! [GW Law SBA]

* Watch Elie talk about Wayne LaPierre and guns. [HuffPost Live]

* University of Oregon Property professor doesn’t understand “property,” snatches student’s phone. Click through the jump to see more video of what happens when law professors and hippies clash! [Photography Is Not a Crime]

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You Hit An EMT? Yeah You Know Me!

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I’ve done some fairly unacceptable things whilst blackout drunk. Life is hard, and navigating this world fifteen to twenty Bud Lights in is nigh on impossible. I fell asleep on a train platform a few months ago. For instance. I was awakened by the bleating of the oncoming train’s horn. WAKE UP AND MOVE YOUR FEET FROM MY PATH BEFORE I CHOP THEM OFF, the train said. I moved them. Still have my feet.

This weekend, an assistant district attorney with the Brooklyn D.A.’s office allegedly lost something more important than his feet. His head. He allegedly lost his head, lost his cool, and probably stands to lose a whole lot more in the days to come.

Michael Jaccarino is the ADA’s name, and it took all the restraint the New York Post had not to scream in its headline, “Wacko Jacko On The Attacko.”

Y’see, Micael Jaccarino allegedly attacked a female EMT early Saturday morning…

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This Is Why You Never, Ever Accept Facebook Friend Requests From People You Don’t Know

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Let’s preface this story with the following: if you accept friendship requests on Facebook from people you don’t know, you might be an idiot.

Okay, now let’s take it a step further. If you’re an alleged gang member who brags about alleged criminal activity on your Facebook page, and you still accept friendships from people you don’t know, you may have had a lobotomy.

That’s what reportedly happened last week in New York, when more than a dozen alleged Brooklyn gang members were arrested after one of them accepted a friend request from — wait for it — a New York police officer.

Oh, goodie, this will be fun…

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Musical Chairs: From Patton Boggs Partner to Brooklyn Law School Dean

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Nick Allard: no sleep till Brooklyn?

As one Biglaw partner makes plans to leave Brooklyn, putting his $10 million mansion on the market, another partner is packing his bags for Kings County. Nick Allard, chair of the lobbying and election law practice at Patton Boggs in D.C., is heading for the Heights: he’ll be the new dean of Brooklyn Law School, effective July 1.

Going from a law firm partnership to a law school deanship is an unusual move. What’s behind Allard’s career shift? A desire to be closer to Sarah Jessica Parker, who is apparently Brooklyn bound?

Let’s find out….

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