Cease And Desist

One of the most popular recurring features on ATL is the intentionally (or unintentionally) funny lawyer letter. Cease-and-desist letter responses famously offer lawyers the most freedom to let their comedy flags fly, but we’ve profiled some pretty entertaining C&D letters, rants to executive agencies, settlement offers, and cover letters. They’ve covered intellectual property, political speech, and throwing porn stars off roofs.

With years of these hilarious letters piled up, it’s time to revisit the archives and determine a champion….

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Kevyn Orr, probably not an alien.

A couple weeks back we reported on the big hissy fit that Jones Day threw over Kevynorr.com, at the time a bare-bones website that promised to be a sarcastic look at former Jones Day partner Kevyn Orr’s “emergency management” of Detroit. Jones Day wrote themselves a nasty cease and desist letter.

The anonymous proprietor of Kevynorr.com is represented by the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and their lawyers drafted a scathing response calling out Jones Day’s disingenuous, bullying letter….

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That’s what an attorney for The Dirty is saying in a letter that TMZ calls “the most sarcastic letter we’ve ever seen in the 9 years of TMZ.” The Dirty may be best known among our readers from the ongoing Sarah Jones saga, in which a former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader turned high school teacher was convicted of sleeping with her student and sued The Dirty after the site claimed she’d slept with every member of the Bengals team. Which was obviously false, because when Jones worked there the Bengals were incapable of scoring like that.

Now The Dirty provoked the ire of Casper Smart, Jennifer Lopez’s ex. Smart has generated a lot of rumor-mongering over the past few weeks, with the most salacious starting in the comments section of The Dirty, where two transsexuals claimed they hooked up with Smart. J.Lo’s love may not cost a thing, but that love might cost a J.Lo — or so the argument goes.

Smart says this isn’t true and did what any self-respecting quasi-celebrity would do: he wrote a threatening letter to The Dirty. The Dirty’s counsel responded with all the sarcastic righteous rage you’d expect….

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* The best part of the DOJ’s charges against the Chinese hackers is definitely the fact that we now have a “Wanted” poster for “Wang Dong.” Third graders of the world, go ahead and snicker. [What About Clients]

* This is a literal way of sticking it to the banks — man arrested for attempting to have sex with an ATM machine. He was charged with public intoxication. And solicitation… goddamned $3.00 out of network charge. [The Smoking Gun]

* A new NFL lawsuit alleges that the NFL illegally used painkillers to cover up injuries. This story is brought to you by the letters D, U, and H. [Sports Illustrated]

* In an interview, the admissions dean of the University of Texas says the school “extend[s] opportunities to students who aren’t 100% perfect on paper.” No kidding. [Tipping the Scales]

* Australian lawyers are trying to argue that their cease and desist letters are copyrighted and cannot be republished. Professor Volokh explains why that’s not a viable argument in the United States. We. Totally. Concur. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* A transwoman was denied a requested name change. The judge? The former counsel to Liberty University. Of course. [GayRVA]

* Twitter icon Judge Dillard cited Wikipedia in a decision. Didn’t Keith Lee just have an article about that? [Court of Appeals of Georgia]

* More analysis of Gaston Kroub’s look at Biglaw’s Scarlet Letter. [Law and More]

* The DOJ announced that LSAC will pay $7.73 million and institute systemic reforms over its ADA violations. If only the DOJ could get on top of LSAC’s problems securing your private personal information. [U.S. Department of Justice (press release)]

* Poe’s The Raven, if the narrator was a midlevel associate working on Christmas. Excerpt: As of someone slowly rapping, rapping at my office door. “‘Tis the janitor,” I muttered, “tapping at my office door — Likely here to clean the floor.” Ha. [Law Poetry]

* In the wake of Greece, a Satanist wants to open a government meeting with a Satanic prayer. When reached for comment, Dick Cheney said he was flattered. [Broward Palm Beach New Times]

* Dan Snyder is just awful. Now he’s sent a cease and desist letter to LaVar Arrington because Arrington describes himself as a “Redskins great.” Because if anyone around here is going to needlessly slur indigenous people, it’s going to be Dan Snyder. [Deadspin]

* Speaking of cease and desist letters, the one we talked about yesterday — sent over a bad Amazon review — has resulted in Amazon yanking the seller’s license. [ArsTechnica]

* Come on, lawyers. Clean up after yourselves. Especially if you’re just leaving Molly all over someone else’s car. [South Florida Lawyers]

* Guy in Alabama killed his wife, three dogs and a parrot after she sent a critical text. I know this is a tragedy, but as I saw the story all I could think is the parrot was somehow completely to blame. [AL.com]

* There’s still a slave plantation in the United States and it’s terrifying. [Policy Mic]

* Sometimes it’s worth remembering that we have it very easy as lawyers compared to some in other parts of the world. A lawyer representing a professor accused of blasphemy in Pakistan was gunned down last night. [The Volokh Conspiracy / Washington Post]

* A conversation with Solicitor General Donald Verrilli. The full interview is available after the jump… [California Lawyer]

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* Abraham Lincoln was a harder working lawyer than you are. [Abraham Lincoln's Almanac Trial]

* Quentin Tarantino has given up the ghost and dropped his suit against Gawker over The Hateful Eight. [The Escapist]

* The people who made stupid toe shoes have settled a big class action. [Deadspin]

* Judge Posner and Justice Scalia haven’t had a public fight in a while. So this lawyer is trying to stir one up. Thanks, buddy! [Legal Times]

* Colorado’s energy industry is suing municipalities creating a patchwork of fracking regulation. As the author notes, “for a state that has boldly snubbed federal law on marijuana policy, such arguments sound a bit hollow.” [Breaking Energy]

* Stop calling on Justice Ginsburg to retire… it’s probably too late for Obama to nominate a replacement anyway. [New Republic]

* Lawyer writes threatening letter to customer who wrote a negative review on Amazon. [Ars Technica]

* Our tipster put it best, “New Show on Bravo: ‘Lowering the NJ Bar.’” [The Star-Ledger]

* A young solicitor known as Mr. Kelly was inspired to release a rap album about how much he hated his training job at a top 10 global firm. His video after the jump…. [Legal Cheek]

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Justice Ginsburg: But I’m a cheerleader! (Or was, back in the day.)

* Justice Ginsburg was a hottie back in the day (as well as a cheerleader, aka a “Twirler”). [Josh Blackman's Blog]

* “When a Juror Calls You a Motherf*cker” (or, how not to get out of jury duty). [New York Personal Injury Law Blog]

* Professor Edward Morrison returns to Columbia Law, after a very short stint at U. Chicago — maybe he missed his fabulous Lawyerly Lair in Manhattan? [Columbia Law School]

* Speaking of CLS faculty members with multimillion-dollar townhouses, congratulations to Sarah Cleveland on her nomination to serve as an independent expert on the Human Rights Committee. [Columbia Law School]

* After getting a cease-and-desist letter, this Maine bakery renamed the controversial treat “C&D” — well played, Little Bigs Bakery, well played. [WMTV.com]

* In the wake of the latest “no cleavage” memo, which made the pages of the New York Daily News, Amanda Hess conducts a comprehensive survey of this odious genre. [Slate]

* Social media isn’t a panacea, but it can be important and useful, and lawyers should use it responsibly — so check out these new Social Media Ethics Guidelines for Attorneys. [New York State Bar Association]

Two of my favorites: Jesse Eisenberg and Andy Samberg.

Earlier in the week, I came across an interesting intellectual-property fact pattern in the New York Post. The Post reported on a calendar conflict in which the creator of the Nice Jewish Guys Calendar, an established brand, alleges trademark infringement by a newcomer, the Naughty Jewish Boys Calendar.

I must now confess to a weakness for the Chosen People. I admire them not just for their socioeconomic and educational attainment but for their sex appeal. So I was more than happy to investigate.

Let’s check out the competing calendars, the cease-and-desist letter, and the response thereto — along with some Hebraic hotties, of course….

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The past year or so has been an epic period for snarky responses to cease and desist letters. We’ve seen hilariously irreverent responses to C&D letters telling off the likes of Starbucks, the American Bankers Association, and the Township of West Orange.

And now Hollywood celebrities are throwing themselves into the mix. Which “seriously out of control” young actor just got saucy over Twitter in response to a lawyer’s letter?

Here’s a hint: Is this kid Lawless?

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Our ten nominees for 2013 Lawyer of the Year honors were a distinguished and diverse group. They included a Supreme Court justice, a U.S. Attorney, a governor, a law school dean, and some of Biglaw’s brightest stars. They also included a plaintiffs’ lawyer accused of awful acts, a shameless self-promoter fond of letting it all hang out, and a young attorney with a problematic sideline. We cover it all here at Above the Law.

Our prior winners have come from the savory rather than salacious side of the ledger. Here are ATL’s past Lawyers of the Year:

For 2013, who will join their distinguished ranks? Let’s find out….

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